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by gansie

Liz Lemon Food Fix: What’s In Your Teeth?

Enjoy your weekly fix of Liz Lemon singing, crying and dancing about her love of food.

More Lemon:
Liz Lemon's Top 15 Tips for Better Eating
Top 10 Liz Lemon Food Moments (in GIFs)
All Liz Lemon Food Fix

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by gansie

And That’s How I Fell in Love With Almonds

Fuck pine nuts dude. Now I don’t normally spite shit just because it’s expensive. I will pay for nice cheeses, maybe a duck salami, homemade cream cheese spun with sun-dried tomatoes. But I just can’t get into footing the bill for pine nuts.

And I’m glad, because then I never would have fell in love with almonds.

It was Bennett’s turn to cook. We thought of this baked orzo dish with lots of vegetables from the market. And pesto. A thick pesto sauce blanketing every little noodle.

I was typing in the bedroom. But couldn’t resist checking in on Bennett. I spied him cutting a pepper, letting almonds dance on a dry pan. And it smelled wonderful. Like warmth and butter.

Modern Man played out of his Android and I quickly wiggled my neck around, pursing my lips, dancing from the shoulders up.

He slid the almonds from the pan and into the blender, grinding them into crumbs. Honestly, we could have tossed the crumbs with oil and have been set. But we put the whole package together with salt and pepper and cheese and basil.

We threw the extra crumbs in the freezer, which have since been blended with Swiss chard and Colman’s mustard for a slightly bitter pesto (pictured above as a spread for a sandwich of oven-dried tomatoes and patty pan sqaush) and then combined with Parmesean to top a baked tomato stuffed with Jersey corn, jalepeno and scallions.

And that’s how I fell in love with almonds.

by gansie

Attack of the Meme: Texts from Last Night Intersected with LOST

I may have found the memes to end all memes. The brilliant Tumblr, Text From The Fuselage, intersects the hilarious Texts from Last Night, a submission-based site featuring ridiculous text messages (about things like deep frying Cheese-Its and Vicodin) and highly passionate photos from LOST. Now while I’m still angry about the last season of LOST, I have to say, I don’t mind seeing pictures of a scruffy Jack, lusty Sawyer and wild-eyed Sayid.

Top 10 Food Texts Intersected with LOST

10. Beards

(Photo: Text From The Fuselage)

9. Distribution

(Photo: Text From The Fuselage)

8. Fridge

(Photo: Text From The Fuselage)

7. Questions

(Photo: Text From The Fuselage)

6. Coffee

(Photo: Text From The Fuselage)

Next: Top 5 Food Texts Intersected with LOST

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by gansie

Chopped Liver, Schmear and Pastrami: Find Your Sign in the Yiddish Zodiac

In 2011 I’m pretty shocked when I receive a silly forwarded email. Usually it’s about secret ways to dial 911 or some clearly untrue scam, or how to bust a hole through the tail light of a car in case someone shoves me into a trunk.

But a forward I received from my cousin last night actually made me laugh. Out loud. Forgive me if you’ve seen this gem of Jewish humor before. If not, let me present to you the Yiddish zodiac.

For those who frequent Chinese restaurants and see the place mats showing the Chinese zodiac (you know, the year of the rat, the year of the monkey, etc.) – well, here is the official Jewish equivalent. Now you can find out who you are.

THE YIDDISH ZODIAC

The Year of: CHICKEN SOUP
1907, 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
You’re a healer, nourishing all whom you encounter. We feel better just being in your presence. Mothers want to bring you home to meet their children – resist this at all costs. Compatible with Bagel and Knish.

The Year of: EGG CREAM
1908, 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
You’ve got a devious personality, since you’re made with neither eggs nor cream. Friends find your pranks refreshing; others think you’re too frothy. Compatible with Blintz, who also has something to hide.

The Year of: CHOPPED LIVER
1909, 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
People either love you or hate you, making you wonder, “What am I, chopped liver?” But don’t get a complex; you’re always welcome at the holidays! Bagel’s got your back.

Friday Fuck Up: How Not to Squeeze a Fried Egg into a Panini Press

“Can you find a use for this?” Nick, more told me than asked me, as he ditched two leftover baguettes at me and market manager, Rebbie, as the Mount Pleasant Farmers Market was closing up.

I slathered goat cheese on the baguette when I got home, topping it with a tomato, for an easy after-market lunch before a good deal of napping took place. The next day I had plenty of baguette left. It hardened by then.

How could I use it: croutons, french toast, bread crumbs… Nothing excited me. I then remembered the panini press that’s been sitting in my apartment unused for about, well, since I moved into my apartment 4 years ago.

I wanted to squeeze a fried egg into this breakfast panini. Because really, how could I eat a sandwich before noon without an egg? The sandwich turned into an elaborate kitchen mess: sauteing garlic scapes with spinach, browning sun gold tomatoes, tearing basil, shredding smoked cheddar and baking bacon.

The problem I realized is the width of the baguette. There was no fucking way all of this would fit.

The Chew Better Be Worth Killing All My Children

My mom is PISTED. Like super crazy mad, sad, frustrated, disappointed, pisted. My mom is a soap opera fan. She’s been watching All My Children for almost 40 years now. Yea, I said 40.

Every day she tapes the soap, which airs at 1pm EST, to watch later that night. Growing up I would watch with her. We would paint sea shells at the kitchen table and engage with our “friends” as they married, divorced, cheated, gave birth, died, mysteriously found the way back to Pine Valley with amnesia, and died again.

But no more. ABC yanked both All My Children and One Life to Live off the air…for a food (and lifestyle) show. My mom is someone fairly unconcerned with food. She eats to survive, not for pleasure, so you can imagine her fury knowing a food show (that has plenty of its own channels) will replace her soap. Luckily, AMC will transition online and continue to dazzle audiences with outrageous plots.

Starting September 26th, the one o’clock hour will feature The Chew staring Mario Batali, Michael Symon, Top Chef Carla Hall, “entertaining expert” Clinton Kelly and “health and wellness enthusiast” Daphne Oz (says press release.) ABC is furthermore calling its new food show “innovative and groundbreaking.”

Yesterday ABC released a “behind the scenes” (aka totally staged with fake moments of enormous laughter) teaser. Everyone’s giggling and super buddy buddy. I’m sure the show will be lighthearted, filled with quick tips for busy parents and party ideas for yuppie couples. But I hope it’s more.

Attack of the Meme: Top 10 Food Lessons from Sex and the City

Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda taught women many important lessons, as beautifully captured through the tumblr Things I Learned From Sex and the City. But before scrolling through, I never knew how much they talked about food and not just funky tasting spunk.