Rants & Raves -

by Emily

Ho Ho Ho, Here Comes Santa Claus… Melon

We all know I have a strange and deep love affair with melon and love discovering new varieties. Well, I’m BACK with another wonderful summertime discovery: the Santa Claus melon.

What? Santa? In June? Yep. Apparently it’s also called a Christmas melon because it lasts forever, from when it’s ripe in the summer “until Christmastime” according to produce lore (yes, “produce lore”—although I’d love to see if that statement is actually true given our sizzling hot Texas summers). It did keep in the fridge for about a month, I’ll give it that much – we found this guy at our local Central Market several weeks ago and them forgot about him until the other night, when I was digging through the bottom of a drawer in the fridge.

Anyway, this Santa can’t tell if you’ve been naughty or nice, but it can delight your tastebuds. While it kinda looks like a watermelon on the outside, it’s actually from the cantaloupe family and has a similar texture and goopy center of seed pods. I would kind of call it… a honeydew plus cantaloupe combo, super juicy and soft (but not in a gross, mealy way).

If you see a Santa Claus melon at your grocery store or farmers market, don’t be intimidated. Take it home and get into the holiday spirit. I just ate it plain but it would be great with some prosciutto and feta, maybe a little mint… okay, too many good ideas, I need to pick up another one!

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by snebbu

Burns My Bacon: There’s Only ONE Way to SAY Reese’s

Rees-IS vs. Rees-EES

One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong. Which is it? I have had many a conversation/debate regarding the proper pronunciation of the peanut-butter-touted brand Reese’s.I’ve provided my phonetic pronunciations above, so from now on I will refer to “Rees-IS” as the correct/right way and “Rees-EES” as the incorrect/wrong way. I’m sure many of you are offended already. That just means you are wrong.

This is not like those debates of the pronunciation of “Mature” (ma-chur vs. ma-tour) or the word “Tear” (tare vs. teer). We can discuss the different pronunciations and meanings of these words, but there are a couple of differences between these words and our delicious peanut butter friend Reese’s. First, there is only one meaning to the word Reese’s—peanut butter and chocolate. Second, the words “mature” and “tear” have little to nothing to do with food compared with the word Reese’s. We are, after all, committed to food, right?

So here’s the evidence.

Burns My Bacon: Running Out of Sour Cream (FOR YOUR BURRITO)

What’s hip these days? Eating (and saying) “fro yo,” craft beer, and “fresh” fast food. I’m already sold on craft beer, will never say “fro yo”, and occasionally I will buy into getting some fast food that is “fresh.” So, this past weekend the girlfriend and I stopped at Chipotle on the way home from the shore rather than a burger place.

Got myself a pork burrito loaded with the pleasantries and of course—wanted sour cream on my pork-stuffed tortilla pocket. But guess what? The burrito artisan behind the counter said “we’re all out.” We’re all out—of sour cream—at Chipotle— for my made to order burrito. I’m sorry, usually there is some sort of tub of sour cream in the fridge ready to go for every other damn customer that asks for sour cream on their burrito.

Fine, I figured I could wait the extra two seconds (you know, because it’s FAST fresh food) for them to get the new tub of sour cream. So I told her I’ll wait. Her response: “Oh, sorry sir, we need to make some more.” Oh, that makes sense. I figured you had a couple of cows in the back of the store ripe for milking, and some other cream curdling away, ready to officially become sour cream. Because, that’s not only fresh, but also so quick – to MAKE sour cream. Are you kidding me?

Of all things…sour cream. Now I’m wondering why they keep the tomatoes, lettuce, onions, and other veggies aside in the fridge rather than in their private garden in the back by the cows. Shouldn’t those be just as “fresh” as the sour cream? Where are the pigs, cows and chickens they slaughter? Where is the butcher? And what about the tortillas? I see them pulled out of packages – some dude can easily make the tortillas on the spot!

Well, at least the sour cream is fresh.

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by Emily

Fake Plastic Mason Jars

Okay, what… is this? I know that mason jars are ultra-popular right now, and I support it. Full disclosure: I’m actually drinking some juice out of a mason jar right now as I write this. I swear it was unintentional. At least I live in the south, which I feel makes my mason jar drinking somewhat authentic?

Anyway, whatever. They’re good to use for drinking when you have a lot of liquid that you want to drink out of a wide-mouthed glass receptacle. Some people think they’re too hipster and some people don’t. All this is fine, and I don’t really care. But as I said in the beginning: what… IS THIS?!

Now mason jars are so popular that we can’t even take the time to buy real ones, we need to stock up on plastic ones in the beverage aisle at the grocery store? Here’s a secret: you can pick up mason jars and other “vintage” looking canning gear of all shapes and sizes for about $2-4 at your local craft store or kitchen goods shop. You do NOT need to be spending $10 on one plastic jug with a built-in straw. Yeah, they advertise that they’re BPA-free, but guess what, SO IS GLASS, which is what the original jars are made out of.

Look at these ones. Complete with fake metal lid. So stylish. So perfect for your picnic. Much better than the original glass. Probably worth the $10. Everything I just typed in this paragraph has been sarcastic. The only reason I could see someone needing one of these is if they planned on drinking so much booze out of a mason jar that they’re afraid they’d drop a glass one and shatter it everywhere, but even then, dude, just drink out of a normal keg cup like the rest of us.

Ugh.

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by Miss K

Burns my Bacon: Unscratchable Itch

I love my food processor. In my opinion, it is one of thing things Every Kitchen Needs. My food processor is of the 9-cup Kitchenaid variety, and I use it at least twice a week, for everything from peanut sauce to pizza dough. My life as a coleslaw maker was changed the day I first used the food processor to shred cabbage. The fact that I could come up with three food processor-related previous posts off the top of my head should tell you something about my love for this ten-ton appliance.

Why, then, if everything else about it is so great, did they make it so freaking hard to clean? Ugh. It’s seriously enough to make a girl consider mixing her pizza dough by hand.

Just kidding.

But barely.

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by Emily

Burns My Bacon: Chipolte vs Chipotle

Okay… as a society, we should be past this faux pas by now. (Note: this is a sign in one of the best seafood restaurants/markets in central Texas.)

There’s a national chain called Chipotle.

Chipotle flavored and infused condiments and sauces can be found on all sorts of menus.

For the love of all things delicious, Jack in the Box even made a commercial focused on this very topic years ago!

It’s not some exotic, indecipherable foreign word at this point.

And yet… and YET…

CHIPOLTE! It’s everywhere! Why can’t people spell or say the name of this smoky, sweet pepper? It’s borderline insulting at this point. If I want to get really depressed, I just check out the hashtag #chipolte on Twitter because there’s always tons of results. What gives? How can we educate everyone without sounding snobby? Is there even such a thing as a chipotle snob? Should I just give up on life and stop caring about things like this? So many questions, yet no answers.

Chipolte. Sigh.

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by Emily

Restaurant Seating: the Ultimate Musical Chairs

Welp, here’s my favorite thing I’ve found on the internet all day. Choosing the Right Seat: How not to get stuck next to someone that sucks is a delightful infographic (if we’re using the term “infographic” loosely) by San Francisco designer Alex Cornell. His observations and advice are spot on. If you are in a two-table large dinner situation, you’re basically 100% cursed to sit at the sucky table next to the boring people who aren’t drinking. It’s the Murphy’s Law of dining out in big groups.

You can check out the full-size graphic here.

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