March Madness: America’s Top 10 Drunk College Foods

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With the NCAA basketball tournament tipping off this afternoon, America’s brightest young minds are poised to spend the next month doing what they do best: getting drunk and yelling at television screens. When all the blood, sweat, tears – and beer – are swept off the court, the nation’s 18 million college students will be left in search of one thing: some grease to soak it all up.

While you were finalizing your bracket picks, Endless Simmer carefully evaluated the tournament field to compile this list of the tournament’s Top 10 Colleges – ranked by the drunk food they have to offer their hungry, hungry students. Eat that, U.S. News and World Report.

10. University of Wisconsin – Mac ‘n Cheese Pizza
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Photo: J&J Blog

Oh maaaan, I need some pizza. Cheesy pizza. Mmmm, cheese. No, wait, I want mac and cheese. Oooh! Pizza with mac and cheese on top! That’s what I want.

If you have ever said or heard a statement like this, you are almost certainly a drunk college student. Also, you probably live in Wisconsin.

The Badgers may have been dissed by the selection committee (29-4 can’t get you a no #2 seed??) but Wisconsin never was as good at sports as they are at creative use of cheese. Madison drunks flock to Ian’s Pizza for this gooey, magnificent creation that just couldn’t come from any other state.

9. Rutgers – Fat Darell
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Photo: AP

Don Imus’ not-so-favorite team is back in the women’s tourney as a Number 2 seed, while the Rutgers men were sent packing after a miserable season at the bottom of the Big East.

But don’t feel too bad for the Scarlet Knights – they can always console themselves back on campus with a Jersey summer full of Fat Darrells, a behemoth of a sandwich that solves the drunk’s eternal dilemma of “Do I want chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, or French fries?”

The answer: a resounding “all three,” piled high on a sub role and topped off with marinara sauce. I’d tell you more about it but I’m a little short of breath and I feel a painful shooting sensation in my arm.

8. Purdue – The Duane Purvis All-American
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Photo: Flick User Horsepj

You can be forgiven if you didn’t know the name of Purdue’s All-American half-back/full-back from their undefeated 1932 football team. But you should damn well know the burger that bears his name.

The Triple XXX Family Restaurant in West Lafayette, Indiana serves up this decidedly unwholesome Boilermaker classic: 100% sirloin patty with lettuce, tomato, pickle, Spanish onions, and….wait for it…peanut butter. Only a drunk or Elvis – perhaps only a drunk Elvis – could fully appreciate this brilliance.

7. University of San Diego – Filiberto’s Carne Asada Burrito
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Photo: Flickr user buckofive

The San Diego Toreros may not be a household name – in fact, if you google the phrase University of San Diego team, the first hit is the school’s mock trial club. Scroll down to the bottom of the results page to find the bball squad, who shocked favorites Gonzaga and St. Mary’s to steal the WCC title and a berth in the big dance this year.

But that’s not what has these young fellows so excited; they’re just pumped up about this steak-filled beauty. USD students have shown the dirt cheap, gigantic burritos from Filiberto’s so much love that the chain has expanded to towns throughout Cali and Arizona, but U Study Drunk loyalists still swear by the original.

6. University of Pittsburgh – The South Side Slope
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Photo: Roadfood.com

For some reason, Polish cuisine has never quite caught on in the United States. And that reason is the simple fact that it doesn’t come between two slices of bread.

Pitt saloon Fatheads has a solution to this problem, and its name is the South Side Slope. A giant kielbasa topped with fried pierogies, grilled onions, American cheese and something called horsey sauce. Don’t ask, just eat.

Next: Top 5¬†America’s Top Drunk College Foods

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62 thoughts on “March Madness: America’s Top 10 Drunk College Foods

  1. El Rancho in Columbia, Missouri has an almost two foot burrito that the drunks, including myself, love to put down after penny pitchers or quarter drafts.

  2. Filibertos is the best drunk college food around. Open 24 hours EVERY DAY. Each one also comes with the coolest late night guys.

  3. Nice article. I’m getting pretty hungry looking at some of those disgusting pictures…

    BTW, a group of friends and I recently launched our own college foodzine–http://www.aneasyspread.com . Feel free to stop on by or submit an article!

  4. Come to Canada. Specifically Nova Scotia.
    We are the masters of the two following cocepts that WILL change your drunk eating world:

    1. Donairs. A Halifax Donair is similar to a normal doner kebab, with a spiced ground beef loaf that is cooked on a spit and shaved off in simultaneously crunchy and chewy slices and served in a pita with tomatoes and onions. The secret, however, is in the sweet evaporated milk-based garlic sauce. Any true Haligonian donair will be so soaked in sauce that attempts to pick it up will be fruitless… but we try anyway. Variations on the Halifax donair: Donair pizza, with the sauce served on the side (cheese, donair meet, tomatoes, onions, no sauce.), donair egg rolls (an egg roll casing stuffed with donair meat), donair calzones/panzerottis, and donair poutine (french fries topped with cheese curds, donair meat and donair sauce).

    Not a very good photo, but close to a Halifax Donair: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wS-GeC25iVk/RZsW5ClgeTI/AAAAAAAAAFg/IRh2HlGAPAc/s320/donair.jpg
    Donair pizza: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2191/1519928005_22cf8c5636.jpg

    2. Garlic fingers. Garlic fingers are a solely Atlantic Canadian dish. They are found in pizza shops, like the donair, and similar in shape, size and construction. The dough is normal pizza dough, infused with garlic, and then topped with melted butter, garlic and cheese. Occasionally, pizza shops will include bacon if you ask. It is cut into thin rectangular strips, ‘fingers,’ and is is often eaten as a side dish with pizza. We dip them in the same yummy sauce that we put on our donairs, and many people even like to dip their pizza in this sticky sweet sauce. Afsgmhaejthkaemtgbf. I want some now and I’m not even drunk.

    Garlic fingers: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3241/2617365156_9482146f7f.jpg

    Eat your heart out, America! (literally. Come to Nova Scotia right now and I will get drunk with you and we will eat until our hearts fall out.)

  5. Anyone who has been to Western NY knows “garbage plate” like the back of their hand. It is the official drunk college meal d’jour.
    This should spread to all states.

  6. I can’t believe Miami of Ohio’s “Clinton” didn’t make this list… a megapacked grilled cheese with a piece of pizza logged between two pieces of bread. It may be the single-out source of midwestern college obesity.

  7. Um, in Pittsburgh, I think you should’ve put a Primanti Bro’s sandwich.. It’s amazing drunk food.. beer sponges, to be precise.

  8. Hey, I enjoy this site and I know this article is super old…

    But “fratboys and sorostitutes”? Seriously, the males in that (sexist, degrading, laughable) system are so much worse than the ladies, can we hate on them instead?

  9. – that former comment contains the slightest misquote…

    but it’s negligible and the point is still valid.

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