Honky Tonk Princess
Fuck. So I’m back at work now. But at least I have these so-so photos from my iPhone to remember my looooong road trip from Atlanta to Hartsville to Nashville to Knoxville to Kingsport and back to DC. Let me walk you through my trip, via food, of course.
Toured World of Coca-Cola. (Atlanta)
I learned a few things. Sex in different language sells. Coke’s secret formula has nothing to do with taste. Chile’s Lift is the best soft drink in South America. I paid $45 for 80P, 80P’s Mom and me to be brainwashed into drinking Coke for the rest of our lives. And it was worth it.
Met a top chef. (Atlanta)
Met another top chef. (Atlanta)
Ate Sonic for the first time. (Somewhere off the highway in Monteagle, Tennessee)
Don’t worry. I didn’t eat that enormous chili cheese dog pictured above (80 did!). I try to avoid meat and fast food. Shockingly, though, the mozzarella sticks were awesome. And the black and white shake, even better. Actually, get this.
We all know what a black and white shake is, right? So I wake up drunk on New Years Day, giggle my ass off for an hour, start to feel crappy, head to a diner and try to order a milkshake on my way out. And my fucking server looks at me like I’m insane. She took a triple take. And she goes, “Um, like put them on top of each other?”
What the fuck? What would that even mean? I clearly did not order a milkshake from that establishment.
Toured a men’s bathroom. (Nashville)
Continuing on our Tennessee tour, 80P and I stopped to see Angie, a 2L at Vanderbilt. 80P, Angie, Michelle (another DC visitor) and I went to the adorable, funky and delicious mAmbu. Not only did I spot hunky Clark Gable on the wall, but this adorable series from a back in the day children’s book about food. Above is the first page and there were a few hysterical pages about fruit and meat. But also sad. It showed cows and pigs and chickens roaming around the grass, when we all know that 99% of our meat now comes from factory farming. Oh! The Good Ole Days!
As the chef/manager, Anita Hartel, helped us into our coats she started chatting with us and then somehow led us into the boys’ room. See above. She calls it the Golden Thrown. I’m pissing in my pants. Still.
Although don’t get me started on that honky tonk bar.
Denied bottled, fake butter. (Kingsport)
80P and I managed to drive through Knoxville without any food issues, thanks to the hospitality of 80’s cousin, cousin-in-law and adorable, um, what’s it called when your first cousin has a child? Second cousin? First cousin once removed?
Anyway, we landed in Kingsport just in time to miss both the Eagles and Duke game, but did manage to find something to eat at this late hour. I ordered the vegetable fajitas. My foil wrapped flour tortillas sat next to a large, blue, detergent-looking bottle, flipped up-side down. 80 and I let the server walk away before we exchanged glances and flipped the bottle over. Are you shitting me? An entire bottle of liquid “butter” for my fajitas? Amazing!
I didn’t use it. I dared 80 to try it but he wouldn’t. The rest of the food at La Carreta was pretty good.
And then we saw this on our way out.