Los Doritos Locos Part 2: The Chips



First, we tested the tacos, now we test the Doritos. Cool Ranch took round one. But does it carry over to the chips? Frito Lay and Taco Bell had the right idea in attempting to send the Taco Bell cult following over to the crispy chip company—but will it work? Well, first off, the chips better damn well taste exactly like the tacos. Secondly, there are two kinds of chips in the bag, and you must take the time to match a taco chip with the regular chip (the work needs to be worth it). Finally—I am expecting the same flavor without the massive toll that tacos take on my digestive system. Anywhoo, let’s talk Doritos Locos chips.

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Los Doritos Locos Part 1: The Tacos


It’s about time we discuss the Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Tacos. First, we were introduced to the Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco. Then, we were told there would be a Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco, which was delayed. Outrage, betrayal, and nearly full riots occurred with the news. Finally, our friends at Taco Bell released the Cool Ranch tortilla pocket. Great…but now we have to choose between the two.

The battle begins…

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Burns My Bacon: Running Out of Sour Cream (FOR YOUR BURRITO)

sour cream

What’s hip these days? Eating (and saying) “fro yo,” craft beer, and “fresh” fast food. I’m already sold on craft beer, will never say “fro yo”, and occasionally I will buy into getting some fast food that is “fresh.” So, this past weekend the girlfriend and I stopped at Chipotle on the way home from the shore rather than a burger place.

Got myself a pork burrito loaded with the pleasantries and of course—wanted sour cream on my pork-stuffed tortilla pocket. But guess what? The burrito artisan behind the counter said “we’re all out.” We’re all out—of sour cream—at Chipotle— for my made to order burrito. I’m sorry, usually there is some sort of tub of sour cream in the fridge ready to go for every other damn customer that asks for sour cream on their burrito.

Fine, I figured I could wait the extra two seconds (you know, because it’s FAST fresh food) for them to get the new tub of sour cream. So I told her I’ll wait. Her response: “Oh, sorry sir, we need to make some more.” Oh, that makes sense. I figured you had a couple of cows in the back of the store ripe for milking, and some other cream curdling away, ready to officially become sour cream. Because, that’s not only fresh, but also so quick – to MAKE sour cream. Are you kidding me?

Of all things…sour cream. Now I’m wondering why they keep the tomatoes, lettuce, onions, and other veggies aside in the fridge rather than in their private garden in the back by the cows.  Shouldn’t those be just as “fresh” as the sour cream? Where are the pigs, cows and chickens they slaughter? Where is the butcher? And what about the tortillas? I see them pulled out of packages – some dude can easily make the tortillas on the spot!

Well, at least the sour cream is fresh.

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Burns My Bacon: Whipped Cream at Mickey D's


Public Service Announcement: The Shamrock Shake is back!

While other stores stock up on Easter Candy and the new summer line, McDonald”s is proactively celebrating a true holiday: St. Patty”s Day. Other than Irish Car Bombs, there is nothing better than a Shamrock Shake on a not-so-near-Spring day. Just one thing:make sure you tell them you don”t want whipped cream on it. Or the damn cherry…

Sure, I like whipped cream, but not when it replaces one fourth of the shake! Oh yeah, and they put a cherry on top. If I wanted a sundae, I”d order a sundae (somewhere else). But guess what? I want a mint shake with green food coloring in it, Det er SkillOnNet som leverer spillene til EU casino online , en aktor som er anerkjent for nedlastbare casino online er. and I want it filled to the top, damnit. Only for less than one month a year do I get to drink green, minty, creamy, fatty goodness. I don”t want whipped cream to clog up my red and yellow striped straw—that narrow tunnel is reserved only for my shake.

I know, I know, this is not something new. I got screwed over last year. So this year, I got smart and told them, “no whip, asshole.” What did I get? Three-fourths of a cup of a Shamrock Shake (that will teach you for trying to be fancy with your clear plastic cup, “McCafe.”)  I went via the drive-through and didn”t notice the damage done until it was too late. Don”t let this happen to you. Check it before you take your first big SUCK through the straw. We deserve better. My Irish car bomb better be f”ing awesome this year…

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Fast Food Review: Taco Bell's Cantina Steak Burrito


I’m an unabashed Taco Bell fan. It’s in my rotation of Friday night takeout options and I even braved the wilds of Orange County for the opportunity to visit their test kitchen and see where the magic is made. I’m pretty regular in my routine. I usually stick with a basic burrito, maybe a taco and almost always a beef Baja Chalupa, although I do occasionally swap it out for the not-on-the-menu-but-available-if-you-ask-nicely Volcano Beef Chalupa.

I have to take my hat off to them for the success of scientific breakthroughs like the Doritos Locos Taco, though that sort of thing always struck me as gilding the lily a bit. But what about a new product line that wasn’t a gimmick—one that stressed high-quality and fresh ingredients? That’s where the Cantina Steak Burrito comes in.

Taco Bell’s introduction of the Cantina menu was intriguing. A trip to your local shopping center will make it clear that Taco Bell is facing competition, so it was only logical that they would fend off the challenge and take advantage of the public’s desire for a more sophisticated option. So, after seeing my wife order it on a few occasions, it was time for me to see if Taco Bell had found the sweet spot between their affordable options and the higher-end products offered by its fast casual foes.

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Burns My Bacon: Fast Food Cheaters

WATCH OUT! Taco Bell has a new chef in town, and she’s changing the way of Taco Bell’s menu by adding a healthy option to help make you more regular after chomping down on a Doritos Taco. Unstinking offices everywhere after the lunch break. Thank goodness a “renowned” chef has come to the rescue of FAST FOOD.
You’ve heard and saw the commercials— Celebrity Chef Lorena Garcia has been wined and dined by Taco Bell and she accepts her new position as face of the franchise. Yes—a human has replaced the famed speaking pup that brought Taco Bell to a new level. Let me say that again – a professionally trained chef, has taken on the role of a strung out Chihuahua.

Why is this cheating? It’s not that I don’t enjoy the occasional guilty pleasure of a quick trip through the drive-through. But more that Lorena Garcia has completely sold out to a corporation that houses their “mexican cuisine” stores in the same buildings as KFCs. Rather than creating her own restaurants and using fresh, local ingredients, she is “making it big” with the fast food industry. Now, she has the distinct honor of having her foods frozen and shipped across the country to drunks everywhere.

I don’t care if you open a dive bar or diner—but make it your own for goodness sake! But at least she made the burrito healthy by…get this…taking out the tortilla. I think there’s another restaurant chain that does that…and I’m willing to bet their ingredients are ten times fresher and real(er?) than Taco Bell. Do you see Bobby Flay “crunchifying” burgers at the BK and Golden Arches? Is Gordon Ramsey making Au Bon Pain a more “refined” establishment? No. And they shouldn’t. I know most celebrity chefs “sell out” on occasion, but I feel like this is beyond that. Packaging your own “unique” and “special” recipes, freezing them, and selling them at your local Taco Bell is cheating. And we really don’t like cheaters here…C’mon Man!

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