Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

(In the spirit of the picnic, palsticware was used, blankets available and sandwiches wrapped)

Last week I asked ES readers and foodies from across the land to help me with my dilemma. I was to attend a potluck picnic but had no idea what to cook, nor what to suggest to my friends, as I was the orchestrator of the event. For our non-DC readers, this past weekend was a complete wash-out; it rained for days. As concern was mounting, we were thinking of creating paddy fields on the national mall. All this rain meant we had to cancel our outside activities, which included missing the Lighting to Unite event at the National Cathedral. We’re not ones to be defeated so we decided to go full steam ahead, transferring the picnic to my apartment.

My friends who cooked did an impeccable job, and we had some amazing dishes. These included:

Coconut & Almond Cupcakes thanks to my friend BJ.

My friend 3Y’s made a delicious Olive Tapenade, I don’t like olives myself, not even on pizza, but this was really something new for me which I know I’ll be trying myself.

There was a Babaganoush made with homemade tahini, thanks to Boozilla.

Summer Camp went totally crazy. She made a Tyropita (Greek cheese pie): Feta and Kasseri cheeses with nutmeg and mint; a Kreaopita (Greek meat pie): Beef with kasseri cheese, cinnamon, cumin, and allspice; also a Tzatziki (Greek yogurt dip): Greek yogurt with cucumber, garlic, and mint.

I made a Brie and Avocado baguette with a mint, garlic and oregano mayonnaise.

Finally, it pains me to write this but I do have to give a shout out to MD, he brought with him boxes and boxes of Popeye’s chicken, yes, you read that right, leave your thoughts on that one in the comments!

I pleaded and pleaded for my friend Tucker to make the potato chip cookies that gansie suggested, but to no avail. He chose to bake some absolutely amazing hazelnut chocolate cookies, the how-to on those are after the jump. They were seriously amazing.

The other superb dish I want to tell you about is the cabbage and bacon salad come coleslaw which one of the more discerning guests created. He used 1lb of bacon for this delight. Again, the recipe is after the jump.

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My little sister, Sherry, just turned 21. Turning 21 is like a national fucking holiday, well at least with team gansie. My mom was so nervous about her doing something stupid that she couldn’t sleep the entire weekend. We’re that serious about our *legal* drinking. So for her birthday, I knew her friends would be supplying all the alcohol she needed, so I thought I could provide some sustenance.

As we all know, I can’t bake for shit. Well, that’s actually a lie. It’s unclear (well, until you read this post) if I can bake or not. It’s not that I can’t bake for shit, I just never never never bake.

Anyway, for the love of my sister, I decided to try my hand at the oven. Last time I sent her something - rice krispie treats - they were a total pain in the ass, but turned out well (I mean, they’re pretty foolproof.) This time I really wanted to challenge myself.

I’m not really friends with many bakers, except for DAD GANSIE and Mo Green. So I asked the two of them for some suggestions. I also emailed my high school ex-boyfriend’s mom. She’s an amazing baker, and I think the last time I made chocolate chip cookies was with her, like a decade ago. I asked her to think of something I could make that was

1. easy
2. delicious
3. would travel well.

And then Mrs. A had the brilliant idea of a GIANT COOKIE! The giant cookie cake would be

1. easy, it’s just like making regular cookies
2. clearly be tasty - its a cookie!
3. stay moister than separate cookies because there would be less surface area exposed to air

She also suggested that I buy a pizza round pan to bake the cookie on and to stop by my local pizza place (if only I still lived in Jersey…) to use one of their pizza boxes to ship the cookie. Fortunately, I’m a lazy shit and never threw out the big William Sonoma box from one of my birthday presents a month earlier, so I used that instead.

Take the jump to find out about my adventures in baking.

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My regular Sunday night get together was a little different this past week, as there was a birthday and for birthdays we always try to bake a cake. This week I was responsible for the task and I have to say, I’m no baker. I even messed up cookies out of a box last week. I asked the birthday man boy what his favourite cake was and amongst his list was cheesecake, AND HOW could I pass that up. Everyone knows that if done right it can be sex on a plate, even the gays I made it for! And what better way for me to make this cheesecake than to watch The Golden Girls on my dvr in the process. Yes, this is a very gay post but keep with me…

I figured the gays would like to know the fat and calorie count of the cake. I did some calculations of the ingredients and how many slices I would expect to get from the cake and well, it’s not looking pretty. I decided to tell the gays as they were eating this delight: each slice had roughly 27g fat and 360 calories.

Jaws dropped and I swear there were some people who were about to spit it out and one even looked ready to throw it at me - I’m talking about you 30MinuteAbs. But it was too damn good and they kept eating. You know you’ve struck gold when gays disregard fat count and calories for a sweet sweet slice of cake!

Strawberry Vanilla Chocolate Crust Cheesecake

Ingredients and how-to after the jump.

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Chalk up another win for the blogs over the MSM, as Sushi Day’s steak sushi rolls over Gourmet, 58 percent to 42 percent in last week’s Who Cooked It Better.

