Toby Young: Jealous of Padma’s Scar?

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Do you know what makes for a really disappointing meal?  Concrete.

That’s what our buddy Toby Young discovered when he was part of a car/bicycle collision.  I’ll let you guess which vehicle Toby was occupying in this little get-together. At least they didn’t have to shave his head to put in the stitches.  Get well, brother, and start wearing a helmet…we wouldn’t want you to injure the part of your brain that comes up with snappy put-downs.

Toby’s full Twitterfied run-down of the event after the jump.

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Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: Apparently, Brian Boitano Has a Sense of Humor

In journalism, there is a concept called “burying the lede.”

The “lede” (an insider-ish spelling of “lead”) is the most important or juiciest part of the story.  So, if you were to bury the lede, your story would include a bunch of paragraphs with mundane information and then, as you’re getting to the end, you insert a bombshell revelation like it was nothing.  Burying the lede isn’t good when you’re a journalist.  But when you’re writing a press release, burying the lede is really bad because you want to grab hold of the reader’s attention as soon as possible to sell whatever it is you’re selling.

And so I have to call out the folks at Food Network for their latest press release, which features a number of new shows that will be premiering in the coming months.  Another Alton Brown show…a new season of The Next Iron Chef…Sandra Lee…blahblahblah…nothing earth-shattering.  And then I get way down near the bottom.

WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO MAKE?

Premieres: August 2009

Everyone knows Brian Boitano won an Olympic gold medal in figure skating. What they don’t know: Brian is an accomplished cook who loves to entertain! In this new series, Brian takes viewers on a reality cooking adventure as he creates amazing food for a new event in each episode. Funny, knowledgeable and irresistible, Brian brings himself and so much more to What Would Brian Boitano Make?

Whaaaaaat?!?  Are they really going to have a show title that refers to the legendary pre-South Park The Spirit of Christmas? (See video above…language extremely NSFW)  There is simply no way that this is not the best show on Food Network, even before it debuts.

More delicious smörg after the jump…

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Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

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– ES-ers agree — Lard is ripe for a comeback. Will: Always been a fan of all things pork and that includes lard, which can be thinned with vegetable fat but never entirely replaced by it. As a biochemist I’ve always been amused by friends that will happily use a pound of butter, but are abhorred with the knowledge that my ultra flaky pie dough does in fact have a little pig in it. Laura: I have recipes that require lard just sitting around, waiting for the day when I can actually find it at the store. I’ve tried using Crisco as a substitute, and it sucks. So just waiting for lard to become “hot” again…I say “to lard.” There is no substitute.

-But the cereal war has divided ES-ers along fierce partisan lines. Nick speaks for the haters: I actually haven’t eaten cereal in years. I find it gross and way overpriced. Give me oatmeal, yogurt, or just fruit please. The only reason people like it is because they had it stuffed down their face hole for their entire lives. Jeb disagrees: Hating cereal is like hating dogs…it’s just wrong. And Alex L lays it down: So, my sister and I were born here in America, and grew up eating lots of cereal and drinking obscene amounts of milk. My father (an immigrant) commented that, along with most American kids, my sister and I smelled a little funny–that, because of our high-dairy diets, there was an ever-present and very faint odor of sour milk about our persons. A psychoanalyst would probably say this is the moment where I started becoming lactose intolerant.

-Finally, Samhill defends Top Chef’s latest British judge: To be fair, Jay Raynor is one of this country’s most respected food critics. He isn’t some Simon Cowell/Piers Morgan self congratulating idiot. I hope you’re going to be pleasantly surprised. But gansie has a better idea: I’m thinking posh spice would be perfect for a tv food judge spot.

(Photo: Joshzam)

Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: Stop the British Judge Trend Before It’s Too Late!

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How are you going to spend your tax refund?  You know…that money that you overpaid in taxes but which you act like comes from hitting the pick-three lotto.  It’s amazing how eager we are to blow it on luxury items when we get it on April 15th, but which we’d otherwise put away into investments if we received it every other week.  Of course, these days, I suppose it’s less about “luxury items” and more about “mortgage payments and food.”

