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What Gadget Is Worth a Dumpster Dive?

Last month I went “camping” with my parents on Assateague Island. The second night I was there, we of course had a multi-course meal, consisting of crabs, shrimp, corn and — of course — crabs again, finished with BLTs (normal to end a meal with BLTs, yes?)

But between crabs round one and crabs round two, something horrific happened. We somehow lost our beloved crab crackers (red, seen above). I don’t like them that much, but they are my dad’s favorite.

Our worst fear: that they were already in the dumpster, rolled up with the newspaper and crab shells.

There was about 5 minutes of panic. What would we do? How were we going to eat the rest of our crabs tonight and for life? How could we possibly go on, having thrown away an important gadget? I suggested we find another tool. Like a beer can or one of the 1000 tools in my dad’s truck. But my dad couldn’t be reasoned with. He was in serious distress, and said he was going in the dumpster.

Luckily he was about 15 Miller High Lifes in at this point, so he was moving rather slowly. But he didn’t stop repeating “I’m going in” as he tried to get up from the table. In a few minutes we found them, hidden under the second layer of newspaper.

This brought up some startling realizations about our priorities. If you accidentally threw away a kitchen item in a moment of crisis, would you dumpster dive to save it? Would would you go in for? What would you let go?

in Personal 4 comments
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Friday Fuck-Up: One Giant Cookie

Last week I was feeling down about life in general, not to mention, I was getting over the flu and had both sinus and ear infections. I needed a pick-me-up.

Now, I don’t bake. I know a lot of people say it’s my fault because I’m not trying hard enough or I’m not paying enough attention BUT REALLY SOMETIMES I DO EVERYTHING and even study the molecular science behind baking and it just doesn’t work for me.

But I’m not a quitter. At 10pm, once my roommates went to bed, I decided to embark on a new adventure: sugar cookies. I’ve successfully made cookies before, and I figured these can’t be that difficult, right?

Wrong.

Now of course I started with frozen butter, so I cut up the frozen sticks into slivers, put them on a plate, then mashed them with the warmth of my hands until the butter was warm enough for the cookies. That’s dedication, yo.

The dough came together and I did everything the recipe said, including rolling the dough in sugar and pressing it down all fancy-like with a glass.

As I was sitting there, proud of myself, thinking “THESE ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST COOKIES EVER,” I noticed a strange smell. Oh, it was smoke. COMING FROM MY OVEN.

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in Desserts 9 comments
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Spike Your Juice: ES Taste Tests the Newest High School Trend

Here’s a post just for all of you who think whipped lightening is too fancy.

Apparently one of the newest trends among high schoolers this year is this stuff called Spike Your Juice. It was described to me by a former co-worker as “stuff you put in juice to make it alcoholic.” Naturally, as soon as I heard those words, instead of being appalled or horrified, I immediately ran over to my computer to figure out how I could get some of this stuff. I’m on a budget, ‘yo.

After some googling, I discovered this is supposed to taste like federweisser, some alcoholic German drink that I did not consume in Germany. When I asked my German resident expert, she said it “sounds like the stuff they give babies to get them to like beer.” Typical.

Make your own alcohol without a bathtub and the potential for blindness? Too good to be true. After gathering information and convincing the company to send me samples, I either thought this was a) a scam or b) a packet of yeast.

I poured it into a measuring spoon. It’s just yeast. But then I started to freak out about homemade alcohol horror stories. Would I die if I consumed this? Is this a terrible idea? Should I just walk down to the store and buy a $6 bottle of Jacquins?

No, no, and NO.

So I followed the directions and added one packet (contents in the picture above) to a 64oz container of cran-pomegranate juice that contained sugar. And I waited 48 hours. I tasted. It tasted like juice with yeast. So of course instead of waiting just one more day, I waited nine.

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in Drinks / Trends 3 comments
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Artsy Photo of the Day

 

in Photos 1 comments
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The Endless Road Trip: Philadelphia’s Top 10 Eats 9. The New Cupcakes

Ever since the cupcake trend died down (at least a little bit), everyone has been looking for “the new cupcake.” I found it.

I never particularly like the cupcake trend because there didn’t seem to be flavors in a cupcake I couldn’t get elsewhere. Red velvet cupcake? Yeah, I can just get red velvet cake. Move along. Nothing to see here.

