Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

turkey

Thanksgiving may be more than a month away, but the ES commenters have already begun planning for their turkey prep .  The consensus is that brining the bird is the way to go.  And the benefits of that salty bath go beyond juicy meat, according to Summer:

Brined turkeys don’t simply yield the most succulent, delicious meat — they make awesome gravy, too. Just remember that the drippings will be salty, so don’t add any extra salt, and use plain water rather than broth. All it will need is a little bit of fresh-ground pepper. I make gravy right in the roasting pan, just whisking in flour and warm water.

Republican Congressmen aren’t the only ones imagining that “Muslim spies” are infiltrating our most cherished national institutions.  Jeb pointed out some suspicious looking characters among the creepy Halloween foods:

I thought, at first glance, the Mummy Dogs were Taliban Dogs…is that weird?

It seems that our very own Brittania has some strong feelings about the relative quality of the glossy cooking magazines:

We lost he likes of Gourmet and the potential downsizing of Bon Appetit for the likes of FN Magazine- Food Magazine for Dummies.

(Photo: emotionaltoothpaste)

Iowa Doesn’t Have Squat on Minnesota

A week or so ago, BS shared with us the best the  Iowa State Fair has to offer.  Well, as many of the comments on BS’s post suggested, when you’re talking state fairs and you’re talking food, the Minnesota State Fair is really where it’s at.

Now I really am not one to toot Minnesota’s horn without cause.

I’m an East Coast gal (not born but bred), and I have a sufficiently obnoxious amount of regional and state pride.  I attended undergrad in Saint Paul, Minnesota and I was routinely disappointed with a lot of its food: cheese, bagels, pizza, Chinese. I was lactose tolerant then and had to school those MNers about the travesty that is Wisconsin cheddar; the closest thing to a sharp Vermont Cabot was Canadian Black Diamond cheddar.

However, Minnesota has the State Fair food superiority on lock down.

cheese-curds

Exhibit 1

Check out the video above by Minnesota Public Radio’s Curtis Gilbert. The dude only eats MN fair food and then visits a doctor to measure the presumptively deleterious effects on his health.

At the fair Gilbert gorged himself on scotch eggs on a stick, big fat bacon on a stick, deep fried gator, deep fried twinkies and pork chops among other foodstuffs (I hope he didn’t forget the fried cheese curds!)

Surprisingly Gilbert finds that binging on the fair food, for one day, actually brings his bad cholesterol level down…Could it be that MN State Fair food is actually good for us? Well the deep fried twinkies most certainly are.

More proof after the jump…

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Boob Jobs for Chickens

The other day I was lounging on my couch watching horrible reality TV shows and they all seemed to be about breast implants!!! Like the Real Housewives of whatever city where women are obsessing about their boob jobs, and then Addicted to Beauty about MORE people addicted to plastic surgery and boob jobs, and suddenly it all just becomes too much for me to handle. I decided to turn off the tv and replace one screen with another and check my email – and what do I have in my inbox? An email about CHICKEN PLUMPING and how companies are INJECTING chickens to increase their weight! Because CLEARLY the chickens need some work done too!

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Give Me My Man Meat

meat

This weekend I was flipping through the channels and stopped at Next Food Network Star. I’d never seen the show, never really wanted to, but since people seem to be talking about it I figured why the hell not. On this particular episode, the nine finalists were to create a recipe for Esquire magazine’s “Recipe for Men” section. Seems normal. But here’s my beef:

Most of the contestants went off on these rants about how “manly meals”= big slabs of meat. Apparently to some of these people, men only like meat and in a “man” recipe the main focus has to be a huge piece of meat. Hello, I’m a woman, and I like meat just as much as any guy out there. Now I don’t go walking around every day munching on giant turkey legs (well, I did  just that one time) , and some days I even go meatless. However, I often eat entire bags of beef jerkey in one sitting, and I’d die without sausage on my Dunkin Donuts sandwiches.  I know I cannot be some woman anomaly.  One of my grandmother’s favorite meals was rack of lamb, and she was a woman so feminine she never even wore pants.

Why the hell do “man” recipes even exist anyway? I mean, I eat the same things as my boyfriend and my father, although sometimes they eat larger quantities. If meat is a manly meal, what is a womanly meal? Vegetables?

(Pic: Steak with Red Wine Reduction)

Vince Shlomi Slap-Chops His Way Behind Bars

You all knew there was a good reason to hate on this buggerToolbag

Fuck that be-mohawked toolbag Vince Shlomi and his woman-hating ways.   I’m sure many of you have heard by now that yicky Mister Vince Shlomi (nay Shlomo!), the slap-chop seller featured for ridicule on ES a week and  a bit ago, has landed himself in some hot aguita for assaulting a sex-worker in Miami.  According to The Smoking Gun, despite his toolish ways, Shlomo has enough dough to spring for a luxurious suite in some high-end hotel and pay a grand for sex with a woman a little less than half his age (the ratbastard is 44).  Shlomo especially wanted the police to know that the sex-worker in question offered him “straight sex” for cash before he brought her back to his hotel room and proceeded to batter her.

Can’t really understand why he needed to clarify the orientation of his sexual appetites, but whatever.  Apparently the young woman in question sustained two black eyes at Shlomo’s hands, but managed to bite Shlomo’s tongue hard enough to cause bleeding (which cooled Shlomo’s ardor considerably and sent him running about the hotel screaming for the police and holding his tongue).  Unfortunately the Smoking Gun article only recounts Shlomo’s version of the events, but I bet Shlomo’s tongue was quite a chore to chew.  Prosecutors are ostensibly declining to pursue charges because all johns get one free battery (that’s a legal maxim, you know, not unlike, “all dogs get one free bite“). But can we all agree to boycott slapchop and the Tool it rode in on?

Photo: The Smoking Gun

It’s Freaky Being Green

green-squash.jpg

As gansie so helpfully pointed out last week, shopping at the Park Slope Food Co-op has significantly upped my food snobbishness quotient. I’ve given up the sharp cheddar for the Spanish goat cheese, cook with all kinds of crazy meats, and of course eat veggies that are organic, local, carbon-neutral, etc, etc…

But it still makes me feel kind of stupid, because half the time in the produce aisle I don’t know WTF I’m buying. Sometimes a random grab of something weird-looking turns out to be monstrously delicious, while other times the seemingly simplest purchases blow up in my face.

Case in point: Last week I brought a quite nice-looking yellow squash. Or so I thought….

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Artsy Photo of the Day

beer-can-chicken-025-600-x-398.jpg

Who knew a beer up the butt tasted so good (explanation after the jump…)

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