ES/Food Network Contest: We Have a Winner
I knew that we would learn something valuable as part of this little exercise.
I thought we might learn a wonderful new grilling technique. I thought we might learn a valuable tip for keeping your burgers juicy.
But what we really learned is that Endless Simmer’s readers should not be allowed anywhere near an open flame.
We asked for the craziest grillers out there to chime in with their war stories. The folks at Food Network stoked the fires with some sweet swag to help celebrate the arrival of grilling week on the network. And you, dear reader, came up with some of the most harrowing stories we’ve ever heard from a cookout.
Our blue ribbon panel of experts reviewed the entries, notified the senders’ local fire safety officials, and came up with our winners.
And so, without further ado…
Third Place: Suneet
Making a commitment to vegetarianism takes an astonishing amount of devotion. Being a vegetarian and still grilling up a big-ass rack of pork ribs for guests and not being able to enjoy the spoils of your work takes super-human resolve.
I used to eat meat. I still crave the hell out of it but don’t eat it for health reasons. One of the best ways around it is to find creative ways to cook it for others After cooking in large quantities, the last thing I want to do is eat. Last Memorial Day I was inspired to make Indian-style pork ribs for my friends. I came up with a curried ribs recipe (my own rub and an Indian inspired bbq sauce) that they still ask me to make. They say it’s amazing. I have to take their word for it…I couldn’t try them. 🙂
Second Place: Patti
This one was short and sweet. That’s just as well because, if it went into any additional detail, I would have lost my lunch.
My sons and some of the neighborhood kids grilled cicadas a few years back when we had the whole 17 year bug infest. Someone told them they were edible and all the children are still alive. So, I guess they are.
First Place: Scott
I don’t know Scott. I’m sure he’s nice enough guy. That’s why I feel bad about potentially putting a damper on his social life by doing what I’m about to do.
Ladies and gentlemen…if Scott ever invites you over to his house for a cookout, for the love of all that is holy, don’t go.
Imagine a large pig, a ton of coal, a shoddy spit motor, and a rain storm. 10 friends and I tried our best, but the pig was skewered off center so it spun half way around labored and slow, before flopping to the other side. Each flop showered our coals with pig fat. Then the rain started. Not wanting to get wet we attached a big golf umbrella to the rack holding the pig, and ran for cover.
I’ll never forget my Brazilian friend in broken English yelling, “The Pig, the pig!”
Pork fat hit the coals, and ignited, the pig ignited, the umbrella ignited. It was an inferno. We had to hose the pig down, start a new fire and find a new umbrella. Long story short? Black pig on the outside, Raw pig on the inside, and 3 people hospitalized.
Now I just stick to shoulders.
Congratulations to the winners and thanks to all of you who entered!
(Photo: Pirate Alice)