Only in America -

by BS

Krafty Bastards

Our new foodie friend over at So Good has been making it his full-time job to ridicule corporate America’s latest attempt to get hip with the kids. It all started with this New York Times article profiling Kraft Foods’ new youthful marketing strategy.

The idea is centered around a Kraft Singles MySpace page where young ‘uns have the chance to upload videos documenting their passion for American cheese, with the chance to win $50,000 and have their homemade spot turned into a TV commercial.

After checking it out, So Good made fun of the fact that Kraft had yet to make a single MySpace friend, not even Ryan Gosling.

That’s when Kraft went all Troll Foods on So Good, dispensing their VP of Marketing for Cheese and Dairy (actual title) to comment on his blog, telling him to “check his facts,” because Kraft was totally gonna make all kinds of friends, loser.

Check your facts. MySpace won’t allow you to become a friend until the contest starts tomorrow. Kraft Singles will have a bunch of friends. Everybody likes grilled cheese. Especially if you make it with Kraft Singles.

Can You Spot the Clone?

Despite all the concerns about making sure everything we eat is organic and local and free-range, WIRED reports the latest trend in meatpacking is most decidedly not any of those things: cloned meat.

Remember that whole bruhaha about Dolly the cloned sheep and all those other animals crazy scientists from Scotland to Korea started cloning? Well it turns out they weren’t just doing that as a basis to create a Nazi scientist-esque world of human cloning where everyone looks like Brangelina. Apparently, there’s already a lot of money in cloning animals just for the sake of meat production.

Harry, Did You Stay up all Night Eating Butter?

As someone who went to ~~binge-drinking summer camp~~ college in Wisconsin, I have a genuine soft spot for the Midwest. No other region of the country has so fully mastered the ridiculousness, perhaps even offensiveness that is American eating.

But Iowa, you have really outdone yourself this time. Allow me to present the real reason Rudy Giuliani skipped the Ames straw poll. No, he wasn’t scared of Mitt’s millions. There was a much more obscene sight there: Harry Potter carved out of butter.

Oh, Iowa State Fair. I thought you had hit your glutoness peak when you invented the deep-fried twinkie. You weren’t even close.

The only problem is, what are you gonna spread all that butter on? If only we had a giant loaf of bread, or a chocolate ice cream cake, or some medium-rare steak to spread that fatty goodness on. The solution after the jump.

Hott Links: I Hope He Has That Jaw Insured

Hott Links is ES’ semi-regular roundup of the tastiest content on the web (aside from ours of course)

Japan’s all-star speed eater suffers professional injury [Yahoo!]

Ratatouille: the most delicious animated film ever [Salon]

It’s summer – can I still serve cheese? [cheesaholics]

in Cheese / Veggie 1 comments