Emily


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Macaroni and Cheese Hot Dogs. Seriously.

Here’s a shocker for everyone: I’m here to report yet more breaking hot dog news! Two of my favorite trashy bar foods, mac & cheese and hot dogs, have found each other at last. Then they found my mouth.

We’ve covered the existence of macaroni & cheese hot dogs before on ES, but I’d never seen them in the wild… until now. During one of my many bar-hopping benders last week, I cruised into Po Dogs in Seattle for a late-night meat fix, and discovered the accurately named Mac ‘n’ Cheese Dog: Homemade macaroni and cheese topped with Tillamook cheddar cheese. As a professional food writer, I advise you to order barbecue sauce on this as well.

For those of you who demand yet more cheese-drenched meat options, feel free to order the Dub-T Dog: creamy cheese sauce, crushed potato chips, topped with mustard and ketchup.

I mean, why not? Frankly (no pun intended!), I would like to cover most of my meals in melted cheese. This is a step in the right direction.

Previously: Peanut Butter Bacon Hot Dogs. Seriously.
Octopus Hot Dogs. Seriously.

in Cheese / Pig / Red Meat / Restaurants 1 comments
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And in Today’s Disturbing International Candy News…

Amsterdam has provided the world with a lot of great things. The chance for drunken American college students who are “studying abroad” to get waaay overly excited about legally smoking a cheap joint in a coffee shop, for example.  Now we have one more gift to add to the list: really creepy candy.

My friend Caitlin recently returned from a trip to Europe, and this was the souvenir she brought back for me. Weirdass pig gummy candies. “These just made me think of you! I had to buy them!” she said. I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted. Either way, they have the dubious distinction of being one of the most bizarre and upsettingly packaged foods I’ve seen in awhile. Those pigs… yikes. It’s like they’re staring into your soul with empty, lifeless eyes. And laughing at what they see. Don’t judge me, pigs!!!

Yes, that pig head is balanced on a wine glass.

Of course, if porcine gummies don’t do it for you, there’s always the candy Caitlin brought back from Spain, featuring a fat, bald, flying Casper on the package. Yum!

Sadly, these are just chocolate-covered peanuts. I was expecting something much more exciting, like… chocolate-covered ghosts. I guess just like you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t judge a candy by its entertainingly bad packaging. All of this makes me wonder: what American treats would freak out the Europeans? The Trix rabbit has always struck me as a bit creepy…

in Desserts / Food Travel / Pig 2 comments
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Top 10 Break-Up Foods

For some, Valentine’s Day is a time of magic and romance. For the rest of us, it’s a pain in the ass. I’m not a big proponent of feeling pressured if you’re dating someone, or sorry for yourself if you’re not. Come on, we’re all gonna get laid sooner or later, who cares if it’s on V-Day, right? And most romances end in heartache, so let’s just indulge ourselves and talk about something more realistic than the perfect confections to buy your sweetheart.

Maybe you’re feeling bitter because you got dumped right before Valentine’s Day, maybe you found out through Facebook that your high school lover is engaged, maybe you just realized that every dude on this season of Mtv’s Real World/Road Rules: The Challenge somehow resembles one of your ex-boyfriends. (I mean…hypothetically, of course.) At least there is always food and sweet, sweet alcohol.

Just in time for everyone who is feeling bitter over this “holiday,” we present Endless Simmer’s Top 10 Break-Up Foods.

10. Bananas

I know, we’re starting off with a weird one, but bear with me. For a lot of us, when we’re upset or depressed or convinced we will die alone, sometimes it’s hard to see the point of eating. (If you are in this heartbroken place, don’t worry; in my experience, this unwillingness to stuff your face will pass soon enough.) While you might feel dramatic and slightly excited by the possibility of effortless weight loss, you need something to provide you with energy, or at least keep you from fainting at your desk. I read somewhere that the human body could technically live off bananas. I don’t know if this is actually true, but this “fact” stuck with me, and now whenever I’m depressed and have to force myself to eat, I choke down a banana.

