Rants & Raves -

by Katt Kasper

There’s a Lot at Steak

Guys, this column is for your eyes only so all you broads out there who stumbled onto this thinking that they might pick up a cool recipe or cooking tip can just stop reading now. This is intended for the Bros and not the Hos, so gals Google Jimmy Choo and we’ll see ya later…

They gone?….Alright then. Dudes, we’ve gotta unite. Time is definitely running out and ours is the last generation before the unthinkable so I’m talkin’ all in and balls out on this one! I’ll get right to the point:

We’ve gotta get the girls to stop eating our meat.

You heard me. Some of you guys love to shove it in their mouth anytime they ask for it but I’m telling ya, you’ve gotta start thinking about the rest of us here. This planet ain’t getting’ any bigger and with the way that the world population keeps growing, things aren’t looking good for us Male Meat Meisters. You’ve gotta face the hard facts and accept that Mother Earth has topped out on cattle production, i.e., those four legged steak factories. The world’s bovine fart chart is way in the red and it seems that methane and the ozone get along about as well as Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell, and we ain’t getting’ anymore cows but we’re gaining a bunch‘a new meat eaters everyday.

by ML

Burns My Bacon: Corn Flakes Crumbs

Since food has been “trendy” for the past few years, I feel like there’s now a product there that does everything. I don’t really subscribe to the gadget theory but I understand that some people see the appeal of a microwave egg poacher or an avocado slicer. But you know what isn’t okay? Products that aren’t actually different products.

The other day I was browsing every aisle of the grocery store, because it had started torrentially downpouring outside while I was inside (sans umbrella), and I came across these. Cornflake crumbs. Mmmm hmm. Just in case you are too lazy to take a bag of corn flakes and a) sit on it b) give it to your kids to smash with a baseball bat, or c) roll a bag of corn flakes with a rolling pin, you can buy this product for $3.79. I thought maybe I was missing something, so I went to the Kellogg’s website to search for a product description. Here it is: “Corn cereal crumbs.” It is LITERALLY, literally, another product that already exists, just crushed up.

I don’t know what I’m more angry about. The fact that manufacturers are making this product, or that there are people supporting the cause.

What. The. Fuck.

in Rants & Raves 1 comments

by ES Guest

Top 10 Strategies for Opening a Restaurant With Your Spouse

These days, it seems every young couple from Brooklyn to Bolivia dreams of quitting their day job and opening at cute little restaurant with their significant o. But as anyone who has done so will tell you, it can end up feeling less like a culinary honeymoon than a fast-track to divorce court. Guest blogger Megan Sullivan joins ES to share these top 10 tips for opening a restaurant with your spouse and not driving each other insane.

It’s common knowledge that a partnership is a lot like a marriage, but what if it is a marriage? Your business partner can be your other half, but there are some things you may want to consider. If you’re dreaming of running a restaurant with your spouse, follow this handy guide to make sure you meet your goals without destroying your relationship.

1. Put your partnership in writing. Just because you’re in love, doesn’t mean you’re going to love working with your significant other. Draft a very clear partnership agreement.

in Lists / Rants & Raves / Restaurants / Top 10 Lists 2 comments

by Katt Kasper

‘Lite’ At the End of the Tunnel

I’m faced with a dilemma; I live in a land of unbelievable bounty and choice, where an unlimited supply of fresh, affordable and tantalizing food options are available to me 24 hours a day, every day. My car has been transformed into an International Travel Pod, where once exotic and labor-intensive meals and delicacies are now just an arms-length away from my driver’s side window. I merely have to voice my meal mandate out loud in front of a brightly colored menu board full of photographic representations of my deepest food desires. Why, I can even ‘supersize’ my choices, all while sitting comfortably behind the wheel listening to the harmonic melodies of my own choosing.

Up ahead a smiling face awaits at an open window delicately holding my expertly prepared and lovingly wrapped meal, which they conveniently stowed in a festive paper bag. After a quick monetary exchange I’m handed my culinary travel clutche and a tall, cool waxed paper vat of sweet, sweet liquid. “Adios” I reply to my Spanish compadre-in-white. And even before I can merge into traffic my fingers are seeking out one of those golden fried sticks of masterly salted carbohydrates and starch.

Ah, yes. What’s a fat bastard to do?

Man, I am pathetic! I don’t remember what happened to me and my relationship with food but at some point I totally bought in to the slogans and catch phrases that tell me I deserved it, I’m worth it and that it tastes soooo good! A 1220-calorie Deluxe Breakfast? “I’m loving it!” A 1090-calorie Mesquite Chicken sub? “Mmmm…toasty!” A 590-calorie pack of French fries? “It’s Way Better Than Fast Food!”

I’m to the point now where I call my bib overalls my ‘skinny jeans.’

So it’s back to the lighter fare in this column. I know that it’s not what you eat but how much you eat, however that doesn’t help when I’m making a meal and it turns out so good that before I know it I’m eating it right out of the serving dish and I look up to see my dinner guests sitting around the table staring at me in disbelief. (My friends call it ‘Dinner and a Show!’)

So here it is ESers; a tasty low-cal meal that’s healthy and good for you. Just remember, this serves 6. That doesn’t mean dinner in 6 acts, it means dinner for 6 people or 6 different meals. Just do as I say and not as I do and you’ll be squeezing back into your XXLs in no time! Enjoy.

