July 2009


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Top Chef Masters: Episode 5

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Left to Right: Michael Chiarello, Nils Noren, Lachlan Patterson, Rick Moonen

Dear Top Chef Masters Contestants,

First of all, congratulations on your recognition. After years of toiling in ungodly circumstances, shedding blood and tears, and doing so before there was any prospect of becoming a celebrity chef, you’re finally getting some well deserved attention in the national spotlight. What’s more, you’re donating your time to helping out a charity that you care about and I’m sure those organizations sing your praises for your hard work. If I may make one humble suggestion though. And this is a minor thing I’ve come to notice with the TCM cast, could you guys please.. for the love of God.. PLATE YOUR MOTHER F$%#ING FOOD before time runs out?! Is it that hard?! Do you see that clock with the numbers on it? When there is only the number 00:15 shortly followed by the the number 00:14 then followed by 00:13.. you see where I’m going with this? Just take what you have and put it on the damn plate.

Is it because you hate your charity or charities in general? I mean don’t get me wrong, I hate babies with cancer as much as the next guy, but I always own up to it. Sometimes it’s the first thing I tell people about myself when being introduced. You’d be surprised, there’s dozens of us out there. Dozens! Go ahead, say it chef.. you can do it. Say, “I hate cancer babies.” How much do you hate cancer babies chef? Say, “Almost as much as I hate Kelly Choi and her dead goat fetish.” Wow chef, that’s a lot of hate. Doesn’t that feel good to get that off your chest? I know I feel better. Glad we had this little talk. Let’s discuss this week’s TCM episode shall we?

More cancer baby hate after the jump..

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in TV 3 comments
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To Bake or Drink, or Both

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Editor’s Note: Continuing with her summer project, here’s LC’s latest discovery while digging through her family’s recipes.

In going through these family recipes, we have found several that have made us dig deep into our collective subconscious for their origin.  The Harvey Wallbanger cake, however, is clearly attributed to a family friend.  Now, I am all for mixing booze with baking. One of the ES recipes that has made it into my family’s regular rotation are the mint julep cupcakes from C. Christy Concrete. We’re not big on sweets, but we are big on booze so the combination is magically delicious for us (even though yes, I know, the alcohol itself bakes off).  I was confused, as usual, by this recipe and how the booze was going to fit in.

The MVI* in a Harvey Wallbanger drink and cake is Galliano. Galliano is an amaretto-like liqueur. It’s pretty good but unless you find you have an affinity for Harvey Wallbangers, which I do not, you are going to have some Galliano hanging around your wet bar for a while. The bottle is quite pretty though and lets people know you’re serious about your cocktails, if that’s the message you want to send.

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in Desserts / Drinks / Recipe 4 comments
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Easy Drinkin’

 

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Ah, summer. Pool parties, farmers markets, and…tailgates.

At my family’s tailgates, we’re normally more concerned with the quantity than quality of our food, since tailgating is all about surviving a day of drinking. This is a little lot strange to me, considering Philadelphia is supposed to have a lot of really good tailgate food. We do bring enough grub to feed the entire parking lot (30 hot dogs, 30 hamburgers, and four hoagies for 8 people?), but the star of the show is undoubtedly our bar menu.

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in Drinks 16 comments
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Eggs Over Zucchini

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Wait, did I just watch a Phillies game last night: Shane, Chase, Raul, Ryan, Jayson. Oh wait, never mind, it was the All-Star Game, my bad.

Anyway, I’ve had some strike outs recently. And I’ve been lying. 80 admitted it first, but I brushed it off, noting his fear of leafy greens. But I kept trucking along, thinking I could fake my appreciation of the bitterness.

But alone, I faced the truth. I’ve struck out on kale.

I love the look of dinosaur kale, so when I was in a rush at the market this past Saturday I grabbed a crispy bundle of kale, zucchini and yogurt, among a few other treats (peaches are here!)

While 80 went to a bocce captains’ meeting, I fled to the kitchen, knowing I only had to create for my own tastes, which basically meant experimenting with vegetables. When I was brainstorming for my Foodie Fight, I wanted to create long strips of zucchini, but reasoned it wouldn’t work in a spring roll. But I still wanted to try that technique.

I peeled the zucchini length wise, laid the strips down on a cookie sheet, sprinkled with salt and pepper, and threw it under the broiler for only a couple minutes until it softened. The zuke turned slightly sweet and I could get away with cooking it without any fat (of course the dish’s fat would come in other forms.)

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in Eggs / Featured / Recipe / Veggie 12 comments
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What the Food?

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ES reader Tommy writes in with a request:

I found the following “Scoop” in an old farmhouse kitchen. Obviously some kind of kitchen gadget, I can’t find anyone who knows what it is. One person suggested it is a soft boiled egg scoop. Can you or your bloggers help identify it?

Does the fact that I have no idea what it does, but feel an urgent need to own one mean that I have a problem? So, what say you, ES experts? How should Tommy use this ancient gadget?

in Uncategorized 9 comments
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Blogger Boggle: FMK

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Editors’ Note: You know, it’s hard thinking of snarky commentary every day, so we’ve opened up the labor pool to our fellow food bloggers.

This week we’ve asked our Food Network watching buddies to play a friendly game of Fuck, Marry, Kill. For those of you unfamiliar, you are given three things and must decide which one to fuck, marry and kill.

It’s summer, okay, give us a break. We’ll return to serious food matters soon enough.

Sandra – Fuck. I can picture the tablescape now.

Bobby – Marry.  I almost married a guy friend in college so we could do the Peace Corp together.  I’m not above it.  If I married Bobby, I would cheat on him with all of his ex-wives, in order.  Then I would sell the rights to the Made-for-TV Movie

Neelys – Kill. Actually, I don’t even have to.  The way they eat, I can just sit back and watch nature do its magic.  They butcher meals in a way that I’ve never seen before.

—Nick, Macheesmo

Of course you’re going to fuck the Neelys. It’d be an interesting night of saucy ribs and a sexy spice fairy… and I’m sure Gina would get involved, too.

I’d marry Bobby, since he has a high net worth and he’s already been married 4 times so we’d probably get divorced. And I wouldn’t sign a prenup.

I guess that leaves Aunt Sandy to get killed, but I’m sure she’d come back as a beautiful color-coordinated napkin ring made out of bottle caps stitched together with craft wire.

—Jacob Strauss, Food Network Addict

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in Celebs / TV 7 comments
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Top Chef Vegas: First Look at the Fauxhawks

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Top Chef returns to Bravo August 26, when he sixth season takes up residence in Las Vegas, chosen for Padma’s excitement about showgirl costumes the rapidly developing local restaurant scene. Inexplicably, Toby Young will return for a second go as everyone’s least favorite judge, while the guest judges will range from the standards (Daniel Boulud) to the Vegas-y (Penn and Teller), the exciting (Nigella) and the even more exciting (Natalie Portman).

But more importantly, which chef-testant is most likely to skyrocket to instant culinary superstardom Spike Mendelsohn-level ubiquity? Here’s our snap judgment of this season’s chef-tenders, ranked by — what else — the audacity of their fauxhawks:

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in TV 11 comments
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