9. Coffee

You might be waking up alone, but at least you have a daybreak companion to look forward to: coffee. If you’re been up until 4am crying, or maybe writing angry emails, or pathetic “I am so lonely without you” texts, it’s gonna be a rough morning. You need to force yourself to get out of bed and face the day somehow. What is the answer? Caffeine, of course. There is something about a sober, steaming mug of black coffee that is bleakly comforting.

8. Pizza

You’re in no mood to cook. Everything is too much effort. Nothing says “I’m lonely and lazy” like some cheap pizza. Plus it’s oily enough to soak up a boozy hangover if you’re been drinking away your sorrows. Whether it’s local delivery, late-night drunken desperation, or a cold slice out of a greasy box you find in the back of the fridge, pizza is a tried-and-true break-up binge classic.

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in Cheese / Desserts / Drinks / Featured / Holiday / Lists / Personal / Photos / Red Meat / Top 10 Lists 11 comments
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A Finger-Lickin’ Read

Some people love cooking, and some people love reading romance novels. Some people love both, and boy, they are in luck today, because I’ve found a genre of  literature I never realized existed: the culinary romance!

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, I received a copy of Scrumptious, by Amanda Usen, and I was like “Hmmm… alright.” Romance novels are not my thing. They always remind me of the guidance counselor from 10 Things I Hate About You.  Nevertheless, I plowed through. Upon devouring this book, I decided, okay, romance novels are still not really for me, but I can’t say I wasn’t entertained. Here’s a small selection of my favorite passages:

The white beans in his saute pan were thick and gloppy. He checked the flame under the pan. Not hot enough. The opposite of the problem he was having with Marlene.

Man’s best friend is a dog, but woman’s best friend is a vibrator.

“Latex?”
“Not in my eggs. Otherwise, all set.”
“Egg-cellent.”

There really is something for everyone in the food world. I prefer Anthony Bourdain’s memoirs, but if you are in the mood to read 314 pages of foodie puns, romance scenes and happy endings, make a date with Scrumptious.

(Image: Sourcebooks)

in Uncategorized 1 comments
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Octopus Hot Dogs. Seriously.

Earlier this week I attended an event called Foodportunity (don’t read that as Foodporntunity as I originally did), a networking party for Seattle-area food journalists and restauranteurs. I had an enjoyable time mingling and chatting, but let’s get real. I was there for the food. Washington restaurants, farms, and local markets were catering the event and handing out generous samples. Clearly I could not pass up the chance to stuff my face with a bunch of snacks I wouldn’t ordinarily get to try.

As we’ve already covered here on ES, I love unusual hot dogs. So you can imagine my excitement when I saw what James Beard Award-winning chef Tom Douglas was offering: Octopus chorizo & pork belly hot dogs with pickled fennel and lemon aioli!

How were they? Do you even have to ask? They were spicy, sweet, and slightly oily. The buns were soft and buttery (ugh, I feel like I am writing about actual food porn now). That doesn’t come as a surprise since Tom Douglas is known to have some of the best baked goods in the city, at Dahlia Bakery and all his other restaurants. Would I have guessed the meat was made from octopus? And how do you make octopus into chorizo? I don’t know the answer to these questions, I just know this was one of the best damn dogs I’ve ever put in my mouth.

in Pig / Trends 1 comments
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Bizarre Artifacts From the Depths of My Pantry

Okay, sorry, I’ll admit it. I’m kind of a Monica and I love cleaning, organizing, and getting rid of things. Last weekend I decided to clean out the fridge and go through my cupboards, a daunting task given the fact that I am a bit of a food hoarder. Not in the “gross, what is that sheath of mold around that Tupperware?!” way, but in the charming “Oh look at this rare spice, I should stockpile a container of it just in case!” kind of way.

Here are the most surprising discoveries I unearthed while in the throes of my mission:

Not one, not two, but three kinds of nutmeg. Why? WHYYY? How did this come to be? What do I even use nutmeg for? My squash soup, I guess. And various roasted vegetables. Maybe spice cookies sometimes? I don’t know, I don’t know. This is basically a lifetime supply.

Um. Random “souvenirs” from Australia? These are all like three years old and I totally had no idea they were still in my pantry. Maybe I had big plans for the port wine jell-o in the past, but clearly by this point all those dreams have been shattered.

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in Personal 5 comments
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