Katt’s “Now That’s Using Your Noodle” Udon bowl

in Rants & Raves / Recipe 0 comments

by snebbu

It’s All a Matter of Principle…or Quarters

CATASTROPHE. WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. MADNESS! That’s right folks…I’ve been challenged yet again by the man. It’s almost as if I’m looking for him…Anyway, I made a decision based on principle last night to fight the man while out to dinner with some friends. However, the decision sparked a high level of discussion. Which is why I pose these two questions to you:

(a) is 50 cents too much for Ranch dressing at a restaurant? and

(b) is saying “does that make sense” to a waitress demeaning?

Here’s the evidence (from the only side—the RIGHT side). May it please the court of public opinion…

Myself and four other co-workers/friends appear at a well-known brew-pub in our area for a hand-crafted meal and hand-crafted beers. I order a “Smokey BBQ Chicken” wrap. The food comes in a timely manner as we’re enjoying our craft brews and everything looks great. I take a bite into my wrap and it is tasty. And a little spicy, which was expected, but spicier than I thought. I decided to ask for a small cup of ranch dressing to balance out the spice (about 2 oz. is what the table determined was served to me).

in Rants & Raves / Restaurants 5 comments

by snebbu

An Unsolicited Response: Natty Light over YUENGLING?!

Deadspin put together a ranking 36 “cheap” beers. I saw the link floating around on the facebook and expected to see rankings of natural light and other similar beers. Well, they were there, but many of them were ranked as better beers than Yuengling. Imagine my dismay and heartache, evolving into rage and over-reaction (I’ll admit it – maybe sometimes I over-react, but typically I’m known to be very rational). What the hell? Why would someone put Yuengling in the same category as big beers Coors, Miller, and Bud and even worse – rank it lower than even Natty Light, Stroh”s, Busch Light and yes – even Natural Light? My left eyebrow immediately jerked up in judgemental consternation. So, that being said, you will find my response below. Quick disclaimer: by now you should know me to be extremely sarcastic and at times, a bit of an ass. But still – come on mang, listing Yuengling (one of the PRIDES of Pennsylvania) as a crappy-ass beer tasting worse than piss beers like Natty Light?! Okay, here it is:

Dear Self-Righteous Cambridge Boy,

‘At-a-boy on the article regarding cheap beer. I find it very useful to know which of the cheap beers taste the best. Except for one thing – if I’m buying a cheap beer and they ALL taste like nothing or less than that, aren’t I getting the cheapest 30 case I can find? Nevermind the lack of insight in the dumping upon all American-made cheap beers, the fact that there is not a threshold of what “cheap” is and isn’t anymore, or whether or not it even matters which is the best of the cheapest beers. What we’re really concerned with is your bias against Yuengling and all things Pennsylvania.

I’m glad you at least admitted (in your Cambridge attitude) that you were wrong about Yuengling. I’ll give you a hand here and help explain why. It’s quite simple, actually – taste and price. The fact that you can taste anything at all makes a big difference; maybe by the time you tasted the Yuengling (if you did taste each), you had no taste left. When I (and most people) taste a Yuengling Lager, we taste the light sweetness of the malts with a distinct bitterness of the hops. Finally, you can taste a difference between a piss-brewed bud light and ANY other “cheap” lager. I don’t want to go too chemistry on you, but you see, lagers are fermented from the bottom, with different yeasties in a cooler temperature – giving the distinct flavor a lager. Yuengling’s mastered this more-so than bud and others. Just take a look at the distinct color of the Yuengling compared to the piss-color of…just about all of the other beers you mention. Maybe the bitterness of the hops was too much for your Cambridge palate? Or they serve Grain Belt Premium at your bar, and that is your go-to beer?

in Drinks / Lists / Rants & Raves 2 comments

by Katt Kasper

Burns My Bacon: Eat it, Bitch!

As you may have ascertained from the title of this piece (or perhaps you’ve read some of my previous blogs), I’m not too concerned with being ‘politically correct.’ In my small circle of animal loving, hybrid driving, “We Are the World” group of friends, I’m considered somewhat of a jerk.

I’m regularly referred to as a ‘Neanderthal’, ‘clueless’ and ‘barbaric’ whenever I’m asked to give my opinion regarding the latest food trends. Lately I’ve been defending my “hands off” attitude toward obtaining certain background information about my meals. Why should I apologize for caring more about how my veal was prepared than how it was raised? After all, it’s one of the perks about being at the top of the food chain. I don’t care how you slaughtered my lunch just don’t over cook it!

I don’t mean to sound cruel but I’m a carnivore without a conscience. If my chicken dinner is going to cost an additional ten bucks because it’s “free range” then just give me the common bird that was raised in a pen resembling a Tokyo subway car during rush hour. Believe me, once it’s battered and fried I could care less about its childhood.

And regardless of what my friends may say, my dinner isn’t more enjoyable when I know that the tuna is ‘dolphin safe,’ or what local farm my steak came from. Taste is my top-deciding factor when I’m planning my next meal option. Cost comes in a close second.

in Personal / Rants & Raves / Trends 2 comments