Friday Fuck Ups - - Page 3

by bakersroyale

Friday Fuck Up: Angry Pie

Um, what else can I say but mini mixed berry pies gone bad. Real bad. Let’s talk seething, seeping mess. Now that’s your ugly.

The good? Well, this seems to be the perfect artsy photo to visually describe some of us after a long work week: over baked and completely unrecognizable.

So, what happened aside from late night baking gone bad? I over filled the wells and not having a bottom crust to seal the top is not a good idea. All that delish berry filling came seeping and overflowing up the sides like an angry pie.

in Desserts 2 comments

by Fuchs Foodie

Friday Fuck Up: How Bobby Flay Ruined Thanksgiving

For Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims mixed European and Native traditions. Captain Smith, Squanto – how about a little love for the Asians? This year, my parents’ multinational crew of grad students promised to represent. On the menu for our T-giving feast was Szechuan beef, Korean pancakes and short rib stew.

“You should cook something, too,” my mom said.

Determined to transcend my lowly status as gastronomic afterthought, I plotted to steal the show. I would take Thanksgiving tradition to new heights by weaving in the culinary tricks I picked up during my recent hero’s voyage to Spain.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH turkey paella???” My Spanish friend Isabel, emailing me from Girona, needed 11 “HA”s and three question marks to communicate just how freakish it was to throw gobbler into my paella.

When I was in Barcelona and Madrid, though, I had paellas with all kinds of stuff – snails, rabbit, you name it. I was further reassured after learning that Bobby Flay had the same idea; his recipe for turkey paella is all over the Web. Turkey wasn’t the only unusual detail – the recipe also called for a “lemon-smoked paprika aioli” with mayo, lemon juice, and lemon peel.

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in Fowl / Holiday 3 comments

by forkitude

Friday Fuck Up: Terrine Tragedy

I was skeptical. But I thought, yeah, this would be cool. Mini terrines. First layer, lobster. Second layer, crab. Third layer, poached salmon. Fourth layer, roasted red peppers…why? Why the hell not? The gelatin to hold it all together was made with the salmon poaching liquid of vegetable stock and white wine. I made sure the thing was properly seasoned and threw in some herbs. I was thinking #1, would this hold together? And #2 would this actually taste good?

#1: Yes, it did hold together. It held together quite nicely. It held together like a can of cat food that slides right out exposing the layer of nasty gelatin on top of the stinky meat mold. I couldn’t get that wet cat food sucking noise out of my head while standing there staring at my terrine fuck up. Meow.

#2: No. Oh, no, no. It did not taste good. Chef was lucky enough to have the first taste. And when I picked up my fork to try a bit, he encouraged me to take a smaller bite. Oh boy, that’s when you know you’ve fucked up. I’m not really sure what went wrong. It was like seafood with seafood flavored jelly. Perhaps I should have brought it home to the cat. I’m sure she would have torn the hell out of this gelatinous seafood carnage. So, I accidentally made cat food. No big deal.

“How did the terrine turn out?” asked a coworker. “Um, it just…it just isn’t good. And it accidentally fell in the trash.” Oops. But the terrine has not heard the last from me. In other words, please help ESers! How do I redeem myself?!

in Fish 1 comments

by gansie

Friday Fuck Up: The Carbonara Scramble

My boyfriend couldn’t have been happier. I brought pig into the house. Thinly sliced, smoked pig. Bacon. Bacon. Bacon.

The oven was home to our first usage—bacon baked quickly and at a high temperature for an evenly cooked crisp. We bit at the bacon in between bites of eggs and toast. A simple introduction.

We thought we’d keep it easy. Let bacon flavor an angel hair carbonara.

I looked up a few recipes on Epicurious and understood, well, thought I understood, the gist of a carbonara.

Cook bacon. Remove bacon. Cook onion in its grease. Boil Pasta. Combine parm and egg in separate bowl. Combine hot pasta, onion, bacon and parm-egg mixture. Toss. Creamy deliciousness.

Of course, it wasn’t that simple. My carbonara got fucked.

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in Bacon / Cheese / Eggs 16 comments

by Borracho

Friday Fuck Up: Taking the Red Eye

They look so delicious, right? But every chili pepper has a dark side. So far I have only written a few blogs for ES so I am filled with pride and a little shame that I can already add this post to the long legacy of Friday Fuck Ups.

After my initial post for ES, I have been enthused with trying out some new ideas and so I thought I would make a few dishes this weekend (which will be posted in the near future): poblano and chorizo risotto, tilapia tacos, homemade tortillas and a few salsas you’ve already heard about. I picked up all my ingredients including jalapeno, poblano and chipotle peppers. I only needed a dozen jalapenos so I roasted them on the grill and decided that I should be fine just using my bare hands to scrape out the seeds….

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in Personal 9 comments

by forkitude

Deviled Eggs are the Devil

So, I will say deviled eggs are one thing I did not expect to be making at the restaurant. I haven’t had a deviled egg since 1990. Perhaps I was wearing shoulder pads when I ate it.

Deviled eggs just appeared on our new menu acting as a focal point for our wedge salad that I must say looks quite sexy for a wedge salad. A bold move that has gone over quite well so far.

How difficult could a hard boiled egg be? Fifteen soft boiled eggs later, I decided that hard boiled eggs are not my friend. And as it turns out, yelling and cursing at the eggs does nothing to aide in the cooking process. In my efforts to make the perfect hard boiled egg, and for fear of overcooking them, I wasted a carton and a half of eggs and felt like a culinary disaster who should not have changed careers.

Perhaps I should have consulted How To Hard Boil an Egg for specific instructions. I should have laid the eggs on their sides the night before to “center” the yolks for the perfect deviled egg. And maybe I should have read them a bedtime story so they would have had a good night’s sleep before the big day. I bet they love Good Night Moon.

What seems like the most simple of culinary tasks can make prep feel like a disaster. Screwing up deviled eggs can also make you feel like everyone in the kitchen is staring at you. But have no fear, I will conquer the deviled egg. I was taught never to put all my money in one basket. Now I know not to put all my uncentered eggs in one pot of boiling water either.

So, spill it ES-ers — what kind of hard-boiling secrets do you all have?

in Eggs 9 comments

by gansie

Friday Fuck Up: A Whole Lot of Fucking Up

A little bit ago I led 80P into a terrible failure of a dinner. I felt awful. It wasn’t until he sucked down almost all of the ill-tasting noodles that I realized we could at least turn this barely edible dinner into a blog post. I actually coached 80 along, offering advice on a few of the steps. In this gChat interview, however, I straddle the line between innocent interviewer and guilty girlfriend.

gansie: so, 80, tell me about that time you fucked up pasta sauce

80P: I was hoping to make an edible cream sauce for pasta

gansie: mmm…cream sauce

80P: but apparently I didn’t use enough fat

gansie: what’d you start with

80P: Well, I started with whole milk, which I thought would thicken if I simmered it for a while

gansie: whole milk – why the hell did you have whole milk in the fridge. gross.

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in Cheese 7 comments