Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

I never go to the grocery store with lists.

I’m sure it would make perfect sense to write out everything I plan to cook in the near future and purchase the necessary ingredients, but it’s just not me. I’d much rather go to the store, wander around, and grab everything that looks new and exciting, supermarket sweep style. While thrilling, this method has its drawbacks, as I often return home only to realize that I have 40 food items and not one complete meal.

This, of course, is how I end up cooking things like duck bacon-zucchini-tomato-pine nut tortellini. But sometimes I get home from the food co-op and realize I’ve bought something that I really have no idea how to work with.

A few weeks ago, I returned with a little baggie of organic lavender flower, a splurge purchase from the spice aisle that I am completely clueless about. When I google it, all I get is info about soap, so I’m really gonna need some help here, ES readers.

What does one cook with lavender? Do I stir it into tea? Is it a baking thing? Could I make some kind of rub for pork? Does it play well with other spices? Is it even a spice? Any input/recipes/crazy ideas would be much appreciated, and I promise to pursue the best idea and report back.

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My coworker is literally obsessed with the Travel Channel’s show Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. Have you seen this show? It’s crazy! Basically, chef/food critic/and blogger Andrew Zimmern travels around the world to places “discovering authentic experiences” by eating local dishes that us Americans would consider vomit worthy! But the dishes he eats are considered delicacies in countries he visits. Seriously, every day my coworker tells me about Andrew’s adventures in eating something unfathomable - would you try steamed fertilized duck eggs, (which is basically an egg with the bird inside - and you eat it, beak feathers and all! AHHHH!) How about bull testicles? Or Lamb ear fat???

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No, that’s not me.

Back in the’80s, us Irish-Americans used to feel pretty cool when our rural Irish cousins would come to visit us in New York, overwhelmed by our skyscrapers, blue jeans, and shockingly white butter. Fast forward a few decades, one massive economic trade pact, and three terms of Bush economic policies, and now we’re the quaint, poor ones, and Ireland is one of the richest countries in the world.

Among the turnabouts, they now have really nice cars, loads of political corruption, and my roof-thatcher uncle has become some sort of real estate baron. So now when we go visit, instead of sending the kids to go camp out in the backyard, they have an entire extra house for us. Pretty sweet! So two summers ago, when my brother, his wife, my cousin, her boyfriend, and my other cousin (oh, there’s a lot of cousins) went to Dunmore for yet another cousin’s wedding, we got our own house to ourselves, right in the middle of town, within stumbling distance of Dunmore’s many high-quality pubs.

And yes, I say all this to talk about butter.

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With the NCAA basketball tournament tipping off this afternoon, America’s brightest young minds are poised to spend the next month doing what they do best: getting drunk and yelling at television screens. When all the blood, sweat, tears - and beer - are swept off the court, the nation’s 18 million college students will be left in search of one thing: some grease to soak it all up.

While you were finalizing your bracket picks, Endless Simmer carefully evaluated the tournament field to compile this list of the tournament’s Top 10 Colleges - ranked by the drunk food they have to offer their hungry, hungry students. Eat that, U.S. News and World Report.

10. University of Wisconsin - Mac ‘n Cheese Pizza

Photo: J&J Blog

Oh maaaan, I need some pizza. Cheesy pizza. Mmmm, cheese. No, wait, I want mac and cheese. Oooh! Pizza with mac and cheese on top! That’s what I want.

If you have ever said or heard a statement like this, you are almost certainly a drunk college student. Also, you probably live in Wisconsin.

The Badgers may have been dissed by the selection committee (29-4 can’t get you a no #2 seed??) but Wisconsin never was as good at sports as they are at creative use of cheese. Madison drunks flock to Ian’s Pizza for this gooey, magnificent creation that just couldn’t come from any other state.

9. Rutgers - Fat Darell

Photo: AP

Don Imus’ not-so-favorite team is back in the women’s tourney as a Number 2 seed, while the Rutgers men were sent packing after a miserable season at the bottom of the Big East.

But don’t feel too bad for the Scarlet Knights - they can always console themselves back on campus with a Jersey summer full of Fat Darrells, a behemoth of a sandwich that solves the drunk’s eternal dilemma of “Do I want chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, or French fries?”

