Vince Shlomi Slap-Chops His Way Behind Bars

You all knew there was a good reason to hate on this buggerToolbag

Fuck that be-mohawked toolbag Vince Shlomi and his woman-hating ways.   I’m sure many of you have heard by now that yicky Mister Vince Shlomi (nay Shlomo!), the slap-chop seller featured for ridicule on ES a week and  a bit ago, has landed himself in some hot aguita for assaulting a sex-worker in Miami.  According to The Smoking Gun, despite his toolish ways, Shlomo has enough dough to spring for a luxurious suite in some high-end hotel and pay a grand for sex with a woman a little less than half his age (the ratbastard is 44).  Shlomo especially wanted the police to know that the sex-worker in question offered him “straight sex” for cash before he brought her back to his hotel room and proceeded to batter her.

Can’t really understand why he needed to clarify the orientation of his sexual appetites, but whatever.  Apparently the young woman in question sustained two black eyes at Shlomo’s hands, but managed to bite Shlomo’s tongue hard enough to cause bleeding (which cooled Shlomo’s ardor considerably and sent him running about the hotel screaming for the police and holding his tongue).  Unfortunately the Smoking Gun article only recounts Shlomo’s version of the events, but I bet Shlomo’s tongue was quite a chore to chew.  Prosecutors are ostensibly declining to pursue charges because all johns get one free battery (that’s a legal maxim, you know, not unlike, “all dogs get one free bite“). But can we all agree to boycott slapchop and the Tool it rode in on?

Photo: The Smoking Gun

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  • erica April 1, 2009  

    I think by “straight sex” he meant just regular vaginal sex (as opposed to something less vanilla), not heterosexual sex.

  • Maids April 1, 2009  

    ahhh… interesting theory, Erica. did he think that paying for “straight” sex was somehow less illegal than paying for “crooked” sex?

  • uninterestedobserver April 1, 2009  

    I’m all in for a boycott of the slapchopper. Wasn’t really planning on buying one anyway, but now that I know that the spokesman is such a big bucket of slime, I’m going to make it my special mission to make sure that everyone I know knows not to purchase a slapchop or shamwow.

  • Sugar Honey-Honey April 1, 2009  

    The Mystery Meat tag is priceless! I love how you made this food related by speculating on the chewyness of his tongue!

  • Maids April 1, 2009  

    @Sugar – well the guy also sells a “cooking appliance” 😉

  • Liza April 1, 2009  

    EWWWW this guy is terrible!!! I’m appalled. YES BOYCOTT. I love how he thought “straight sex” would make what he did less of an issue!

  • Nick April 2, 2009  

    Somebody should Slap-chop Vince Jr……

  • PombaGira April 3, 2009  

    What a dumbass, everyone knows you don’t kiss prostitutes!

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