For this week’s contest, we’re going with a hot new trend that combines a possibly tired trend with a classic taste to make everything new and creative again. Confused? You’ll understand in a second.

As you know, cupcakes have been quite the ubiquitous presence over the past few years, to the extent where some are declaring them so over already. I liked them better myself in grade school, when they weren’t trendy and didn’t cost nine dollars, but I think we can all agree, overexposed or not, these little devils are delicious.

One thing that is definitely not over is bacon, so it was only a matter of time before bacon collided with cupcakes to create something God is kicking himself for not inventing. Bacon cupcakes are here indeed, and all of a sudden they seem to have taken over the food blogosphere. I browsed through said blogosphere to find the best of the best, and there are no half-assed bacon-topped cupcakes here, each of these three contenders mix actual bacon into their batter to present three tantalizing recipes.

On the left is one of the first known versions of the mythical bacon cupcake. From the Vanilla Garlic blog, this maple bacon cupcake is for “those who eat with no fear,” and it sure lives up to that claim. Diced bacon is mixed into the brown sugar-maple syrup cupcake, which is then topped with a maple syrup-butter frosting and finished off with a sweet and salty kick from turbinado sugar and kosher salt. (Note: This does not make the cupcake kosher in any way). Full recipe here.

Appearing in the middle, No One Puts Cupcake in a Corner throws a chocolate spin on the BC, dreaming up an amazing coffee-buttermilk-dark chocolate-bacon batter. While she doesn’t give us a chocolate frosting recipe, she more than makes up for it by sprinkling bonus bacon (crispy, of course) on top of the cupcake. Full recipe here.

A Good Appetite, on the left, also goes with the dark chocolate theme, whipping up a batch of Hershey’s dark cocoa batter, topped with some dark chocolate frosting and a sprinkling of fleur de sel for that extra salty (and artsy!) touch. Extra points for some creative black and white photography. Full recipe here.

Wow I am hungry after writing all that up. I, for one, will surely be trying one of these recipes soon - so which one?

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Photos: Vanilla Garlic, No One Puts Cupcake in a Corner, and A Good Appetite

Seen an idea for Who Cooked It Better? Think you’ve got the bestest recipe in the world on your own blog? Email info@endlesssimmer.com

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As most of you know, Passover is the time of year when Jews celebrate the liberation of the Israelites from slavery. Our ancestors had no time to leaven their bread before fleeing Egypt, so in their honor we forgo fluffy dinner rolls in favor of dry and flat matzah.

Now here’s what I don’t get - I love me some baguettes and brioches, but unleavened bread can be fantastic in its own right. Tortillas, flatbreads, crackers - none of these things need to rise, yet they are all way more delicious than simplistic and flour-heavy matzah. So yeah, I can handle unleavened bread, but why can’t we go with a more exciting variety? Naan? Roti? Ritz crackers? Wheat Thins? One of Rachael Ray’s crazy triscuit concoctions? What about pita? That one’s even Jewish. OK, so maybe I’m no rabbinical student, but as far as I can tell, each of these types of unleavened bread would make for an infinitely more exciting Seder table than matzah, without technically breaking the rules.

Many people claim to love matzah, but it’s more likely they really just love whatever tasty topping they put on matzah to cover up its meh flavor. Because it tastes like nothing, you can really put anything on it. There’s the grade-school-nostalgic peanut-butter-and-jelly matzah, the bagel-imitating everything matzah, even fancy-pants smothered-in-nutella matzah. In an attempt to unite my Irish and Jewish heritage, sometimes I spread an ample serving of Kerrygold over matzah. It’s delicious, but of course it’s really just the butter I love. There’s even a Passover game where the adults hide the matzah throughout the house and the kids spend the evening searching for it. Honestly, I think everyone’s hoping it never gets found.

Seriously people, if we ever want to be as big as the Christian holidays, we’re gonna have to come up with more than this second-rate Easter egg hunt. I mean, these people have Cadbury’s creme eggs for Christ’s sake - we can’t compete with that! I’m not trying to offend anyone, but it’s been a few thousand years now, and we really need to come up with a more exciting matzah.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone. Forget everything I just said. I’m getting word that matzah can be made into candy. A-mazing.

Explanation after the jump.

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As you know, the reporting team here at Endless Simmer makes it our business to inform you of the presidential candidates’ food-related platforms and pitfalls. With the general election campaign just around the corner, the ES Editorial Board is still deadlocked on whether to endorse a candidate. While you might suppose our liberal, big-bacon tendencies have us gunning for an Obama-Clinton dream ticket, GOP-er John McCain isn’t letting us take anything for granted.

Despite several decades in the limelight, the 71-year-old senator’s views on foodie issues are still mostly unknown. Luckily, after a pizza-fueled swing through Brooklyn last week, the presumptive Republican nominee agreed to sit down for one of Endless Simmer’s signature g-chat interviews.