The answer: a resounding “all three,” piled high on a sub role and topped off with marinara sauce. I’d tell you more about it but I’m a little short of breath and I feel a painful shooting sensation in my arm.

8. Purdue - The Duane Purvis All-American

Photo: Flick User Horsepj

You can be forgiven if you didn’t know the name of Purdue’s All-American half-back/full-back from their undefeated 1932 football team. But you should damn well know the burger that bears his name.

The Triple XXX Family Restaurant in West Lafayette, Indiana serves up this decidedly unwholesome Boilermaker classic: 100% sirloin patty with lettuce, tomato, pickle, Spanish onions, and….wait for it…peanut butter. Only a drunk or Elvis - perhaps only a drunk Elvis - could fully appreciate this brilliance.

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It’s been a long, strange road for Mike Huckabee, but in the end, the previously portly pastor just couldn’t make the grade. He may have been short on money, he may not have delivered on those miracles he promised us, but you can say this for Mike Huckabee: it’s hard to imagine Hillary, Obama or McCain kicking back with a tasty snack of popcorn squirrel.

Stay tuned for more news on the ES endorsement front.

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When I first started cooking I loved watching all of the Food Network shows. I have to admit it, RayRay’s constant repeating of the same phrases and lessons did actually help me learn a few things (and some not-to-dos).

But I soon grew tired of those highly-stylized personalities and started checking out alternative shows. Public television is really where it’s at. That’s where I found the Hippy Gourmet. Read on.

And watch this.

Photo: Hippy Gourmet

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I assume I’m ineligible for the prize winnings, but my competitive streak won’t let me pass up the gauntlet gansie threw done with the varmint cooking contest.

Unfortunately, the food co-op was sorely lacking in the squirrel, mole and chipmunk departments, so the craziest thing I could find was wild boar. I know, not exactly scurrying folk, but really, it might not be a wild boar, it might be a rodent of unusual size.

Anyways, it’s from D’artagnan, so I jumped. Aside: can we talk about how awesome the D’artagnan brand is? I’ve already told you about their duck bacon. But I’ve been stockpiling their other fancy-pants provisions too, like chicken truffle sausage, dried porcinis and more. Plus, they are apparently all earthy and sustainable to boot. I swear this is not paid promotion, I’m just blown away by their meat.

And, this particular wild boar mini-roast is made from the knuckle of animal, and while I’m not exactly sure what that means, it sounds pretty damn varmint-y to me.

Back to the boar…

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Yes, I’m obsessed with the WaPo chats. Okay, so here is an a-mazing excerpt from Kim OD’s chat. Surely this reader is also a fan of ES! (Or just observing the Chinese New Year - the Year of the Rat.)

Fairfax, Va.: Do you have any rat recipes?

Kim O’Donnel: I think this is a question better suited for the most intrepid eater on the planet, Mister Anthony Bourdain.

***

No Rat on the Menu!: Actually, the Chinese government passed a resolution or some such thing asking the people to respect and honor (or something like that) rats for the next year…..I don’t think that includes eating them!

washingtonpost.com: PETA to China: Respect Rats, Especially This Year ( AP)

Kim O’Donnel: Interesting. Thanks to Mister Rocs, my handy producer, for digging up this link.

Remember to cook up your favorite rodent and tell us all about it. Submissions due 03/04/08. Send to: contests@endlessssimmer.com

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Gourmet magazine recently reworked their website to include sections on food politics, food-making videos and hoity toity advice. Now, this would not normally warrant a post on the anti-establishment ES, but they also added the section: “Vintage Gourmet.” This showcases ghosts of Gourmet’s past. And when I say ghosts, I just don’t mean pineapple, kiwi and goose pudding, or some other gelatin concoction. No, I mean seriously effed up dishes - VARMINT recipes. Yes, I said it. Gourmet actually published recipes for woodchuck, raccoon and squirrel.

Now this is where the fun comes in. ES will offer a guest blogging post to the most daring, most delicious attempt at varmint cooking and eating. AND, a coveted spot on our forthcoming Hall of Endless Eaters.

Please send recipes and photos to contests@endlesssimmer.com by March 3, 2008 (because the first is a Saturday and obviously we don’t work on Saturdays, we drink)

Good luck and Godspeed!

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