The Regrettable Edible

jello maragarita

You know what the relationship is between inspiration and perspiration? Inspiration allows you to think outside the box, which sometimes leads to magical creations. Perspiration is what happens when life bends you over the Counter of Good Intentions and pile drives your inspiration into deep regret. Case in point; I got a call from a special ‘friend’ who is a single mom with two great kids who are Cub Scouts. My friend has a demanding, full-time job and was hosting her sons’ Cub Scout meeting after work, and she asked me if I could help her out by preparing some lime Jell-o desserts for the troop before she got home. I knew that I would be compensated for this in a way that I can’t describe, so I quickly agreed and went over to her place to make the treats.

While I was looking for some pots I found her liquor stash and unopened bottles of tequila and margarita mix. Suddenly – inspiration!

What if I substituted half the Jell-o water with tequila and margarita mix? If this worked that would be a cool little treat for my friend and myself once the Cub Scout meeting was over and it was time for my compensation. I prepared the Jell-o and added my margarita substitute; then I put the sauce pan into the fridge to chill. Once it set up I’d cut a bunch of small square margarita shots for me and my favorite Den Mother to enjoy later that evening. I still had plenty of time to run out and get some more Jell-o to make for the Scouts before the meeting so I jumped into my ride and took the freeway shortcut to the store.

Uh…did I mention that I live in L.A.? Yeah, well…on the way back I was a quarter-mile from the exit when something happened to the tractor-trailer up ahead and before I knew it the rig was lying on its side across the freeway! The driver got out okay but all four lanes on my side came to a grinding halt. I was gridlocked with no way out when I made a shocking discovery; in my haste to rush out and get the additional Jell-o I had left my cell phone in the kitchen! Up to this point I wasn’t worried that I hadn’t memorized her number because I knew it was in my phone. Perspiration!

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Top 10 American Flags Made Out of Food

Here at Endless Simmer, we pledge allegiance to two things: this great country we call America, and all the ridic food treasures it holds within. Fine citizens of our sea-to-shining-sea have taken it upon themselves to honor the former with the latter; there are so many entertaining food flags lurking around the internet. Just in time for the daydrinking-fueled, explosion-laden meatstravaganza that is the celebration of our glorious nation’s birth, here are our T10AFMOOF: Top 10 American Flags Made Out Of Food.

10. Taco Bell Hot Sauce Flag

Like many of life’s greatest and most inspirational mysteries, we’re not sure exactly where it originated… but this beautiful Taco Bell Hot Sauce Flag has been making the rounds on Twitter lately. We support it. Not a bad idea for a festive “tablescape” if you’re serving tacos at your holiday gathering.

 9. Cake Pop Flag

Cake? Fine. Cake pops? Sure, whatever. Cake pops remade into cake?! Invention and the freedom to do what you want is the backbone of this great country! We’ll take it! Thanks, Bakerella.

 8. Pancake Flag

Mom to 2 Posh Lil Divas has the right idea: start your day the American way! To turn boring, regular pancakes into spectacularly patriotic pancakes that even George Washington would be proud of, all you need is some food coloring and chocolate chips.

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Easter Candy for Grown-Ups: Peep-Stuffed Jello Shots

The Easter bunny is coming to you this year…by way of a Peep-stuffed jello shot!

Here’s the thing: I’m not a fan of dyeing eggs. In fact, I kinda hate it.  I don’t like the smell of those PAAS kits. I did it for the first time two years ago when my kid was 2. Pure torture. I know — what kind of mother am I?

Well, I’m the kind of mother who makes jell-o-colored eggs shot up with booze for adults and mixed with juice for kids.

See the bottom half, the egg? I went and shot it up with some of Pinnacle’s Cotton Candy vodka. The Peep remains a virgin — although if you wanted to, you could certainly make some boozy Peeps, too. I had to skip the boozy Peep making since my now-5-year-old was anxious to get Easter started once he saw me messing around with the plastic eggs.

This is as close as I will get to artificially dyeing an egg for Easter — even if it’s a wannabe egg.

Easter Egg Jello Shots

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Booze Bites: Irish Car Bomb Jell-O Shots

Chewable beer bite? Sure, you probably associate that phrase with a less-than-pleasant experience, something that might have involved hanging out a car door window like a dog on a drive. Luckily, we’re here to supplant that memory with a chewable beer bite you can enjoy. Let’s talk Irish Car Bomb Jell-shots.

No more worries of having to invoke those college days when you had guzzle this drink quickly just to avoid the curdle. No, we’ve grown up, we can self-moderate and we can do so gracefully with a treat that won’t leave guzzling trails at the corner of our mouths.

*To make this fun treat we we used two types  of molds. The layered Jell-o shot  on the right is made using a mini  muffin pan. To acheive the shot-in-the-glass look like the ones on the left we used this mold found here.

Irish Car Bomb Jell-o Shots

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Booze Bites: Royal Velvet Jello Shots

Ever been in a mood when you can’t decide whether what you need is a snack or a cocktail? We’ve got you covered. Our new series, Booze Bites, is for those times when what you need is something tasty…and drink-y. We’ll be bringing you boozy marshmallows, pudding shooters and  Jell-o shots.

To get things started we are featuring a Royal Velvet Jello Shot. Set against a raspberry backdrop, the whiskey comes through strong but is mellowed out by the sweetness of Chambord.

Now that you know what we will be consuming for our next happy hour, we want to know what you would like for yours. Order-up and leave us a comment letting us know if there is a drink you want to see turned into any one of our three boozy bites.

Royal Velvet Jello Shot

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Jell-O Goes Naughty

Jell-O has a new product – and apparently it’s R-rated. Jell-O Temptations. As Kraft (who own Jell-O) describes on their website, “Enjoy the naughty taste of new TEMPTATIONS by JELL-O with 150 well-behaved calories or less.” Damn! This Jell-O is so naughty it needs a spanking.

But how can Jell-O protect the innocence of children but still market their saucy, naughty little product to adults? Kraft’s new marketing tool, a vending machine that dispenses product samples to adults only, addresses this issue. Free Jell-O Temptations for adults ONLY!!!

So how does the machine differentiate between children and adults? They use a simultaneously creepy and cool feature developed by Kraft and Intel that uses a facial recognition sensor on the machine to determine the age of the user. A camera scans your face and measures the distance between your facial features to determine age.

I don’t have anything against children — in fact sometimes I even like them — but why should they always get the free cookie? I think Jell-O’s new marketing campaign is brilliant, and I’ll tell you why. I previously had absolutely no interest whatsoever in trying a Jell-O Temptations pudding mousse — in fact I detest Jell-O in every form (the food wiggles and MOVES ON ITS OWN – so wrong) — but here I am talking about it, extolling the virtues of a vending machine that yells at children. A vending machine that yells at children?! YES! Well it doesn’t exactly yell, but it beeps loudly and flashes this screen:

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10 Christmas Treats Better Than Christmas Cookies

Last week I couldn’t figure out what the deal is with Christmas cookies. And after some ranting, I was still curious-slash-irritated. I decided that I’d actually rather eat the dreaded cupcake over some  snickerdoodle. Let’s stroll through some other Christmas eats more exciting than those damn cookies.

10. Ho! Ho!

(Photo: Strange Days)

9. Life is Like…

(Photo: omgitsrenzo)

8. Honestly, I Don’t Know What This Is Made Of, But It’s Gorgeous, Right?!

(Photo: Icy Snow of Winter)

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