Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

liquid-olives

Maids seconded Brit and Deej’s thoughts on LA restaurant Bazaar:

As a rule modern cooks should refrain from creating membrane pockets. Membranes are usually unpleasant textures when we are confronted by them in the natural world and even more so when they are man-made vehicles for familiar tastes. Those olive juice membrane pockets sound disgusting, and I love olives.

But JoeHoya defends the ‘branes:

I’m a big fan of the olive oil spheres – I don’t remember the membrane being especially noticeable once it bursts, and the texture wasn’t as offputting as Maids assumes it might be at first.

Summer is not feeling the new Padma Lakshmi:

After watching Top Chef Masters last night, I’m of the opinion that Kelly Choi is an inoffensive substitute for Padma… except she is too damn skinny. They’re both models, and Padma is slender, but Kelly is so thin I have trouble believing that she is even capable of eating. Just where in that torso is there room for a large intestine?

– Finally, reaching back to Bliz’ pork porn, We Are Never Full shares a sentiment Spike and Andrew would be proud of:

is it wrong to say that i have a boner? is it even more wrong to say that i’m a girl? kidding… kidding. but this is almost gross enough to turn a hard-core pig-eater into a vegan. i said ALMOST gross enough. what a post.

Thanks for playing, kids – see ya next week!

ES/Food Network Contest: We Have a Winner

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I knew that we would learn something valuable as part of this little exercise.

I thought we might learn a wonderful new grilling technique.  I thought we might learn a valuable tip for keeping your burgers juicy.

But what we really learned is that Endless Simmer’s readers should not be allowed anywhere near an open flame.

We asked for the craziest grillers out there to chime in with their war stories.  The folks at Food Network stoked the fires with some sweet swag to help celebrate the arrival of grilling week on the network.  And you, dear reader, came up with some of the most harrowing stories we’ve ever heard from a cookout.

Our blue ribbon panel of experts reviewed the entries, notified the senders’ local fire safety officials, and came up with our winners.

And so, without further ado…

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Robots Confirm: Human Flesh Tastes Just Like Bacon

JAPAN THE WINEBOT

This may be helpful when zombie times come. Wired reports:

Researchers have designed the cute little guy to the right: a metal man gastronomist, “an electromechanical sommelier”, capable of identifying wines, cheeses, meats and hors d’oeuvres. Upon being given a sample, he will speak up in a childlike voice and identify what he has just been fed. The idea is that wineries can tell if a wine is authentic without even opening the bottle, amongst other more obscure uses…

But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot’s omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto.

Is it weird that I really want to know whether I taste more like bacon or prosciutto? I’m guessing maybe a fine sopressata.

(Photo: Wired)

Sandwich Making Time

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80P is in serious finals mode. I think he has something like writing four papers in four days. While I can’t help his regression model, or something like that, I can for sure buy him some studying food. What’s easier to eat than a sandwich while compiling a literature review?

And I swear, I was sandwichin‘ before I saw the WaPo’s ode to this fine invention.

But, I have to say, I surely haven’t been eating sandwiches like I used to. I don’t usually follow trends (fine, I wear skinny jeans and my leggings have stirrups) but the no-carb phenom forced me to reconsider my pasta and bagel habits. Not that I ever gave them up completely, but the monitoring was there. And I tried to ingest only whole wheat ones at that. But at Monday night’s Bestway, a desolated bread aisle was found and I had to choose either buttermilk flavored Wonderbread or six inch sub rolls…

So with my sub rolls and a few fillings back in the fridge it was sandwich makin’ time.

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Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: Special Communicable Disease Edition

prosciutto

I hope you’re all doing well today.  I’ve been a bit under the weather lately, so I’m not going to try to be particularly funny today.  I know what you’re thinking — “Why start now?”  Good one!  I bet you’ll feel bad when I’m rushed to the hospital.

Yep, I’m fairly certain that I’m sporting a strain of the Swine Flu, which I undoubtedly acquired as cosmic retribution for recently purchasing pre-diced prosciutto for use in risotto this past weekend.  Let that be a lesson to you:  Try to cut corners and run the risk of a serious infection.

Our favorite corner-cutter…Ruth Reichl goes for “funny ha-ha” in a video…and the unholy marriage of fast food, entertainment & marketing — plus a whole lot more smörg after the jump.

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Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

cereal

– ES-ers agree — Lard is ripe for a comeback. Will: Always been a fan of all things pork and that includes lard, which can be thinned with vegetable fat but never entirely replaced by it. As a biochemist I’ve always been amused by friends that will happily use a pound of butter, but are abhorred with the knowledge that my ultra flaky pie dough does in fact have a little pig in it. Laura: I have recipes that require lard just sitting around, waiting for the day when I can actually find it at the store. I’ve tried using Crisco as a substitute, and it sucks. So just waiting for lard to become “hot” again…I say “to lard.” There is no substitute.

-But the cereal war has divided ES-ers along fierce partisan lines. Nick speaks for the haters: I actually haven’t eaten cereal in years. I find it gross and way overpriced. Give me oatmeal, yogurt, or just fruit please. The only reason people like it is because they had it stuffed down their face hole for their entire lives. Jeb disagrees: Hating cereal is like hating dogs…it’s just wrong. And Alex L lays it down: So, my sister and I were born here in America, and grew up eating lots of cereal and drinking obscene amounts of milk. My father (an immigrant) commented that, along with most American kids, my sister and I smelled a little funny–that, because of our high-dairy diets, there was an ever-present and very faint odor of sour milk about our persons. A psychoanalyst would probably say this is the moment where I started becoming lactose intolerant.

-Finally, Samhill defends Top Chef’s latest British judge: To be fair, Jay Raynor is one of this country’s most respected food critics. He isn’t some Simon Cowell/Piers Morgan self congratulating idiot. I hope you’re going to be pleasantly surprised. But gansie has a better idea: I’m thinking posh spice would be perfect for a tv food judge spot.

(Photo: Joshzam)

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