“You’re Gonna Love My Nuts!”

Apparently, those Sham-Wow commercials have gone over like gangbusters, because the jackass from those spots has moved on to being a shill for something called the Slap Chop.  I’ve been seeing this type of chopper for a while now, but apparently this one comes apart so that you don’t die from the bacteria or something.  It was a bit unclear.

The really interesting part is that he manages to use the device for over three whole minutes and never once produces something that looks appetizing. That tuna “salad” looks atrocious and who wants a pickle as part of their ham and egg breakfast?

And don’t get me started on that cheese grater…it looks like a rejected part from the Play-Doh Fun Factory.

Panamaniac

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Hola! As I’m sure all you loyal ES-ers noticed, I was totally MIA last week. Thanks to all you contributors for picking up the slack while I was off chillaxing in the Caribbean. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how mad I am to be in front of a computer and not on the beach right now. I’m also sure no one feels the slightest bit bad for me. If it’s any consolation, a large section of my forehead is peeling off as I type (it’s not easy being this white!)

OK, enough about non-edible topics. Let’s talk food. A bunch of people had told me that Central American food outside of Mexico can be disappointingly bland. This was not remotely the case in Panama. Sometimes it was really simple, like plain black beans over plain white rice with a simple slab of beef or chicken, but it was always tasty and there was almost always some spicy chili sauce on the table to add. On with the show:

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Carimañolas are a Panamanian specialty. Boiled yuca, stuffed with ground beef and deep fried. Effing delicious. It’s like a fried mashed potato bite with a juicy meatball inside. Proving once again that anything can be improved by deep-frying it.

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Far and away our favorite thing. We kept going back to this tiny little counter place to pick up more of these “tortillas.” They’re little deep-fried balls of cornmeal, kinda like hushpuppies but even greasier and more filling. I thought it was weird that they were called tortillas but I guess when you think about it that just means “little cake” so it works. By the end of the week we were totally regulars with the lady who sold these.

Mas fotos despues del jumpo…

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Just One More Bite

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There’s a tough balance during tasting menus. You know there’s a LOT of food coming your way and you want to be able to try everything. Not be too full by course three. So you try not to finish every plate. Leave a few bites. Make it to dessert, by way of a few cocktails and glasses of wine.

Well, not this dish. At a recent dinner for food writers and bloggers, 1905 showed off its new brunch menu plus a few additions to its dinner menu. The above: Pan roasted shrimp with espelette, served over creamy coconut crab rice. OH the rice. Creamy and soft and nothing like the dried out brown rice I make at home. Will absolutely try adding some coconut milk to my next rice dish. Or I’ll just have to make it back to 1905.

Photo: Dakota Fine/byt

Endless Questions: Sushi, Chopsticks and Pencils

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Cooking is very much an art. Spatula as a paint brush. Pasta as canvas. Tomato sauce as paint.

Malcolm Jones is both artist and eater. But he’s the best kind of artist: he features food in his work. I met Malcolm before the days of Endless Simmer, before every thought led to something edible. But I always knew I wanted his art in my life, even as I was half passed out on a couch, watching him draw while we tuned into reruns of E.R.

Now we meet with sushi as our center, Malcolm joining the party with pencils and Photoshop and me with chopsticks.

Malcolm recently released a series of sushi prints. Always hungry, ES wanted to investigate food through an artistic mind. And while I love Mal and his art, don’t even get me started on what he had to say about guacamole.

Gansie@ES: Food has a long history of being the subject for art. Food is colorful, textural, always in the process of deteriorating. Well, except for Twinkies. What turned you on to food as art?

MalJones: Both of my previous food illustration gigs were commissions: the vegetables to go with a Web site I built and the sushi was for an old friend’s birthday present. So it’s not like I went in to this saying “I’m going to draw food!” But people’s reactions, across the board, were positive. Something about food just clicked with people. And that reaction has clicked with me.

There’s something pure and fun about it. The colors of a good meal, the fact that people enjoy food no matter where they come from in the world, people coming together around some good food to enjoy each other’s company… it’s those impressions, those memories, that made the illustrations a blast.

Drawing the sushi from memory was nothing like a still life, or a classical interpretation of food as art. I try not to think really heavily about why I draw what I draw. Next thing you know I’ll be smoking unfiltered cigarettes and then debating the benefits of post-modernism-modernism in today’s society.

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Hott Links: Food and Genitalia

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Women getting the raw deal in sushi making. Shocking, I know. [Women’s Adventure Magazine]

Soul mates do exist, but only in recipe form. Find yours. [Cooking.com /Almond Board of California]

For the first time in history, humans can have as much sex and food as they wish. Discuss. [Hoover Institution, Stanford University]   …thanks to ES lurker, Rajeev

The Toby Young Insult Tracker – Week 5

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That’s the Toby that we know and love tolerate until Gail’s return.

Yep, the opinionated Briton was a bit more vocal this week, which made for some fun repartee around the judges’ table during the tasting and provided me with some fodder for an actual column this week.  Mr. Young, you have my thanks.

But before we get on to the insult tallies, I want to take a minute to discuss the top prize this week.

I’m convinced that Stefan took home the best weekly prize…definitely the best of the season and likely the best in the entire run of Top Chef.

It’s hard to overstate the esteem in which Eric Ripert is held within the culinary community.  The chance to follow him around and learn from him in his kitchen would be like an aspiring rocker in the ’60s getting to sit in Abbey Road Studio for a week or so.

I’m sure all of the chef’testants have their eyes on the big prize, but getting into the Ripper’s good graces could end up being worth more in the long run than capturing the top spot for the season.

Anyway, let’s get down to business.

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Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

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Ya’ll were saucy this week, simmerites!

– TVFF really brought out the scallop-haters out there in webland.  Michael: I have to agree, but most especially with #5. Good sea scallops are good, but they have to be done just right, which happens about .00001% of the time. Also, I heard once that scallop meat is often faked, using skate or monkfish meat. Anybody know if thats true? Lemmonex: Here here! I will eat them but they are most certainly not a favorite. They are often just slimy.  Yvo: Why not just go with “They don’t taste good” or “They’re flavorless, which is why people say they’re the perfect “canvas upon which to paint your masterpiece”? :P Also – another great canvas to paint a masterpiece – fresh snow. I’m just sayin’.

–  Sushi is not happy about Britannia’s sneaky chocolate avocado pie: What’s the point of putting avocado in anything if you can’t taste it? That’s like having sex after getting an epidural.

– Reacting to the amazigness that is the hamburger bed, horrible-but-had-to-be-said pun of the week goes to Oxen Cox: Mmm… it makes me want to slide in between those buns. It looks quite comfy to be serious.

– And the Pittsburgh vs. Arizona Super Bowl Food-Off is bringing out quite the strong emotions. NASTY: Dude, seriously… have you ever TASTED that chili beer? That stuff was poured straight from the anus of the devil. Miles counters for the Cards: Cave Creek Chili Beer is a great way to find yourself drunk. It goes like this: (HOT Arizona day) 1) Mmmm, delicious cold beer! I’ll Have a swig of that! 2) Ahhhh! Cold and tasty! 3) WTF?!?! Why is my mouth on fire??? 4) Put something COLD in there! 5) Go to step 2. Repeat until drunk (20 minutes or so). GO CARDINALS!!!!

By the way, with more than 1,200 votes in, Pittsburgh is laying some serious whup-ass on ‘zona, leading with 72% of the vote. Jerry Sizzler, in what may be the comment of the year, explains why:

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