Holy crap.
So my older brother completely slacked on getting me a Christmas present this year. I mean, it’s almost Easter for Christ’s sake. It’s OK, I forgave him since he has one of those miniature people things to take care of. Anyways, he kept saying he was just about to send my present in the mail. Expecting a CD or book or something, I had pretty much forgotten about it.
Needless to say I was surprised when the UPS guy rang the doorbell this morning, carrying a three foot long, oddly-shaped box postmarked Louisiana and leaving a significant trail of soil behind it.
It’s a Miracle Fruit plant! Wow, I had no idea you could even purchase an entire plant – no way am I ponying up $15 a berry to those shady fruit party people – I’m growing my own, suckas!
So here’s the thing…I have no freaking idea how to make a plant survive, much less convince it to grow berries. I’ve never been responsible for one before.
I am so excited to make this thing flower, and you all are officially invited to the ES miracle party, but, I am equally nervous that I am going to make it die. I know I’m supposed to put water in the soil or something like that, but I’m in serious need of some advice.
Here’s what the seller, Stokes Tropical, has to say:
Prefers 30-50% shade. Blooms from May-November and has fruit form June-December in Zone 9. In Zone 10 and higher plant is ever bearing. Slow growing (5-year old plant, only 3’ tall), make it ideal for container culture; a 10 year old plant is only 4’-5’. Very heavy fruit producer; 6’ plant produces as many as 300 berries at one time.
Aaaaaaaah! What the hell does any of that mean? How do I give something 30 to 50% shade? Where in the world is Zone 9? Where are my 300 delicious berries? HELP!
