Garden Fuck-Up: What's the Dill?

Sorry, couldn”t help myself with that title. But seriously—what the hell is going on with my dill? Last year, I totally killed it. And I don”t mean “killed it” like hipsters mean it, as in, holy crap I just kicked ass and I”m amazing. I mean I literally. Totally. Killed it. After just two weeks.

This year I decided to plant it again, because of course I would do better. With one more year of gardening under my belt, my thumb one brighter shade of green, I planted my dill with full confidence that I would grow that sucker tall and strong. I”d have so much of the stuff I”d be mixing casino pa natet it in with carrots, pickling my cucumbers with it, and making “dill onion bread.” In just a few short weeks I might literally turn Greek from all the batches of yogurt I”d mix it with. By hipster definition, I”d kill it. But shortly after:

I killed it. Every other herb in my herb garden is flourishing, but this guy sent up brown, stiff, ugly little middle fingers sprouting from the dirt. What”s up with my dill? What am I doing wrong? Because I”m kind of salivating over that onion dill bread that I”ve yet to make, and the stubborn little garden gnome that lives inside my head won”t allow me to purchase dill from the grocery store. Any ideas?

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Garden Fuck-Up: Vine-Ripened Fail

In today’s installment of Garden Fuck-Ups I present to you the idea of the vine-ripened tomato.

I’ve been eye-balling that sucker for a week now in all its juicy green glory, waiting for the right time to pluck it off the vine, slice it, and enjoy it with some fresh mozzarella, balsamic vinegar, and fresh basil. Who knows, I might even get crazy and drizzle it with a bit of pesto. Sounds amazing, doesn’t it?

I went into the garden the other day and saw that said tomato was just showing the slightest hint of turning from green to red, but barely enough to notice. It was growing, and I stood there admiring it like a proud parent thinking of how far it had come. They grow up so fast, don’t they? I’d leave it for one more night to allow the color to turn just a bit more, since vine-ripened tomatoes taste sooooo good. It was going to be awesome.

The next day I approached the garden, basket in-hand, and smiled as I went to pull my prize from my tomato plant. I could already taste the caprese I had mentally sliced up and drizzled with oil. I reached around the fruit—and was suddenly bitch-slapped by Mother Nature. Apparently some unidentified garden pest had other plans for my tomato:

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The Cookie Dough-Lympics: Banana Almond Poppers

Banana Almond Poppers

Have you ever witnessed the “law of attraction” at work? Like when you think about something for a long time, dream it to be true, and then voila! it shows up at your front doorstep? Well, ladies and gentleman, all my years of wanting, wishing, and longing for have finally come to light—in the form of a book full of raw cookie dough recipes.

Before you go singing the salmonella symphony to me, let me explain: this cookie dough is egg-less. What does that mean, my friends?  It means that you can stick your head right into that bowl and nom you way to the bottom, worry-free. And thanks to Lindsay Landis, creator of this cookie dough recipe and book full of desserts to make with it, all of our lives have now been touched.

With this new cookbook ES has entered the “Cookie Dough-Lympics,” where we come up with our own recipes based around this egg-less delight. I sat down with the book while brainstorming ideas and found cakes, ice cream, souffles…you name it, Lindsay created it. In brainstorming for my own recipe I realized I wanted a yummy, easy to make, minimal-ingredient summer treat with this dough.  I want the kind of thing that is bite-size so I can munch with ease. I want the kind of thing I can make on a weeknight, store in the freezer, and grab whenever I need a frozen pick-me-up. And then it hit me: the Banana Almond Poppers were born.

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