100 Things Restaurant Patrons Should Never Do
Warning: things are about to get a little snarky.
Back in October, Bruce Buschel wrote a piece for the New York Times blog, “100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do.” Buschel explained this list to be a part of the training manual he would use for an upcoming fine dining seafood restaurant of his, a literal lists of 100 “Don’ts.”
This idea of training through a series of do nots instead of through illustrations of what should be done irks me in and of itself, especially as a restaurant manager. I have to admit that I do agree with some of his points, but I found the article to be, well, essentially hating on his staff (what a way to build up morale, Buschel!), without having allowed them a chance to prove that they more than likely already knew a lot of these rules– and that they didn’t need to be subjected to a patronizing list. (I printed the list and brought it up to my restaurant to see the reactions — there was a lot of eye rolling and “duh” being thrown around.)
More than anything, this list started to get me fired up, not about things servers should/should never do, but the serious disrespectful faults that I come across with restaurant patrons every day (in every restaurant I’ve ever worked in). I like to think that some people are just ignorant when it comes to proper restaurant etiquette, but I know that some are just, well, assholes.
I don’t have 100 things quite yet, but this list is a definite work in progress, as new disrespectful acts are constantly witnessed. So in that same do-not vein, here is part one.
100 Things Restaurant Patrons Should Never Do
1. Snapping, waving, flailing your arms wildly is really not necessary. You look like a fool, and you’re only distracting (and annoying) your server while he or she attends to another table.
2. Do not ignore your server. When he or she approaches with a smile and a greeting, do not stare at your menu, all the while never looking up, and say “Yeah, I’ll have the salmon.”
3. Do not expect your server to be an octopus, or the god Shiva. Three plates are generally the maximum that a server will carry at a time, and when you’re a table of five and three plates are brought by your laden-down server, do not go “And where are our meals?!” It’s called a second trip.
4. Interrupting gets you nowhere. Saying “excuse me” loudly while your server is attending to the table next to you is rude to the server and the other table, and generally makes you look like an ass.
5. When dining in a small, heavy-volume restaurant (especially one expected to be a quick serve), do not sit 45 minutes after you have finished all food and drinks and have paid the bill. There is most likely a long wait, and you’re ruining everyone’s day.
6. Do not ignore the host or hostess. Those people standing at the door and saying hello to you are, in fact, people. Pretending they don’t exist will only make your wait for a table longer.
7. Along the same lines, do not attempt to do the host or hostess’ job for them. Creating the flow of a restaurant involves a lot more than just sitting people in empty chairs. When there are visible empty tables, it’s for a reason– either reservations or a section was triple sat. Never say, “but there is an empty table right there!” unless you like looks of contempt.
8. NEVER STEAL FROM A RESTAURANT.
9. I cannot repeat this one enough — Never, ever, EVER touch your server or hostess. Do you touch your bank teller? No? Then why do you think that grabbing your server or host/hostess is acceptable? It happens constantly and is inexcusable.
10. Do not stop a server/runner/backwaiter while they’re running heavy plates to another table. Heavy. Plates. You and your emergency need for more Splenda in your coffee can wait.
11. Know what you ordered. You’re the one who looks like a moron (and angers the entire staff) when you get your baked pasta with pancetta and cry “But I’m a vegetarian!” making us waste a plate of food and make something else for you. If you don’t know what something is, ask. It’s easier.
12. Be on time, and also know that a reservation is exact. Do not call for a reservation and say “We’ll be there between 7:00 and 7:20 or so.” No, you’ll be here at 7:00, or your table will be given away by 7:15.
13. “Yeah, I’ll take” or “Gimme/Get me” are not respectful ways to start a sentence. So don’t do it.
14. This almost seems too obvious, but tip your server. Even if you didn’t like the food, keep in mind that your server only had anything to do with, well, service. And remember that depending where you are, hourly wages aren’t even enough to pay taxes. (Here in MA it’s currently $2.63 for servers.)
