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by ML

Holiday Redux: J-E-L-L-EWWWW

Congratulations, we all survived Thanksgiving.

More surprising are the strange traditions that continue to survive year after year. I recounted some of my family’s non-food traditions over at my blog, but I (of course) saved the best for ES. Admitting this tradition is strange and embarrassing. But here it goes.

My family never let go of the Jello mold fad.

Jello molds haven’t been popular for decades; some adults I know have never even tried one (or seen one). I didn’t realize quite how obscure they are until I mentioned it to some friends last week and I almost had one of them vomiting. The worst part of this strange tradition is that my family has not one Jello mold recipe…but let’s say…several.

Different molds surface every year, most of them savory, to be eaten with dinner, not after. The most valued is the green jello with cucumber and onions, and there was a lot of yelling and screaming when I accidentally placed it on a side table and nobody could find it (I can’t believe I just owned up to the misplacement of the beloved Jello). I’m sorry everyone.

If you’re still reading, what strange foods have an eternal place at your family’s table?

Pic: Blurry lime-cucumber-onion jello, courtesy of a drunk ML

in Holiday 2 comments

by ML

What the FroYo?

Newsflash from ES: America is still eating shit.

I jumped on the froyo bandwagon several years too late. I don’t know why it was a bandwagon to begin with. The trend is just now hitting Philadelphia, I’d think mostly because everyone likes water (wuder) ice better, and we actually like things that taste good. If you type “frozen yogurt, Philadelphia” into Google, the first thing that comes up is “Philly Steak & Gyro.”

Enough said.

My first try was last year in Chicago at Yogenfruz, a lesser known Canadian chain. I was immediately in love. They only have chocolate and vanilla, in low-fat and non-fat varieties. I always go for the vanilla, low-fat (The BF always has non-fat, both are delicious). The bonus at Yogenfruz is that you can have your froyo blended with frozen fruit. Real fruit flavoring? Nom nom. The texture is perfect — ridiculously thick and creamy, and it doesn’t melt quickly.

Tasti-D-lite was my second try, this time because a friend in South Florida loves it. To be honest, it tasted kind of like…Dairy Queen? Fake ice cream? It was creamy, tasted milky, but melted very quickly. I kept hoping to taste flavors that just weren’t there. I ate it feeling empty and unsatisfied. Boo, not-so-Tasti-D-Lite.

Another review, after the jump.

by ML

Motel Room Gourmet: Desperation in a Coffee Pot

As you know well by now, we hardly stick to just the gourmet food items here at Endless Simmer. Sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you just don’t have much to work with.

And this my friends, is what a hungry ML feeds her boyfriend while road tripping. After 13 hours of driving, we found ourselves in a seedy motel in a sketch Missouri town with no food. Well, besides a can of Quaker oats and some tuna noodle casserole that had been sitting in the car all day….

Josh wanted to eat the tuna noodle casserole that was…well, lets just say not good anymore. I didn’t want to risk the other driver having food poisoning, so I pulled out a classic motel room trick and made some coffee pot oatmeal.

Yeah yeah, I know Alton Brown did this on his show, but I’ve been doing cool weird shit like this since I was a freshman in college (who hasn’t?) However, instead of actually making the oatmeal IN the coffee pot (we wanted coffee in the morning, and I wasn’t cleaning that damn pot), we poured hot water and oatmeal into tupperware containers and just let it cook right there. We had stolen bananas from the previous night’s hotel, which made a perfect accompaniment to our…gruel. Cooking? Hardly. But it fit the bill.

I know I’m not the only one. What have you prepared and eaten out of desperation?

in Breakfast 3 comments

by ML

Throw Me a Hot Dog, Ostrich Man

Several weeks ago I announced that the Reading Phillies minor league baseball team was holding Gluttony Night II. I was ecstatic. Tons of food. Pizza, ice cream, funnel cake galore. And if you’re at all familiar with minor league baseball, you won’t be surprised to hear that the Gluttony Night festivities were only a fraction of the very bizarre antics going down at the game.

