Honky Tonk Princess

Fuck. So I’m back at work now. But at least I have these so-so photos from my iPhone to remember my looooong road trip from Atlanta to Hartsville to Nashville to Knoxville to Kingsport and back to DC. Let me walk you through my trip, via food, of course.

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Toured World of Coca-Cola. (Atlanta)

I learned a few things. Sex in different language sells. Coke’s secret formula has nothing to do with taste. Chile’s Lift is the best soft drink in South America. I paid $45 for 80P, 80P’s Mom and me to be brainwashed into drinking Coke for the rest of our lives. And it was worth it.


Met a top chef. (Atlanta)


Met another top chef. (Atlanta)


Ate Sonic for the first time. (Somewhere off the highway in Monteagle, Tennessee)

Don’t worry. I didn’t eat that enormous chili cheese dog pictured above (80 did!). I try to avoid meat and fast food. Shockingly, though, the mozzarella sticks were awesome. And the black and white shake, even better. Actually, get this.

We all know what a black and white shake is, right? So I wake up drunk on New Years Day, giggle my ass off for an hour, start to feel crappy, head to a diner and try to order a milkshake on my way out. And my fucking server looks at me like I’m insane. She took a triple take. And she goes, “Um, like put them on top of each other?”

What the fuck? What would that even mean? I clearly did not order a milkshake from that establishment.

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Toured a men’s bathroom. (Nashville)

Continuing on our Tennessee tour, 80P and I stopped to see Angie, a 2L at Vanderbilt.  80P, Angie, Michelle (another DC visitor) and I went to the adorable, funky and delicious mAmbu. Not only did I spot hunky Clark Gable on the wall, but this adorable series from a back in the day children’s book about food.  Above is the first page and there were a few hysterical pages about fruit and meat. But also sad. It showed cows and pigs and chickens roaming around the grass, when we all know that 99% of our meat now comes from factory farming. Oh! The Good Ole Days!

As the chef/manager, Anita Hartel,  helped us into our coats she started chatting with us and then somehow led us into the boys’ room. See above. She calls it the Golden Thrown. I’m pissing in my pants. Still.

Although don’t get me started on that honky tonk bar.


Denied bottled, fake butter. (Kingsport)

80P and I managed to drive through Knoxville without any food issues, thanks to the hospitality of 80’s cousin, cousin-in-law and adorable, um, what’s it called when your first cousin has a child? Second cousin? First cousin once removed?

Anyway, we landed in Kingsport just in time to miss both the Eagles and Duke game, but did manage to find something to eat at this late hour. I ordered the vegetable fajitas. My foil wrapped flour tortillas sat next to a large, blue, detergent-looking bottle, flipped up-side down. 80 and I let the server walk away before we exchanged glances and flipped the bottle over. Are you shitting me? An entire bottle of liquid “butter” for my fajitas? Amazing!

I didn’t use it. I dared 80 to try it but he wouldn’t. The rest of the food at La Carreta was pretty good.

And then we saw this on our way out.


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  • BS January 6, 2010  

    I can’t believe you didn’t even try the bottled butter! and wtf did she mean about the milk shake? Are milk and shakes two different things in dixie?

  • Tracy January 6, 2010  

    I was pretty up on all things food, but just had to google what a black and white shake was — “black and white” is chocolate syrup and vanilla ice cream. Well huh. I’ve always just called those chocolate shakes. A shake with chocolate ice cream and chocolate syrup is a double chocolate milkshake.

    Oh, and I’m a current resident of Nashville, but lived in NY for 2 years, so my ignorance can’t be totally a southern thing.

    And yes, Sonic’s mozzarella sticks are great!

  • dad gansie January 6, 2010  

    Also it has vanilla syrup. And still…. A Cousin

    what products did you get from your coke tour??

    Interesting trip. Can’t wait to talk about it

    thanks 80p & 80p mom taking care as well as putting up with gansie

  • LC January 6, 2010  

    First cousin once removed. Take it from someone with a huge and twisted family tree. Your kids and your first cousin’s kids are second cousins. That said, what do you do with a glow cross? Take it to a Jesus rave? Are raves sacriligious? are glow crosses? I want one.

  • Eick January 6, 2010  

    Welcome to the world of those of us that have finally tried Sonic. I joined the ranks in early November.

  • Very Very Good Girl January 6, 2010  

    Going to Sonic was on of the fun things to do visiting the grandparents where I think it was the only fast-food place in town. Great Limeades…though it makes me cold just thinking about it now. So I’m not against liquid butter (again fond memories of poolside grilling as a kid) but wtf purpose does it serve on veg fajitas?

  • Jeb January 7, 2010  

    Are you sure it was liquid butter? Sometimes in the south, we reuse bottles and put something else in there. For example, at the best BBQ place in Chapel Hill ( Allen & Sons), they use old ketchup bottles to hold their homemade BBQ sauce.

    As for the Black and White milkshake…I would venture that most southerners know what they are. Just because we’re southern doesn’t mean we’re milkshake ignorant 🙂

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