Honoring Abe Over Elixirs


I’m honestly like the most patriotic person I know. Because do you know how I celebrated the birth of our founding fathers? Okay, fine. Wasn’t a tough one. I drank. I took my day off and got silly drunk.

A bunch of people went out on Sunday night (and it happened to be a regular’s birthday and the whole bar was treated to ice cream and cake so of course I was super pumped. And then it was THE GROSSEST ice cream of all time. Like some macadamia/coconut shit. UGH! So yes, there is such a thing as free, bad ice cream. This is where you imagine the long lines at B&J free cone day.) Okay, so Sunday night and I’m asking who is around tomorrow. Even though this is DC, the holy land of government rule, some people actually had to work.

Not Tim and Alice.


Monday, early afternoon, I filled my bag with presidential supplies: vodka, lemon, tamarind juice, lime, mango, avocado, Thai red chile/chili/pepper, tomato juice, tangerine, pineapple juice and potato chips. And Alice, being semi-responsible and working on a logo, sipped wine spritzer, which left the dirty work to me and Tim:

Round One and Two: Bloody Mary. Lots of horseradish, mandatory worcestershire and maybe too much Thai heat. Old Bay rim.

Round Three and Four: Tropical Sloppy Bleep Bleep (we will not be asking Tim to name cocktails again).

Cocktail making and baking are similar in many ways, but my least favorite way is its reliance on correct proportions. Correct proportions, not my strong point. So here are the ingredients and approximate guesses. How many ounces is a shot again?


Tropical Sloppy Bleep Bleep

Blend: one diced mango (reserve a bit) with a few splashes of aperol (type of apertif, it’s complicated), enough silver rum to make four drinks, most of a can of tamarind juice, squeeze of lime, one banana and a couple handfuls of ice.

Garnish with dried mint, strawberry (I know, it’s deceiving that it’s used as a garnish but isn’t used in the drink, but go with it. This is round three, you know) and mango. Tim tried to top it with a drop of Greek yogurt, but it sunk to the bottom. So don’t do that.

Find more cocktail recipes in Endless Cocktails

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