The First One Is Free, Kid…

I’m gonna go ahead and say I’m getting a little old for the party circuit. (One sign is when you find the latest club opening far less exciting than the news that Food Network is now available in HD.)

But I do still keep my in-box full of all those email updates about what the crazy kids are into this week, just to pretend like I can still hang.

Thrillist is one daily email that lets you know where the hard-partying set is pouring, pill-popping and passing out on a daily basis.

Last week, I was shocked to receive an email from Thillist proclaiming that the latest party prop of choice isn’t Adderall, cystal meth, or a kumquatini, but merely a pint-sized African fruit that sounds more Everyday with Rachel Ray than partying with Paris.

From Thrillist, here’s the scoop on Miracle Fruit Parties (or MFPs – the kidz love to abbreviate)

MFPs are underground bacchanalias celebrating a rare West African berry: Synsepalum dulcificum, which makes sour foods sweet, but has been banned as a food additive due to pressure from “Big Splenda”. Parties begin when you pop a cranberry-sized fruit, numbing your tongue’s sour receptors for 20-30mins before you have to re-up, thus prepping you for the tart grub spread, from lemons that’ll taste like pixy stix, to goat cheese that’ll taste like frosting…Then wash it all down with a procession of stouts and tequilas, which’ll taste respectively like milkshakes and lemonades — what you secretly yearn for while choking down stouts and tequilas.

Sounds tantalizing. But I don’t know about this party thing. What about recluse writers who only like to communicate with other humans via comments and gchat?

Luckily, the dudes throwing these crazy munch-fests are also hawking the berries on the side, so I of course emailed about possibly buying some of these magical fruits, and got a reply that the MFs are selling for $15 a berry, with a minimum order of 10 berries.

Woah, $15 a pop, with a minimum order of $150 – if you ask me, that seems a little intense for anything that isn’t grown in Piedmont or Medellin.

So what do you guys think? Has anyone actually tasted a miracle berry? Think they are worth the cost? Wanna go in on a bushel?

Photo: Thrillist