Our (imaginary) chat with Johnny Mac touches on his pizza preferences, Top Chef, the Capitol Hill eating scene, and of course, the secrets to a great passion fruit mousse.

BS@ES: Thanks for agreeing to g with us, Senator. Let’s get right down to business. In a visit to Brooklyn earlier this week, you made one of the toughest decisions facing any candidate visiting New York: where to eat pizza. Walk us through your thinking.

MacIsBack2k8: That’s a fair question and I should admit to some indiscretions in my past. Last time I was in New York, my young staffers took me to one of these new-fangled fairy places in Williamsburg. Supposed to be great or something.

BS@ES: Fornino?

MacIsBack2k8: Some crap like that. It’s hard to believe this is what passes for a pie in this day and age. Decent cheese and sauce, but you should see what these people put on their pizza. Truffle oil! Lamb! Pistachios, for crying out loud. In my day, people didn’t call that pizza.

BS@ES: You might say the variety of toppings was a little too liberal?

MacIsBack2k8: Here’s some straight talk for you, BS. When I visited New York in the 70’s, you could get a decent slice on any street corner in all five boroughs. Today, half of this fancy pants garbage they’re serving in Manhattan and Brooklyn doesn’t deserve to wipe my ass. But if you want a true old school pizza - quality sauce, plenty of mozz., and a stand-up crust that makes the perfect fold - you’ll still find it out here in Bay Ridge - which, I might add, also happens to be the most Republican neighborhood in all of Brooklyn. Not a coincidence, I don’t think.

BS@ES: Are you suggesting Republicans make better pizza than Democrats?

MacIsBack2k8: Look, unlike some of my liberal opponents, I don’t make any grandiose claims. All I’m saying is, you go to Soho, the Upper West Side, Park Slope, you get a a pussy little pie with flimsy crust and all kinds of high-falutin toppings. You go to Bay Ridge, Staten Island, even Long Island, you get a slice. That’s what I’m talking about.

BS@ES: What about toppings then, sir? I notice you opted for ‘ronis.

MacIsBack2k8: Brb.

MacIsBack2k8: After consulting with my press secretary, I want to be sure to state on the record that the tastiest pizza in America happens to come from my home state, the great state of Arizona. Spinato’s in Phoenix is a personal fav.

BS@ES: LOL - tasty pizza in Arizona - that’s a good one, Senator. But let’s be serious. I’m headed to D.C. later this month. Any power lunch spots you recommend?

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One of my biggest challenges when cooking is being creative in the kitchen. When it comes to following a recipe I’ve got it down; I can pretty much replicate someone else’s dish to the smallest detail. However, when it comes to creating a dish with the random ingredients in my kitchen, I’m at a loss. Due to my lack of creative juices I try to put my own spin on the things I cook, I’ll copy a recipe but make a few changes. I figured this a great way of teaching myself how to be a better cook so hopefully one day I wont be following the leader.

A few weeks back I was in New York and decided to pay a visit to Top Chef alum, Dave Martin’s Crave on 42nd. It’s not a bad restaurant if you like your food sweet! Everything was coated in either sugar or cinnamon; the sugar high upon leaving was unbelievable. But Dave’s signature black truffle mac n’ cheese was amazing and I knew I had to recreate this.

On the bus ride back I was perusing Food & Wine magazine and came across this white chocolate coated grapes with an orange curd from Citronelle DC’s, Michel Richard. I knew I had a meal in the making.

Luckily, I had just been asked to cater my boss’ baby shower — a perfect opportunity to experiment with these two new recipes. Although I couldn’t stick my boss with the bill for the pricey black truffles, I did manage to find a worthy substitute.

The recipes and pictures after the jump.

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We don’t get much baking done here at Endless Simmer. It’s not that we don’t have a collective sweet tooth (we sure do), it’s just that with all the measuring and timing and instruction-following, baking doesn’t quite fit into the creativity-fueled anarchy that guides our cooking world view. It takes so much discipline, attention, and, I don’t know, skill. Not for me.

Fortunately, Alex is much more of a patient, science-y type, which balances out well. She broke out the baking soda and measuring cups this weekend to throw together this chocolate cake while I made chiles rellenos.

Kind of a brownie kicked up a few notches, the cake isn’t as chocolate-y as it looks, with just a little cocoa powder going a long way, and the surprising addition of oatmeal keeping it rich and moist. Hmm…I’d tell you more about it, but again, don’t really know about baking. Regardless, it’s delicious and not too complicated.

The recipe, from Alex’s pal Eliza, and another vanity shot, after the j.

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Now I’m sure that our ES readers feel so completely satisfied with our coverage on all things food related that you don’t have the desire to check out other, less funny, less entertaining, less informative food blogs. But if you do, you may want to check out The Amateur Gourmet. Adam Roberts really nails the New York-gay-lawyer-Jew thing. Plus he makes some pretty great food.

Through my Express freelancing, I had the chance to gChat with the blogger behind the blog, who also is a published author and a new Food Network personality.

Check out our convo.

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