March Madness: America’s Top 10 Drunk College Foods

5. Clemson – The Super Taco Cuban Torta
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Photo: Link

You might assume these fine young ladies and gentlemen are exited about the Clemson Tigers’ stunning upset of Duke in the ACC tournament, but actually, they just ordered Cuban tortas from campus fave Super Taco. I know what you’re saying – a taco place makes Cuban sandwiches? This doesn’t sound very genuine to me. Well stuff it, because genuine is not much of a concern when you are putting an effing hot dog on a Cuban sandwich.

The only thing this bad boy has in common with the o.g. Cuban is bread. A crapload of seasoned pork and ham is topped with a wiener for the least Kosher sandwich of all time. In case that’s not enough fat content for you, this monstrosity comes complete with sour cream, and just for good measure, lettuce and tomato.

4. Long Island University at Brooklyn – Something Different
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Photo: A very drunk ES commenter

OK Fine, LIU-Brooklyn isn’t in the tournament this year. But they were the cinderella team a few years back, if I remember correctly.

And they are also the only school with the good sense to locate their campus across the street from Junior’s – the legendary Brooklyn institution that is home to a sandwich so genius it just might make bread obsolete.

The “Something Different” consists of two oversize potato latkes encasing a pile of beef brisket, served with both au jus and apple sauce, for the messiest dipping experience of your life. It’s glorious.

3. University of California at Berkeley – Lothlorien Food Orgy
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Photo: College OTR

Lest you think drunken munching is limited to meat-eaters, Berkeley’s bacchanalian vegetarians are standing by to prove you wrong. The all-vegetarian Lothlorien House throws an annual festival of food and love so outrageous that it makes Big Ten frat blowouts look like children’s birthday parties. And the tasty treat in question is, um, you…and the girl next to you…and her sister…and her boyfriend…all covered in chocolate.

Documented details of this mythical rite are both scarce and seductive:

bottomless jugs of wine

as articles of clothing drop, out comes melted chocolate, which gets poured upon everyone

average hookups per person can reach double digits

my armpit hair is all chocolated…must shower now.

Personally, I prefer a party with fewer mentions of pubic hair, but it sure sounds like a drunken, tasty good time.

2. Georgetown/American University – Jumbo Slice
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Photo: Selidadsullivan

DC’s sizable fratboy and sorostitute population spend weekend evenings trolling the Adams Morgan nightlife/meat market scene, and no 18th Street bar crawl is complete without a 3 a.m stop for the legendary jumbo slice of pizza.

An actually-bigger-than-your-head mess of flimsy crust, oily cheese and cheap tomato sauce, this is one slice of pizza that couldn’t possibly look appetizing to anyone who has consumed fewer than a dozen beers. But if the timing – and alcohol consumption – is just right, jumbo slice is heaven on a paper plate (two plates, actually).

1. University of Georgia – The Luther Burger
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Photo: Texas Burger Guy

The Atlanta metro area is a bastion of larger-than-life, Southern-fried deliciousness. But there’s one food that gives the Bulldogs a leg up on the 63 other teams in the big dance. As the sole tournament team from the Peach State, they’re the only students within driving (designated, please) distance of Mulligan’s Tavern, home to the original Luther Burger.

According to legend, the sandwich was created by the late great Luther Vandross, but the simple genius of the Luther Burger means you can assemble one anywhere in the country for your own drunken, sports-watching enjoyment. There are just four easy steps:

1- Slice a Krispy Kreme donut in half.

2- Grill the donut.

3- Place a delicious bacon cheeseburger in between your grilled donut bun.

4- Eat.

Next: #10 – 6 America’s Top Drunk College Foods

Impressed by that? How about all 68 NCAA March Madness teams ranked by their best drunk college food?

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62 comments

  • ZOU June 29, 2009  

    El Rancho in Columbia, Missouri has an almost two foot burrito that the drunks, including myself, love to put down after penny pitchers or quarter drafts.

  • Aaron Fitz July 4, 2009  

    Filibertos is the best drunk college food around. Open 24 hours EVERY DAY. Each one also comes with the coolest late night guys.

  • Sports Picks September 10, 2009  

    Wisconsin has all the best late night food, props for a great blog post

  • Josh October 22, 2009  

    Nice article. I’m getting pretty hungry looking at some of those disgusting pictures…

    BTW, a group of friends and I recently launched our own college foodzine–http://www.aneasyspread.com . Feel free to stop on by or submit an article!

  • freeroll November 10, 2009  

    Ahh, the best food when you feel “like that” 🙂

  • Courtney November 29, 2009  

    Come to Canada. Specifically Nova Scotia.
    We are the masters of the two following cocepts that WILL change your drunk eating world:

    1. Donairs. A Halifax Donair is similar to a normal doner kebab, with a spiced ground beef loaf that is cooked on a spit and shaved off in simultaneously crunchy and chewy slices and served in a pita with tomatoes and onions. The secret, however, is in the sweet evaporated milk-based garlic sauce. Any true Haligonian donair will be so soaked in sauce that attempts to pick it up will be fruitless… but we try anyway. Variations on the Halifax donair: Donair pizza, with the sauce served on the side (cheese, donair meet, tomatoes, onions, no sauce.), donair egg rolls (an egg roll casing stuffed with donair meat), donair calzones/panzerottis, and donair poutine (french fries topped with cheese curds, donair meat and donair sauce).

    Not a very good photo, but close to a Halifax Donair: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wS-GeC25iVk/RZsW5ClgeTI/AAAAAAAAAFg/IRh2HlGAPAc/s320/donair.jpg
    Donair pizza: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2191/1519928005_22cf8c5636.jpg

    2. Garlic fingers. Garlic fingers are a solely Atlantic Canadian dish. They are found in pizza shops, like the donair, and similar in shape, size and construction. The dough is normal pizza dough, infused with garlic, and then topped with melted butter, garlic and cheese. Occasionally, pizza shops will include bacon if you ask. It is cut into thin rectangular strips, ‘fingers,’ and is is often eaten as a side dish with pizza. We dip them in the same yummy sauce that we put on our donairs, and many people even like to dip their pizza in this sticky sweet sauce. Afsgmhaejthkaemtgbf. I want some now and I’m not even drunk.

    Garlic fingers: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3241/2617365156_9482146f7f.jpg

    Eat your heart out, America! (literally. Come to Nova Scotia right now and I will get drunk with you and we will eat until our hearts fall out.)

  • Steph December 11, 2009  

    Anyone who has been to Western NY knows “garbage plate” like the back of their hand. It is the official drunk college meal d’jour.
    This should spread to all states.

  • Pingback: America’s Top 10 New Sandwiches January 20, 2011  
  • MU Grad April 19, 2011  

    I can’t believe Miami of Ohio’s “Clinton” didn’t make this list… a megapacked grilled cheese with a piece of pizza logged between two pieces of bread. It may be the single-out source of midwestern college obesity.

  • autumn July 3, 2011  

    Um, in Pittsburgh, I think you should’ve put a Primanti Bro’s sandwich.. It’s amazing drunk food.. beer sponges, to be precise.

  • Matthew April 5, 2012  

    Hey, I enjoy this site and I know this article is super old…

    But “fratboys and sorostitutes”? Seriously, the males in that (sexist, degrading, laughable) system are so much worse than the ladies, can we hate on them instead?

  • Matthew April 5, 2012  

    – that former comment contains the slightest misquote…

    but it’s negligible and the point is still valid.

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