15. Must you blow your nose on five different tissues and just leave them on your table for your server or backwaiter to pick up? What is this, TGI Fridays? Excuse yourself.
16. LISTEN to your server. When he or she asks if you would like milk, cream or sugar with your coffee, “yes” is not an appropriate answer.
17. This is a tip for non fine dining restaurants, but when your server comes up to the table with three plates on his or her arms, and you have a bread plate and a cup and saucer blocking the entire space in front of you, don’t just sit there. Move things, at least until one of the server’s hands are free.
18. Asking “What’s good today?” is pretty much the same as asking your server “What’s inedible here?” putting the server between a rock and a hard place. There is no correct answer to that uncomfortable question — be more specific, asking about particular dishes.
19. This also seems to obvious, but clearly announce any allergies/aversions you may have to your server. The last thing we want is a lawsuit due to the diner’s negligence (or the server’s, of course).
20. Standing up around your table for 15 minutes at the end of your meal is disrupting to all. If you all need a long time to put on coats/say goodbye, please move it along to the foyer.
21. Whether you’re in the industry or not, never tell restaurant employees what they should or shouldn’t do – as long as what they’re doing isn’t hurting or violently offending you, you have no say. Just go somewhere else.
22. I know you think you’re being helpful, but please don’t stack plates and silverware “for the server.” Everyone has different ways that they feel comfortable carrying stacks of plates, and your helpfulness could result in a floor-smashing mess.
23. Don’t name drop — it’s just tacky, and will not change the fact that every table is currently occupied. Especially do not name drop incorrectly — mispronouncing the name of the owner that you “know so well” will only result in your being mocked by the entire staff for the rest of the night. Because you deserve it.
24. It pains me to have to say this, but the “I’m in the industry” line is never amusing nor helpful, nor will it curry favor. You should know better.
25. Tourists, please don’t tip 10% because you know you’ll never be back to this restaurant ever again. I have no words for people like you.
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This article must contain the rudest voice I have read by far. Clearly you must be some sort of restaurant employee and have hopefully lost your job because of your bitterness toward every human being in general that isn’t yourself. I can most definitely agree with a number of these points, but that being said, this isn’t even well-written. All of this information is just arguing stressing common manners. You didn’t wow anyone with this article, so try again next week.
Try offering something that people haven’t already read or been taught before. I’ve seen lists of “10 things you shouldn’t do at restaurants” that are easily better than this. Quality, not quantity.
I am going to say this. I go to the restaurant for the GOOD food and relax with my friends. However, service is just one of those annoying “add ons”. If there were restaraunts that served good food and allowed self service, sign me up.
Waiters sometimes are the most obnoxious people I’ve met. Lots of actor wannabes and liberal arts majors.
Really what do they do? Take your order, refill your drinks, and serve your food? And you get 18% on top of my bill to do that?! HAHA. I am MORE then willing to get up and get my own food, order at a counter, and get my own refills.
I’m telling you someone is going to open a big chain self-service restaurant in the next couple years, driving a lot of these pricks out of work. Good. Service industry is not a career anyways. You guys are replaceable just like that Walmart cashier.
Obviously many of the readers have never worked in a restaurant before. I am one of the nicest servers you will ever come across and I deal with this ALL the time. I can agree to EVERYTHING in this post.
You sitting for 45 minutes after you pay-unless you are going to tip extra- not only effects my money, but also effects other people wanting to eat. If there is a wait an open tables, yes that server probably got triple sat, or the kitchen might be behind, or we might be short staffed. We’re not singling you out saying “oh shit, you look rude, let me make you wait” … No. TIP 20% at least… we get paid $2.13 an hour in VA and all our paychecks are VOID because the money comes out for taxes. If you can’t tip don’t go out to eat.
Just because your server forgets your mustard or doesn’t get to your water IMMEDIATELY does not mean they suck or are not taking care of you; you are not the only person in that restaurant they are responsible. Servers are human too.
