Top 10 New Foods at the 2012 State Fairs

Well, in regards to ridiculous overloads of novelty foods, it’s all downhill from here—state fair season is over for the year. We’ll have to wait for months before a stream of deep-fried, chocolate-covered, bacon-wrapped indulgences can once again make their appearance in our diets. In the meantime, let’s take a look at some of the most shocking new creations that made their debut onto the state fair food scene in 2012. Steel your arteries…

10. BIG Beef Rib – California State Fair

You’d think that a normal beef rib would contain enough animal flesh, but you would be wrong, and the California State Fair is here to prove it. They’ve jammed a giant 24-oz. steak ONTO a 17-inch beef rib bone. Why?! Because they can. (Photo: Cavegrrl.com)

9. Deep Fried Cotton Candy – Texas State Fair

We saw deep fried Kool-Aid and deep fried salsa at last year’s state fairs, so we should have known that cotton candy couldn’t be that far off. Pretty crazy, because it seems like the spun sugar would melt in the deep fryer. Life is full of mysteries. Not enough sweets for you? Don’t worry, this treat is served by a frozen yogurt purveyor, so feel free to use these giant balls of fried sugar as a topping on your froyo. (Photo: Cassie’s Frozen Yogurt)

8. Outlaw Stacker – Eastern Idaho State Fair

We all know that french fries are a great base for all kinds of toppings, and the Eastern Idaho State Fair really took that idea and ran with it. The Outlaw Stacker is a huge pile of fries smothered in gravy, bacon, and a fried egg. The name rings true—health and nutrition are truly outlawed in this dish. And we’re okay with that. (Photo: Eastern Idaho State Fair)

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Burns My Bacon: Religion in My Food

Sure, if I’m going to The Bread of Life restaurant in middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania, I might expect all of the menu items to be named after Biblical characters (the food is still strikingly good). If I go to Chick-fil-A I know I’m supporting a Christian company (Sorry, I really like those chicken nuggets)

But I don’t like religious propaganda when I’m not asking for it. I don’t want to open my eggs I bought at the grocery store to find scripture. Maybe it’s my fault for buying 89-cent a dozen eggs. But doesn’t the scripture quoted on my factory-farmed eggs come from the same book that tells us to treat our animals well? What is the point? Do they really think, as I make scrambled eggs, hungover as hell on a Saturday morning, that I will see this message and suddenly be enlightened? How many people say they found god inside of their egg carton?

I Are Sophisticated

So-phis-ti-ca-tion. [suh-fis-ti-key-shuhn]. The art of becoming less naïve and more refined. The quality of refinement—displaying good taste, wisdom and subtlety rather than crudeness, stupidity and vulgarity. To become more worldly through cultivation or experience. To….

Ah, who am I kidding? I got nunna dat. I’m about as sophisticated as a Pop Tart. And just as square. Like a lot of you I sometimes pretend, but eventually I get found out. Like the time that I ordered the Trout Almandine special, and once the waiter placed it in front of me I asked him where they hide the tartar sauce. Sophistication always looks good, but sometimes it’s a lot of hard work. Take Beef Wellington. I’ve made this dish twice. It’s a half-day event. And each time that I served it to my sophisticated friends, they went bat-shit crazy. Couldn’t get enough, they said. I on the other hand, couldn’t wait to go out and get a Quarter Pounder with cheese.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the finer things, it’s just that sometimes all of the extra hard work and cost just doesn’t seem worth it. I wanna be sophisticated, I just don’t wanna work too hard at it. Anyway, I recently had the need to provide a high-end breakfast for a special ‘friend’ that unexpectedly spent the night. A couple of eggs over easy and some Jimmie Deans just wasn’t gonna cut it. I needed sophisticated but do-able. And I just happened to have the perfect recipe. I call it, “The Morning After” breakfast. It also works for Mother’s Day and special occasions. Throw back a couple of Mimosas while you scarf it down and you’ve got the perfect start to your day. And if there’s an MMA bout on cable, it’s like Christmas morning!

The beauty of this dish is that it doesn’t require any special knife stills. If you can hack up some vegetables and walk away with all of your fingers still attached, you can make this dish. The hardest part is getting the eggs into a bowl without breaking the yolk.

Morning After Eggs

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Egg Separation Trick: Magic or Logic?

There’s a YouTube video making the rounds:

 

Lots of internet people are pretty excited about it, but commenter splendid696 asks, “Simple physics is now black magic? Are we going back to Dark Ages?” Ol’ splendid696, ever the realist. I mean, they have a point, but it’s still cool. Also I never took physics! So take that!

Personally, I’ve always been a fan of the old-fashioned shell-to-shell maneuver, but I’ll admit my success rate isn’t quite 100%. Sometimes I just get overzealous about smashing the egg and then I get shards everywhere, you know? I think I’ll give this water bottle trick a shot sometime soon, just for the hell of it.

Endless Road Trip Seattle: Clucking Great Fried Chicken

Most people think of salmon as Seattle’s prime protein, and while it’s true that seafood is a Northwest mainstay, this city can cook up some fried meat just as well as any southern hotspot. Thanks to Oprah, Seattle has been lauded for Ezell’s chicken, but I have a different go-to for fried bird: Skillet Diner in Capitol Hill. Famous for their cult hit bacon jam, Skillet started out as a small food trailer that became so popular they were able to afford a brick-and-mortar place in Capitol Hill; prime real estate.

Skillet’s burger and grilled cheese are amazing, but to me, nothing beats their fowl. I’m most fond of the fried chicken sandwich on fresh potato bread with pickled and charred jalapeño aioli and kale. It’s served with another Skillet signature, their ridiculous poutine, a giant pile of fries smothered in a gratuitous amount of herbed cheddar sauce:

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Deviled Egg Porn of the Day

The tastiest crazy deviled egg concoction I have sampled yet:  Jasper’s Corner Kitchen and Tap in San Francisco is now serving chips and salsa deviled eggs. Gimmicky? Sure. Amazing? Yes.

More: Deviled Eggs Gone Wild!

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