So I was a little apprehensive of the new, “trendy” donut and fried chicken place opening in South Philly. Another baked good trend? Meh. But on Monday morning I headed down to the opening of Federal Donuts, the brainchild of Philly chef Michael Solomonov and Steven Cook (of Zahav), BODHi Coffee owners Thomas Henneman and Bob Logue, and local food-and-drink expert Felicia D’Ambrosio (aka the tour guide on the Philly episode of Bizarre Foods). This place already had an advantage in my mind, since the hummus and salatim at Zahav is my kryptonite. When I die, I want to be slathered in that hummus. Preferably by Solomonov himself. Or any of the male servers from Zahav. I’m not picky.

I went along to Federal with my former flame (The Artist), because he has a few fabulous qualities for an eating partner: he shares, he knows what he likes, he’s been to Zahav and he isn’t afraid to park in the city. But then we walked in, and The Artist asked if they had decaf coffee (they did not) and then I remembered why it didn’t work out between us. One point for Federal, though.

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in Breakfast / Food Travel / Restaurants / Trends 5 comments
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Cheesesteaks Gone Wild!

Being a native Philadelphian, I wouldn’t dare say that we got bored with cheesesteaks (not possible), but we’re always looking for ways to make good things better — and easier to eat in a social setting with a fork. These seven insane creations mean you can spend a weekend in Philadelphia and eat a different kind of cheesesteak spinoff at every meal.

1. Cheesesteak Fries

This happens to be my personal favorite of all the non-traditional cheesesteak varieties. The wonderful, wonderful combination was introduced to me by a former roommate when we went out to watch the Phillies at The Fieldhouse. Cheesesteak meat, fried onions and cheez whiz are piled on these long, crinkle cut fries that hold the meat and cheese so perfectly. I mean, doesn’t a fried potato increase the goodness of anything by ten thousand percent?

2. The Philly Taco

Also known as South Street Sushi (which I prefer…I mean, it’s not really a taco, right?) is a legend. So what is it? Head to South Street in Philly a buy a gigantic slice of Lorenzo’s pizza. Then head to neighboring Ishkabibble’s and order cheese fries, cheese on the side. This taco is best pulled-off when with a group. Enter Jim’s cheesesteak: send one person to order a cheesesteak, send the rest of the group upstairs with the remaining ingredients.

To assemble: Cover your cheesesteak with fries, and the accompanying cheese, then wrap the whole thing, taco-style, in the slice of pizza. Consume.

I guess it can be any cheesesteak, pizza and fries combination, but these three places are all a block away from each other, and Lorenzo’s slices are just the right size for the sandwich.

More >> Watch the Philly Taco How-To Video.

3. Cheesesteak Egg Rolls

It might look like vomit, but this is a must-eat. Hell, I live in Philadelphia and I find myself craving these weekly. Imagine all of the goodness of a cheesesteak (meat, cheese, fried onions, maybe peppers and mushrooms)….deep fried in a crispy wrapper. You can find these at many restaurants in the city, but my favorite version is from Old Eagle Tavern — served with sriracha ketchup. More on the version pictured — from Smokin’ Betty’s — at la vie en route.

Photo: (la vie en route)

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in Cheese / Featured / Lists / Sandwich / Trends 4 comments
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So What Can I Eat on a Date?

If you know me personally (or even via Twitter), you know I’ve been doing quite a share of dating recently. So when I stumbled across Thought Catalog’s 20 Foods To Avoid On A Date…I realized maybe I’m ordering the wrong shit.

Although I don’t always do first dates over dinner because I don’t like eating with people I’m not very familiar with…some guys just insist, and I mean come on. I’m a writer. I’m not about to turn down a free meal.

Here’s the start of their list (you can read the rest over at Thought Catalog):

  1. Corn on the cob
  2. Buffalo wings
  3. Spaghetti
  4. Candy apple
  5. Egg drop soup
  6. Crunchy tacos + over-application of salsas and various watery sauces
  7. The tail end of a spider roll
  8. Spare ribs
  9. Steamed/ boiled spinach as main course
  10. Nachos that use ‘cheese sauce’ instead of cheese

Fine, I’m probably not going to eat buffalo wings or corn on the cob on a date. Or a gas station hot dog. Because…if that’s what you’re eating on a date, that’s the least of your problems. But really. Egg drop soup? SPAGHETTI? CHEESE SAUCE? I LOVE CHEESE SAUCE. For the love of god, what am I supposed to eat on a date?

And for the record, I ate olives with pits discarded in a nearby dish on two recent dates (with the same man) who still seems interested. What I’m saying is…if my date likes olives, I’m going to take advantage of that shit.

But what do I know. I AM single. Am I single because I’m ordering the wrong foods? Does dating mean I have to give up my foodie-ness until I become comfortable enough with a person to eat a burrito?

in Personal / Rants & Raves 15 comments
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