I don’t have 12 arms. If my hands are full, let me put my stuff down before you ask me to grab more stuff.
WOW ON DISGRUNTLED PATRON: YOU ARE A RAGING ASSHOLE AND YOU SHOULD NOT GO OUT TO EAT EVER. We are not disposable just like a Walmart cashier. Just like Walmart cashiers, we are trying to make a living. I am a server trying to pay my way through college. Even though I LOVE SERVING, I can’t deal with assholes like YOU so I have to get out of it. Without servers, you can’t go out to eat. I’m not your slave, I am waiting your table because I want to and because you obviously want to be there, so respect our jobs just like we respect yours. If you don’t want to tip STAY HOME OR GO TO MCDONALD’S. Seriously, you are a prick. I hope you lose your job and have to become a server so you can gain some respect for people that are working citizens just like YOU.
While some of these points are agreeable, many are downright malarky. Are you kidding me? Don’t stack your plates? I’ve worked in the hospitality industry for more than a decade as a chef, server, sa and expo. and I can assure you, it’s nicer to have just a tiny bit less to do. If your server can’t carry the whole stack, they can rearrange it without too much effort.
Also, while it isn’t likely to “curry favor” as the author put it, only the rudest, most self absorbed servers won’t have any interest at all in your life. That’s even part of what being a regular is all about. If they are so upset about you sharing your mutual occupation, then what they are really pissed about is being reminded they are in the industry. Seriously, most servers are inept, selfish morons who don’t care a whit about being hospitable and should never be allowed to work in a restaurant, hotel or anywhere else that involves delivering a service to guests.
Disgruntled Patron and those sharing similar opinions should definitely stay home (I would say fast food but those businesses shouldn’t even exist as they perpetuate a social paradigm based on wages and social status). There are already self service establishments, they’re called buffets and/or cafeterias; you should probably stick to those. If you are too uninformed to know what servers really do for you, we certainly don’t want you clamoring for a spot in a huge cue, trying to yell at our chefs that your meal is taking too long or that you’re allergic to nuts when you ordered a pesto sauce.
I do, however; agree that the gratuity is rather insulting. Tips should never be a mandate. If you receive exemplary service, by all means give a hefty gratuity but it shouldn’t be the mainstay of someone’s income. It’s a travesty what servers are payed by restaurants, which is why some states have mandated that the business must pay an amount that gives their employees at least minimum wage if tips don’t make it there (not that minimum wage is liveable).
Servers’ jobs aren’t just to be delivery people and they are woefully underpaid and underappreciated.
Okay! So i agreed with every single suggestion (or demand). I’ve been a waitress before. But reading this felt like someone was yelling at me. If you are angry, calm down before posting. Jesus.
I agree with andie, this person was very upset when he/she wrote this and went a little too far as Nah pointed out. I love going out and I understand the waiters, it’s not an easy job. People often come with huge emotional burdens and forget waiters are people too and deserve respect. On the other hand tips are not mandatory, waiters have to earn it. And is not a matter of speed or about flattering the client, what really counts is manners, empathy and service. If you ask kindly and you show respect, and if your request is really worthwhile you’ll see how well you will be treated. Personally, I like to give good tips, in a world with more violence and indifference every day, simple kindness deserves to be rewarded. I was a waitress myself and I loved customers like Disgruntled Patron, their attitude is just a sign of how much comprehension and kindness they need. I served many people like him, and considered it a dare to earn their sympathy and gratitude, sometimes it took more than one visit but the result was always rewarding. They just come to a restaurant to eat, probably, after a very stressful day. An upset or annoying customer just need to see you human side to remember you are a human being too. Once you conquer them, you not only gain a loyal patron but sometimes a good friend.
