Endless Menus: A Meat Lover’s Thanksgiving

T-minus 10 days, people! Turkey day is almost upon us, and if we know our readers at all, you’re still nursing Halloween hangovers/post-Election giddiness and haven’t even begun to plan for the big feast.

So lucky for you, ES hasĀ  come up with four delicious menus to guide you along. Now let’s be honest, there are enough effing sites on the Internet telling you how to brine a turkey and mash potatoes. And you probably know how to do all that shit anyway. But what about people who don’t want to do the same damn thing every year, who get sick of the same old sides, and don’t think adding rosemary to the stuffing counts as “mixing it up.” This one’s for you folks. Introducing Endless Menus.

One thing that’s always bothered me about Thanksgiving is that it doesn’t have nearly enough meat in it. For a celebration that claims to be the most American of holidays, it sure doesn’t include much of our favorite food group, does it? I mean, a giant bird and some vegetables? What country are you people living in? That’s not the America I know and love. For a truly pilgrim-loving Thanksgiving, toss the yams this year and cook up A Meat Lover’s Thanksgiving:

The Bird: Turkey Galantine

turkey-galantine.jpg

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think you’re pretty badass for your annual turducken fry, dontcha? Big deal. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to stuff a duck in a chicken in a turkey. Why don’t you try stuffing ham, pork, veal, tongue, truffles, nuts, and three eggs up that hole? Then you can talk. None other than James A. Beard himself brings us this retro recipe, which calls for stuffing so many effing things in that bird that you actually have to take out all the bones, and much of the turkey meat. He even pulls the turkey breasts out, marinates them in cognac, and then stuffs those fuckers back in. Now that’s a badass bird. (Photo: MizD)

The Inside: Spam Stuffing

spamstuffing.jpg

Sausage stuffing? No, no, no, people Don’t you read the paper? Spam is in this year! And there’s no better way to spice up your stuffing than with the South Pacific treat. Gingerjoy says: “Your guests will be surprised that the tasty flavor actually comes from this ‘mystery meat.’ Yeeeeeeeaaah. We can’t say for sure if that is good surprised or bad surprised, but we think we have an idea. Apologies to ninjapoodles for using your stock stuffing photo, but there is no known documentation of actual Spam Stuffing.

The Spuds: Bacon Mashed Potatoes

bacon-mashed-potatoes.jpg

We’ve said it once, we’ll say it again, and we won’t stop saying it until we keel over face down in a pool of our own grease: There is nothing bacon can’t improve. And while mashed potatoes were pretty goshdarn good to begin with, the golden rule holds true here. It turns out quite a few folks have thought of this, but we’re particularly partial to Bon Appetit’s Bacon and Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes, because hey, you’re putting bacon in it, why not go for buttermilk too? A little lard couldn’t hurt anyone either. (Photo: Incase Design)

More meat-y menu ideas after the J.

Read More

The Root of All Deliciousness

root-salad-704-x-528-528-x-396.jpg

My sister Patti made this julienne root vegetable salad so that we could have something a little different on the table for turkey day – recipe courtesy of her real, live professional chef friend Sandy.

Alright, I’m gonna tell you the ingredients, but before I do, you have to promise you’ll believe me that it’s delicious. It contains:

turnips

parsnips

radishes

and beets.

Oh yeah, and it’s not cooked at all.

I know, it doesn’t sound like an ample replacement for sweet potatoes with marshmallows, but trust me, it is a really tasty and refreshing side. Perfect for cleansing bites between turkey and stuffing. I really can’t even explain how refreshing it tastes. Plus look at it, it’s beautiful.

Recipe after the jump.

Read More

Why Do You Build Me Up, Butternut?

squash-436-x-384-327-x-288.jpg

This is a dish I made for Thanksgiving. Seeing as how Thanksgiving is over, let’s just call it a fall dish.

– Get one acorn and one butternut squash – peel and dice both of them.

– Toss them in a glass pyrex dish with salt, pepper, garlic and rosemary. Add plenty of olive oil.

– Pop it in the oven at 350 for 1/2 an hour.

– Dice three portobello mushrooms and add these to the mix, with some more olive oil. (I didn’t add the ‘shrooms in the beginning since they don’t cook as quickly)

-Return this to the oven for another 1/2 hour or so. If the squash isn’t soft yet, keep it cooking.

-Meanwhile, spread a cup or so of chopped walnuts on a baking sheet and sprinkle with salt and nutmeg. Then toast these in the oven for about 10 minutes.

– Toss the walnuts with the squash, and add half a cup or so of crumbled feta.

Pretty straightforward and delicious. This guy liked it, anyway.

owen-248-x-343.jpg

Just kidding. He chose the gerber squash. What a food snob.