I Are Sophisticated

So-phis-ti-ca-tion. [suh-fis-ti-key-shuhn]. The art of becoming less naïve and more refined. The quality of refinement—displaying good taste, wisdom and subtlety rather than crudeness, stupidity and vulgarity. To become more worldly through cultivation or experience. To….

Ah, who am I kidding? I got nunna dat. I’m about as sophisticated as a Pop Tart. And just as square. Like a lot of you I sometimes pretend, but eventually I get found out. Like the time that I ordered the Trout Almandine special, and once the waiter placed it in front of me I asked him where they hide the tartar sauce. Sophistication always looks good, but sometimes it’s a lot of hard work. Take Beef Wellington. I’ve made this dish twice. It’s a half-day event. And each time that I served it to my sophisticated friends, they went bat-shit crazy. Couldn’t get enough, they said. I on the other hand, couldn’t wait to go out and get a Quarter Pounder with cheese.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the finer things, it’s just that sometimes all of the extra hard work and cost just doesn’t seem worth it. I wanna be sophisticated, I just don’t wanna work too hard at it. Anyway, I recently had the need to provide a high-end breakfast for a special ‘friend’ that unexpectedly spent the night. A couple of eggs over easy and some Jimmie Deans just wasn’t gonna cut it. I needed sophisticated but do-able. And I just happened to have the perfect recipe. I call it, “The Morning After” breakfast. It also works for Mother’s Day and special occasions. Throw back a couple of Mimosas while you scarf it down and you’ve got the perfect start to your day. And if there’s an MMA bout on cable, it’s like Christmas morning!

The beauty of this dish is that it doesn’t require any special knife stills. If you can hack up some vegetables and walk away with all of your fingers still attached, you can make this dish. The hardest part is getting the eggs into a bowl without breaking the yolk.

Morning After Eggs

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Endless Road Trip Seattle: Clucking Great Fried Chicken

Most people think of salmon as Seattle’s prime protein, and while it’s true that seafood is a Northwest mainstay, this city can cook up some fried meat just as well as any southern hotspot. Thanks to Oprah, Seattle has been lauded for Ezell’s chicken, but I have a different go-to for fried bird: Skillet Diner in Capitol Hill. Famous for their cult hit bacon jam, Skillet started out as a small food trailer that became so popular they were able to afford a brick-and-mortar place in Capitol Hill; prime real estate.

Skillet’s burger and grilled cheese are amazing, but to me, nothing beats their fowl. I’m most fond of the fried chicken sandwich on fresh potato bread with pickled and charred jalapeño aioli and kale. It’s served with another Skillet signature, their ridiculous poutine, a giant pile of fries smothered in a gratuitous amount of herbed cheddar sauce:

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The New Granola Bar: Golden Raisin Oatmeal Squares

I have nothing against prepackaged granola bars. In fact, I rather like them. But they’re usually kinda dry…and have strange things in them…plus they’re really small and always leave me ripping into another shiny wrapper to get a second one. Most of them are more candy bar than granola bar. Again, not necessarily a bad thing, but maybe not the best choice for a healthy snack. Remember Kudos?! I managed to convince myself that chocolate-covered granola bars studded with candy and caramel was a healthy snack. It’s got GRANOLA, right?

So when the lovely people over at SunMaid sent me some of their golden raisins, I decided to try my hand at a healthy granola bar. I wanted something kind of cakey and dense, chewy, sweet, and soft. They had to be soft. So I came up with these oatmeal squares, and I think they’re pretty darn good. Each bar has 160 calories and 3 grams of protein, so these are a great snack for a lunchbox or even as a quick breakfast.

Golden Raisin Oatmeal Squares

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Put It In a Jar: Peach Jam

Editor’s Note: Please welcome new contributor Jessica Alter, who joins ES as our resident canner/jammer/pickler/all-around put-it-in-a-jar-er.

Welcome to “Put it in Jar,” your go-to guide for must-make jams, plump pickles and anything else that can be stored in or served in…well, a jar. READERS BEWARE: I am not an expert in the field of canning or preserving. For the most part, I’m going down this rabbit hole because A) I enjoy topping my carbohydrates with sweet goodness in the form of gooey fruit and B) I love jars.

This past weekend I decided to start off by making a simple batch of peach jam. When looking for the perfect recipe, I wanted to make something so easy that I couldn’t possibly screw it up. (I’m encouraged by positive reinforcement. Failure makes me give up.) This recipe from Food & Wine was just the ticket. Peaches. Sugar. Lemon Juice. ‘Nuff said.

Begin by peeling and pitting the peaches into 1/2 inch wedges. So far, so good…

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The Endless Road Trip: Now That’s a Biscuit

We’ve mentioned The Reggie on Endless Simmer before, but no discussion of Portland food would be complete without a look at the ultimate breakfast sandwich: a giant buttermilk fried chicken breast layered with bacon, melted cheddar cheese and a runny fried egg, the whole thing placed between two fluffy biscuits and slathered in hearty white gravy. It’s just effing perfection.

More of Pine State Biscuits‘ menu after the jump.

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The Endless Road Trip: Blue for Breakfast

Portland is no stranger to meaty, overstuffed sandwiches (see Big Ass), but what do these crazy folks eat for breakfast?

Thankfully, the same thing. From the Brunch Box Food Cart, the Black and Bleu breakfast sandwich: two thick slices of Texas Toast stuffed with sausage, bacon, grilled onions and Cajun spices. Oh, and obviously they had to do something outrageously foodie here, so there’s a thick layer of bleu cheese spread across the bottom slice of toast. Love it. Who says you can’t get funky at breakfast?

Also on The Endless Road Trip: Portland
1. Porklandia
2. All That’s Euro is Not Trash
3. Salt and Straw

The Endless Road Trip: Porklandia

Portland, Oregon may seem like the type of hippie-dippie place that knows its silken tofus from its seitan (and it is). But as I recently discovered, these hipsters also know their swine, from head to tail. Oregon is a serious pork-producing state, and Portland chefs get crazy/creative with pig parts of every variety. I ate my way through Porklandia so that you don’t have to.

At Tasty n Sons, nearly every dish, from salads to kimchi to chicken, comes with an egg on top (as god intended). It climaxes with this perfectly golden-brown, intensely crispy fried pork cutlet, served over spinach, with a soft fried egg for a crown.

The Woodsman Tavern is the first place I have ever been served a ham plate and then told the proper order in which to eat the hams, as if this was a fancy wine tasting—from most delicate to heartiest. Each one was prosciutto-thin, but with the full salty taste of a good ol’ Virginia-style baked ham.

Don’t forget the ears! At Whiskey Soda Lounge, a casual spot from acclaimed Pok Pok chef Andy Ricker, they’re stewed in 5-spice and deep-fried until crisp, served with a black vinegar dipping sauce. They’re crusty on the edges and chewy in the middle, with the texture of…well, ear.

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