eagles -

by broadandpattison

Gridiron Grub: When the Food Beats the Game

Editor’s Note: With the football post-season kicking into high gear, contributor broadandpattison returns for a retrospective on another year as an Eagles fan…and the tailgating grub that got him through it.

Given that my beloved Eagles seem to have a much different definition of “football” than I do, this year I decided to use my time at Eagles games more wisely. That is, instead of “going to the football game,” I go to the tailgate. It occurred to me at my last tailgate, before the Pats spanked the Birds, that all of the wonderful food I was eating was actually the exact OPPOSITE of the Eagles players I’ve been watching all year. Let’s break it down:

Dish: Bacon, Egg and Cheese……and a Keystone Light
Exact Opposite: Desean Jackson

The Sunday morning breakfast sandwich is about the most reliable food order of all time. It’s Sunday morning, you’re a little hungover, you need grease and substance at the same time….you get a breakfast sandwich. Works every time. It used to be that we could count on Desean for a long touchdown bomb and a totally over-the-top TD dance every game, just like you could count on the breakfast sandwich hitting the spot every Sunday morning. Now? I’m not sure Desean knows when he is playing football.

Dish: Pulled Pork on Brioche
Exact Opposite: Casey Matthews

The pulled pork at the tailgate was juicy, seasoned and delicious. No matter how much you have, you can ALWAYS have one more bite. Casey Matthews? You never want one more play out of him. EVER. No more!!!!! Please stop!!!! (Those emotions never, ever are associated with pulled pork. Ever.)

Gridiron Grub: In the Pocket

Well the holidays are over and the east coast is in the process of clearing out from the first significant snowstorm of the year. Because of this snowmageddon/snowpocalypse, or whatever else weatherman say to get us to stay tuned in, my beloved Eagles moved their game from Sunday to Tuesday night.

It is a move that did not go over well. Even Gov. Ed Rendell came out and called America a nation of wusses. To be fair this is the same man who years ago admitted that when he was a Philadelphia-based district attorney he offered cash to anyone who could reach the field with a snowball. Despite the snow being cleared, the Iggles must not have been told that they were supposed to play Tuesday night because they barely showed up. Their lackluster effort ensured that the high point of the night would be the pierogi we had thawed out for dinner.

Talk Like a Pirate Day

I’ve definitely ranted about all of those “Day of Days,” as I so eloquently called the phenomenon. A day for soft serve ice cream, a day for mustard, a day for bulk foods…

Anyway, I think I may have found the best “day of” yet: Talk Like a Pirate Day. Which of course, is today, September 19th.

I don’t know what may pop into your head when you hear “pirate” – is it Peter Pan, Pittsburgh baseball, puffed rice? Well for me, it’s a quote from the best movie of all time: PCU.

Rand: I scheme and plan for MONTHS and it gets screwed up because YOU can’t control the students! NEVER send a woman to do a man’s job!

President Garcia-Thompson: You cocky, pointy-nosed little Reaganite! If you hadn’t provoked them, we wouldn’t BE in this mess!

Rand: Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to TALL BITCH! What is your fault? THIS IS!

[turns on Droz]

Rand: Hey, poor boy! Go and have all your parties with all your new friends! I can see it now, Andrews. You and all the knee-jerk, bleeding-heart liberals, sipping tea and playing patty-cake. And those useless hippie pot-heads, those commie-pinko leftists. The bunny huggers, the pillow biters…

Droz: Whoa! Whoa! Which ones are the pillow biters again?

Rand: The BUTT-PIRATES! And those beastly man-haters, tell those chicks to shave their pits then call me! And those goddamn whiny crybaby minorities, you can keep them all!

[Rand realizes that Droz had a microphone close by and that the sign lady has been signing everything he said]

Droz: [to the students] Rand McPherson, everybody. And don’t forget the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30 show. Enjoy the veal!

[the students then go after Rand]

Rand: I scheme and plan for MONTHS and it gets screwed up because YOU can’t control the students! NEVER send a woman to do a man’s job!

President Garcia-Thompson: You cocky, pointy-nosed little Reaganite! If you hadn’t provoked them, we wouldn’t BE in this mess!

Rand: Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to TALL BITCH! What is your fault? THIS IS!

[turns on Droz]

Rand: Hey, poor boy! Go and have all your parties with all your new friends! I can see it now, Andrews. You and all the knee-jerk, bleeding-heart liberals, sipping tea and playing patty-cake. And those useless hippie pot-heads, those commie-pinko leftists. The bunny huggers, the pillow biters…

Droz: Whoa! Whoa! Which ones are the pillow biters again?

Rand: The BUTT-PIRATES! And those beastly man-haters, tell those chicks to shave their pits then call me! And those goddamn whiny crybaby minorities, you can keep them all!

[Rand realizes that Droz had a microphone close by and that the sign lady has been signing everything he said]

Droz: [to the students] Rand McPherson, everybody. And don’t forget the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30 show. Enjoy the veal!

[the students then go after Rand]

To celebrate this pirate madness, Pirate’s Booty is giving away a chest of goodies to one of our readers.

We’ll pick a commenter by random, but just leave a comment in this post about anything, hopefully about pirates, but Eagles football will work too. Oh, or about food.

Here are some pirate-speak definitions to inspire your comments.

Comments are due midnight EST, Monday, September 20th.

Scallywag – Mild insult similar to rapscallion or rouge.

Scurvy Dog – The pirate talking directly to you with mild insult.

Shiver me timbers! – Comparable to “Holy crap!”

Son of a biscuit eater – Insult directed towards someone you don’t like.

Three sheets to the wind – Someone who is very drunk.

And of course

Pirate’s Booty! – Pirate’s treasure and also a favorite snack that’s’ good anytime! Pirate’s Booty is a deliciously baked rice and corn puff that’s baked, all-natural trans-fat and gluten-free.

in Contests 3 comments

by gansie

A Heartbreaking Taste of the Skyline

It was a sad day at the 80P and Gansie apartment on Saturday. Our lives were devoid of luck and wins, but thankfully, not of tequila shots and delicious dip.

First, Duke basketball lost a tight one to Georgia Tech. Then we had our friends Raj and Laura over for the Bengals game. The Cincinnati locals are huge fans and even brought over a special straight-from-Cinncy snack. The orange and black lost, though. And then. And then. The Eagles.

We should have left the apartment. Altered the mojo. But no, we kept in our same seats (although Raj did bring some outfit changes, switching gear depending on the flow) and watched the third losing game of the day.

However, I did learn the secret assemblage to a Midwestern treat. Which I’m sure tastes much better over not-missed field goal attempts. Sorry, Raj and Laura!

But as my friends’ Facebook messages say: 5 weeks until pitchers and catchers.