Times are tough, but you still need to splurge sometimes.  This week, don’t feel bad about buying yourself some Fancy Feast for tonight’s dinner! On with the Smörg…

– Gee, Top Chef Masters looks like a pretty classy operation.  You know what it needs?  A British judge.  Kill me now.

– “Hot” off his stint on the short-lived Chopping Block, Marco Pierre White will be cruising the world and showing tourists how to cook.  For the traveler who likes to mix in some verbal abuse with his rest and relaxation.

– Mark Bittman rails against…well…the concept of edited cooking shows, I think.  At least Bourdain narrows down his scorn to Rachael Ray or Sandra Lee.  Focus, man, focus!

After the jump:  Masochism…or a reasonable reaction to Gordon Ramsay? And Padma Laskhmi without any clothes (no, really!)

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Peep-A-Boo

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Peeps are totally gross. But peeps dressed up as Top Chef contestants is totally hysterical. This diorama won honorable mention in the Washington Post Peeps Show 3, where seemingly normal adults dedicate too much of their time to posing bunny-shaped-sugar into human scenarios. As my friend Mariah Carey perfectly summed it up: “Darfur, people, Darfur.”

Other foodie favs: Iron Peep (pic #31) and Passover sedar (pic #32).

Pics: WaPo

Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord

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The reality cooking competition shows are coming fast and furious – two new ones to report this week! The double-announcement got me thinking about these shows.  By my count, there are three kinds of contestants on these shows:  the “amateurs” (Hell’s Kitchen, Next Food Network Star…I know some are food service pros, but they’re amateurs for the sake of argument); the “serious chefs” (Top Chef, Iron Chef); and the “culinary super-stars” (Next Iron Chef, Top Chef Masters — see below).  Obviously, the super-stars are only getting out of bed for something worthwhile and the amateurs are happy to accept the abuse in the hopes of a payday.

But how would the serious chefs deal with being put in a situation with Gordon Ramsay?  Would that work as a show?  If you’ve seen his BBC programs, you know that Ramsay can be insulting yet helpful and knowledgeable, as opposed to his Fox programs, where he’s insulting and — well — insulting.  Could we have a show that paired the talented contestants and a serious culinary sensibility with a taskmaster like Ramsay running the show?  What do you think?  Let’s hear about it in the comments.

In the meantime, on to the Smorg..

– Kate Moss is apparently writing a cookbook.  I’m a little suspicious, though, as every recipe calls for baking soda.  Piles and piles of baking soda.

Top Chef Masters, an all-star version of the popular culinary show, will be similar to the regular program but will feature celebrity chefs contestants including Wylie Dufresne, Art Smith and Rick Bayless.  Also differentiating this version from the original will be the presence of significantly fewer faux-hawks.

– Also announced this week was the new slate of contestants for this year’s version of The Next Food Network Star, which will debut on June 7th at 9:00 pm.  Among those vying for the title will be DC’s Teddy Folkman.  And Endless Simmer can say that we knew him when!

Note to restaurateurs:  Be nice to Jimmy Fallon or he will shut your ass down!  Hell hath no fury like a Twitterer scorned.

After the jump…the chick from Alias likes saturated fats and what to do if you absolutely must know what happened on Chopping Block.

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An Open Letter to Padma

Dear Ms. Lakshmi,

I really hope that things are going well with you.  I only ask because, at the risk of being too blunt, I’m a little bit worried about you and your cash flow.

I was under the impression that you pretty much had it all.  You’re the host of the most popular food program on television.  You’re a successful model.  And you’ve even written a cookbook.  That’s amazing!  I’d guess that you’d probably be just rolling in cash.

Again, not to get too personal, but I’m not sure how much of an impact your recent, high-profile divorce may have had on your finances.  How does British divorce law work?  Apparently, your Ex is pretty well known, too, although all I really know about him is he doesn’t have many fans in the Middle East, that he had a cameo in that Renee Zellweger movie and he may or may not frequent saunas in Manhattan.  So, my guess is that it turns out to be a push financially.

Despite having all this going for you, (and the whole serial dating of billionaires thing) I get the feeling you may be short on money…

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