Top Chef

by BS

Ripoff Watch: So That’s Where Ted Allen Went

Sometimes I feel bad that such a large majority of our food TV coverage involves snarkily making fun of said food TV, but seriously — what’s wrong with the food network? For a group of people completely obsessed with all thing edible, we can barely find a decent show to watch there. We are down with Top Chef, No Reservations, the Hippy Gourmet, and of course Jacquy P, but I don’t have a single favorite show on the Food Network, which seems to be an endless stream of Rachael Ray and Giada spinoffs that are no different than the shows that came before them.

Which is why I appreciate that the Food Network is at least trying to draw our attention by ripping off Top Chef, the most engrossing food show on television. But their latest Top Chef imitation is such an obvious clone that it almost looks like a joke. In Chopped, four chefs face off to create an elaborate three-course meal, racing against the clock, facing the wrath of judges such as Rocco DiSpirito, a bald guy who’s not Tom Colcichio, and a Gail Simmons clone, and one-by-one hearing host and former Top Chef-er Ted Allen drop the dramatic news: “you’ve been chopped.” Good try, Food Network, but unless you have Padma Lakshmi gagging on a sweet mouthful, I’m sticking with Bravo.

Check out the hilarious preview for ~~Top Chef 6~~ Chopped over at the excellent blog Eat Me Daily. And for the real deal, tune into ES tonight at 10pm for the original Top Chef live blogging. Check after the jump for a preview of tonight’s episode.

in Rants & Raves / TV 11 comments

by BS

ES Editors’ Choice Awards: Best Food Moments of 2008

OK you’ve had your say readers. Hezbollah Tofu is the Eater of the Year. But you know what? This is a food-tatorship, not a food-ocracy, and you didn’t really think we were going to let you lowly readers get the last say, did you? In all seriousness, thanks for voting, but we want to continue the award season silliness and call out a few more of our favorite eating moments of 2008. What were your favorite moments? Holler back.

Most Improved Eater: The Political Media

There’s been a lot of criticism of the MSM this year — they were in the tank for Obama! They forgot to report about the war! They can’t afford to print papers! — but here at ES we noticed a marked improvement. Throughout the campaign, we could barely turn on our TV or crack open a magazine without learning important breaking news about what one candidate or another was eating. Hillary stops for ice cream! Huckabee fries squirrels! McCain gained five pounds! It was beautiful. I mean, look at this recent page from the Huffington Post. Not one, not two, but three top-of-page stories about what Barack Obama is eating this week — and he’s on vacation. Keep up the good work in 2009, media.

Best Food TV Moment

There is staged reality TV lameness, and then there are inevitable unexpected moments of genius. Top Chef 5 is not even halfway through, but we suspect we’ve already seen this season’s high-point: Ice Queen Padma Lakshmi, usually so adept at keeping her judgely emotions under wraps, simply lost it upon taking one bite of Jersey housewife Ariane’s super-sweet cherry surprise and literally gagged on it. Padma felt so bad about actually spitting out Ariane’s food that she let the old lady win every challenge since then. We don’t even care who wins Top Chef this year. We’ll just remember this one shining moment.

Best Use of Bacon

As you know, the best use of bacon of course means the most outlandish use of bacon. A dish that doesn’t crumble bacon or garnish with bacon, but creates something so bacon-y extravagant that your heart hurts just looking at it. FoodProof wins this one by a landslide with their remarkable woven bacon and cheese roll. Death on a plate in just seven easy steps.

More awards after the jump…

by BS

The Top 10 Most Outrageous Holiday Gifts for Foodies

I’m sick and tired of reading about ideas for recession-era holiday gifts. We have one little global financial meltdown and all of a sudden we’re all supposed to do our Christmas shopping at Family Dollar? I don’t think so. This is Christmas! The season of greed and gluttony! The time for Americans to dig ourselves into a financial, spiritual, and health hole so deep that it lasts until Spring. Christmas is no time to start cutting up our credit cards and pulling ourselves out of this financial mess.

The “experts” keep telling us we’re in this recession thing for the long haul, so what harm could one more season of unnecessary overspending do? In that heartwarming holiday spirit, may we present the Top 10 Most Outrageous Holiday Gifts for Foodies, celebrating the best in kitchen presents that are insanely overpriced, shamelessly unitasking, and utterly, completely necessary.

10. Dough-Nu-Matic Automatic Dougnut Machine

I love America’s favorite fried cake treat as much as the next staunch patriot, but donuts fall firmly into the category of things we should not be allowed to make at home. Especially in a gizmo that “automatically forms, fries and drains delectable mini-doughnuts in just 50 seconds!” This is just not right. I am envisioning a dark future in which a nation of 1,000-pound Americans never leave home, unable to lure themselves away from the glazed goodness that is automatically shot into our mouths every 50 seconds. Also, I really want one of these.

9. Aerogarden Elite Garden

I want to be a good locavore, I really do. It would be so great to have fresh basil and lettuce and tomatoes all growing in my backyard. But it all sounds so…dirty. Not anymore. This do-it-yourself (but don’t do much) kit comes complete with a ready-to-go package of seeds, is automatically set to adjust for the most appropriate lighting, and doesn’t even require soil (WTF? How?) It even alerts you when your plants need to be watered. Good luck explaining to the DEA officer that it really is oregano.

8. Peanut Butter of the Month Club

OK, so January is creamy, February is chunky, but what comes after that? I’m really not sure, but if peanut butter is the next thing we’re supposed to get food-snobby about, count me in! This gift features 12 “limited-production, specialty-flavored peanut butters from boutique peanut butter producers nationwide.” Who knew there was even such a thing as a “boutique peanut butter producer?!” For the low-low price of $215, you can spend the whole year telling your friends that you’re really into raspberry white chocolate peanut butter, cinnamon currant peanut butter, or truffle foie gras peanut butter laced with PCP! OK, I made that last one up but the others are real. Amazing!

in Bacon / Desserts / Drinks / Holiday / Lists / Pig / Red Meat 35 comments