November, 2007 -

by BS

Krafty Bastards

Our new foodie friend over at So Good has been making it his full-time job to ridicule corporate America’s latest attempt to get hip with the kids. It all started with this New York Times article profiling Kraft Foods’ new youthful marketing strategy.

The idea is centered around a Kraft Singles MySpace page where young ‘uns have the chance to upload videos documenting their passion for American cheese, with the chance to win $50,000 and have their homemade spot turned into a TV commercial.

After checking it out, So Good made fun of the fact that Kraft had yet to make a single MySpace friend, not even Ryan Gosling.

That’s when Kraft went all Troll Foods on So Good, dispensing their VP of Marketing for Cheese and Dairy (actual title) to comment on his blog, telling him to “check his facts,” because Kraft was totally gonna make all kinds of friends, loser.

Check your facts. MySpace won’t allow you to become a friend until the contest starts tomorrow. Kraft Singles will have a bunch of friends. Everybody likes grilled cheese. Especially if you make it with Kraft Singles.

The Truffle Shuffle

Some news you can use about food yo’ broke ass will never be able to taste:

– New York’s millionaires enter crisis mode as the price of white truffles soar. In an effort to explain, the New York Post may have broken their own world record for most nonsensical metaphors in one article.

– But don’t worry, Grub Street points out you can still get a white truffle bagel if you’re willing to drop a grand on it. Add poppy seeds for an extra $500.

– For those of you who are confused, here’s an explanation of why these magic-less mushrooms have everyone in such a tizzy.

Photo: Reuters

by BS

You Had Me at Duck Bacon

So my new place in Brooklyn is a stone’s throw from Park Slope, the yummy mummy capital of the world, and the epicenter of vegan cupcakes, organic everything, $12 coffees, etc…the obvious first order of business was whether to join the Park Slope Food Co-op. There’s plenty of info around the internets about how awesome and awful this place is, so I’ll just summarize. Pros: Quality yuppie food at prices lower than Whole Paycheck; Cons: Soviet-style work policy.

After sitting through an indoctrination orientation session, I browsed through the store. While I was somewhat taken with the organic asparagus from Argentina and no-peel Kiwi berries, it wasn’t until I hit the meat section that I knew I was joining. Bison steaks, grass-fed filet mignon, salami, salami, salami, and OMG, WTF is duck bacon?

Mitt Romney Loses Coveted Endless Simmer Endorsement

Not that he had much of a chance, but this makes it official. And it has nothing to do with the fact that he may or may not have seven wives, because we would totally vote for Bill Henrickson.

It’s his food knowledge we’re calling into question. Check out this video on Wonkette, in which the great Mormon hope visits the Greenville, South Carolina Chili Cook-off, and makes three unforgivable food faux pas:

1- How hilarious is his over-endorsement of that ice cream? Even for Mr. Optimism, he goes a little overboard there. I have a hard time believing it is really quite that good. He does everything but say “this tastes better than Jesus.”

2- When assaulted by three Hooters girls, Romney passes up a request to endorse their chili. Come on, now – this is an opportunity Bill Clinton never would have missed. Do you know how many Hooters Voters there are in Iowa, Mitt?

3- Finally, Romney is confronted by a giant banana. Mitt’s response: “What are you, a pepper?” What?!? Seriously, who can’t recognize a banana? How does that look like a pepper? Get yourself off the campaign trail and into the kitchen, Mitt. Disgraceful.

Stay tuned for future ES unendorsements. So far, Hillary is in trouble ever since she called us fat, but Fred “grits n’ bacon” Thompson is looking pretty good, assuming he stays off that diet.

Photo: The Onion.

in Contests / Politics 20 comments

by 80 Proof

Artsy Photo of the Day

Must deep fry something…need…lard.

in Photos 3 comments

by gansie

Alligator Pear

*Breaking News*

Food Network now comes in HD! And the first show 80P taped for me – an Alton Brown “Good Eats” special on **avocados** !!!

So, there I am, working on a blog post and thinking to myself, “I’m the avocado queen, I can surely show Big A a thing or two…”

Yea, um, what he did with the “alligator pear” is way beyond my capabilities. Although, this has forced me to think about my dedication to the lovely fruit, and I’m in. Alton – it’s a challenge. I will think of something so crazy, so out there, so fucking delicious, you’ll just beg me to guest star on your next avocado themed show.

Mr. Brown’s avocado creations:

John Mayer is Douchiest Food Blogger Ever

Normally we here at endless simmer like to support our fellow food bloggers – we’d much rather feud with nerdier bloggers and/or stalk pedigreed reporters. But the latest guy to join the food blogging circle is just a little too much to take. “Your Body is a Wonderland” singer John Mayer already covers plenty of pressing topics on his surprisingly addictive blog, including a recent in-depth analysis of O.J.’s watch and a loving note to the 63 PEOPLE ARRESTED AT HIS LAST CONCERT (no, it’s still not illegal to listen to John Mayer, there were just a lot of boozed up 12-year-old girls at his show).

Now, Mayer has begun sharing photos of his meals, and he claims it to be his most successful blogging experiment yet. Apparently, the public is intensely hungry to know what John had for dinner last night and the night before that. He’s not cooking, and he doesn’t even tell us where these tasty treats are from, just shows us what he eats on a daily basis. The best part is, these valuable photos have been watermarked, with rights reserved, to prevent their reproduction. Screw that. If this blog is gonna go down, what better way to do it than because of illicit reproduction of John Mayer’s duck shepherd’s pie?