I agree with almost every one of these. However, the way these were written are extremely rude. I can understand being upset, but quite a few of the people who took the time to read this are the same people who know and practice restaurant etiquette. Taking such an angry and condescending standpoint only puts the author on the same level as the patrons they are griping about.
i thought 10% was the rule. its not because ill never be back its because thats what tourists are told the rule is. im from australia and we pay our waitstaff as well as retail or any other un qualified profession. eg… minimum wage for a 14 year old is $8, for an adult you would be getting minimum $12 and that would be for cash in hand work, if they were registering you with the tax department its at least 15 closer to 17 an hour so in our country there are no mandatory tips.
Okay, I read the post…the whole post. And I must say, this person should learn one golden rule. Life is not fair and sometimes work sucks. BUT, if you want a paycheck then you should just SHUT THE HELL UP and DO YOUR JOB. I don’t care how nice you are, I don’t care how much you feel you DESERVE a big tip. YOUR opinion of YOURSELF counts for nothing. I can look at my life and my job and name off 100 things people could do to make MY job easier and more pleasant as well. I think just about ANYONE could. But the point is, this is a job and things are NOT going to be your way. If you want them your way, go home. That is where you can have things your way. When you are being paid to make someone ELSE’S visit a pleasant one, well it may mean that you need to go through some things that you find unpleasant, that you find as rude, that just drive you nuts. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah….go cry to your mother over it. This is NOTHING NEW. I’m sorry, I feel NO sympathy for you. Yes, SOME things are illegal (your stealing example) and should be reported if needed, but all of your other gripes, though valid complaints, or nothing that a patron cares to hear about. Go ahead and gripe to your coworkers. Complain to your friends and family about how this or that bothers you. We all do it as THAT is appropriate, but to make a list like this….well, I guess it is easier to understand why you have a job as a server and not a well paying career somewhere else. You have a whole lot of growing up to do yet.
While most make sense, 13 & 18 sound obnoxious, is it really a sin to speak in a more colloquial/casual manner?
Ha – some of these comments are absolutely ridiculous. To start I will say that I am in the restaurant industry so I understand all sides of the above comments. While I agree that some of the things in the list may come across as just bitching about your job it is all true. Servers, back waiters, bartenders, etc are people too and dont deserve the abuse and disrespect they receice. What if we came to your place of employment and gave you that much disrespect and belittlement? The restaurant and hospitality industry is real and these are real careers. For those who work in restaurants and take their jobs seriously deserve a lot more respect than posted in some of these comments. For real…a self serve restaurant? Ha! Don’t get me wrong the food is the number one reason people go out to eat but I am a firm believer that service and atmosphere are reasons why people return to an establishment time afteoutr time. If you think all your server does for you is take your order and refill your drinks, please come do what we do for a week…I challenge you….Im sure your cubicle job is super stressful and fast pasted just like a full restaurant where you are trying to please 50 people at one time. If you have that little respect for people in this profession you should just stay at home and cook your own food. I could go on for pages but I will stop at that. For all of you reading this who work in the industry service is #1 and never forget that. Never let the negativity get you down because the number of guests who love your service and are grateful for your kindness and professionalism certainly out weigh the number of customers who lack manners and respect for other human beings.
Don’t bitch about your pay. Nobody forced you to be a server, YOU chose to be a server. Being a server is your job, and if you don’t like it go find an other one.
Hey! TGIFriday’s is a great place! we don’t want your nasty used tissues either!
P.S. I work there … gosh!
The thing that pains me the most about this article is the comments. I hope amongst the ( currently 123 responses ) other comments is someone else that noticed this, however, if you feel the need to comment please read the ENTIRE F*CKING ARTICLE. This was written in response to and in the same (poor taste) style of a list for staffers. This was done intentionally. That means you Tony. I didn’t intend to single anyone out but you were the first of the responses that I read. I would venture to say that most people that had a negative reaction simple felt ousted for being guilty of something on the list. Actually, quite a few readily admitted such and were quick to defend themselves. No, I am not in the “industry” but I am quite capable of observing the publics tendency to treat other human beings as inferior simple because they are serving you.
How about you (not just you, all american restaurants) actually pay your staff a wage they can survive on? Strangely, restaurants in plenty of other countries manage to without going bust..