What Would You Do for a Klondike Bar? (On an Airplane)
Ever since some asshole tried to blow up a plane with liquid explosives, the TSA has really limited the items that innocent, hungry travelers are allowed to take into the airport and thus, onto the plane. Most infrequent travelers don’t realize that these restrictions are mostly on liquids, and that you can take meals from home with you, even if it is a pain in the ass. Eating airport food is easier and acceptable if you travel from an airport with decent food choices, but if you’re doing this twice a month, it gets tiring. As a result of this bullshit necessary policy and the subpar quality of most airport food, I’ve come up with some creative ways to package my food for travel, and some ways which I’ve figured out will get you strip searched immediately.
-Wrap all food in cling wrap and put it in throw away plastic containers. It’s easiest if the security folks can tell what it is right away.
-Package in small portions for the easiest consumption (I break up my travel-safe banana bread into 6 smaller pieces).
-Leave the condiments on the side, if you can. Nobody likes a soggy sandwich (who knows how long you’ll wait at security?), Mayo or ketchup packets do fit into your pockets, or the 1-quart size bag you are allotted for liquids, and won’t set off a metal detector.
-Sit down while you have a ketchup packet in your pocket. D’oh!
-Make your eats look like drugs. For my recent Aruban vacation, I made several batches of roasted pumpkin seeds to eat on the plane and beach snacks all week. It seemed like a great idea to put them in tiny little snack bags, and then wrap them all up into one big plastic bag. Problem: under an x-ray scanner, I looked like a drug smuggler, and my bags were torn apart. Thankfully, in the end I was allowed to keep my seeds.
– Bake weapons into your breads. Please. For the love of foodies everywhere. Don’t ruin another thing for all of us.
One last tip: the newest method I’ve been toying with is freezing liquids before travel. Going back to college chemistry, technically a frozen liquid is a solid, right? Also, as my boyfriend pointed out, most liquid explosives wouldn’t freeze. The TSA couldn’t possibly claim my homemade split pea soup is going to take down my 747…or would they?
What about you, ESers? How do YOU travel with your food? Feel free to share your funny/disastrous airplane food stories.