First of all, I unfortunately missed the chance to drunk heckle a reality star and his children. Jon Gosselin plus eight minus Kate threw out the first pitch the night before Gluttony Night II. I should have sent a memo about all-you-can-eat french fries. But the Gosselins missed out, because Gluttony Night was an epic celebration of all things edible. Everything at this ballpark was about food. Everything.

Were there two private tent buffets in addition to Gluttony Night II? Yes.
Was there a “ROAST BEEF!” chant every time Kevin Mahar was up to bat because he was the Arby’s “RBI guy”? Yes
Was there a kid’s concession stand game, where small children representing pizza, a hot dog, and french fries raced around the field? Yes (and so wrong)
Was there a man riding an ostrich around the field, throwing hot dogs to the crowd, while a “hot dog for you!” song was playing? Yes, yes, yes.

The Crazy Hot Dog Vendor disturbed me the most, and after his little “performance” I promptly started pounding beers. At the bar we saw several young guys dressed up like pizza toppings. W. T. F.

All this craziness leads us to ask…We’ve already talked about the best major league baseball foods, but what about the minors? What are the tastiest, craziest, or straight up most disturbing foods you’ve seen served at minor league ballparks?

in Celebs 1 comments

by ML

Death to the Hoagie Man

Maybe I’m watching more television these days (well, what else are you supposed to do after college anyway?) but commercials over the last year or two have gotten increasingly annoying. I know nobody can forget the Lenten McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish jingle (GIVE ME BACK THAT FILLET-O-FISH, GIVE ME THAT FISH…sorry), or the YouTube fan rap turned commercial advertising McNuggets (who ISN’T into McNuggets, y’all?). And you can’t tell me you haven’t been to Subway for a Five Doollllaaaa Footlong .

But this time, WaWa has crossed the line…

in Restaurants / Sandwich / TV 7 comments

by ML

The Best Birthday Present a Girl Could Ask For

Amidst the farm/Amish/cow shit stereotypes, I’ve come to realize that Pennsylvania really does love food. Bon Appetit recently featured Philadelphia as being a “scrumptious” city. I’m not sure what happened to the “fat” label, I’m thinking maybe they meant Philadelphians are scrumptious rather than the food itself. But now really isn’t the time for technicalities.

Now that we’ve moved from “fat” to “scrumptious,” imagine my shock, surprise, and delight when I stumbled upon the news of the Reading Phillies’ Gluttony Night. The first Gluttony Night was May 19th, 2009, when the Reading Phillies served more food in one night than at any game in the team’s history.

On this night, 2,576 fans participating in the feast set a stadium record by consuming:

in Personal 6 comments

by ML

What Would You Do for a Klondike Bar? (On an Airplane)

Ever since some asshole tried to blow up a plane with liquid explosives, the TSA has really limited the items that innocent, hungry travelers are allowed to take into the airport and thus, onto the plane. Most infrequent travelers don’t realize that these restrictions are mostly on liquids, and that you can take meals from home with you, even if it is a pain in the ass. Eating airport food is easier and acceptable if you travel from an airport with decent food choices, but if you’re doing this twice a month, it gets tiring. As a result of this bullshit necessary policy and the subpar quality of most airport food, I’ve come up with some creative ways to package my food for travel, and some ways which I’ve figured out will get you strip searched immediately.

DO:

-Wrap all food in cling wrap and put it in throw away plastic containers. It’s easiest if the security folks can tell what it is right away.

-Package in small portions for the easiest consumption (I break up my travel-safe banana bread into 6 smaller pieces).

-Leave the condiments on the side, if you can. Nobody likes a soggy sandwich (who knows how long you’ll wait at security?), Mayo or ketchup packets do fit into your pockets, or the 1-quart size bag you are allotted for liquids, and won’t set off a metal detector.

DON’T:

in Drinks / Food Travel 5 comments

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