Bed, Bath & Binge
OMG! THE PHILLIES WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!
Anyway, um, is this, or is this not, the worst kitchen supply store cover advertisement of all time. Most of the time, I find it an absolute joy to browse the cook’s corner of Bed Bath & Beyond (see DAD GANSIE and my mom’s Chanukah credit card bill.) But, this cover – different story. Now, I was only a Communications minor, but I can tell you that this ad screams of mixed messages and eating disorders. I was also a Women and Gender Studies minor.
Let’s break it down.
Top Left / Buffet Server
There’s no possible way a home cook needs this. Who eats this much food?!?! This is such an unnecessary purchase, unless of course, you’re serving the entire team of the WORLD CHAMPION PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES at your Thanksgiving dinner. Now, let’s talk about what’s pictured. Yucky, soft carrots with, um, sliced onion over top. No. A soggy mess. Asparagus with mustard / hollandaise over top. No. Asparagus is a spring vegetable and should not be promoted for Thanksgiving or other winter holidays. And stuffed mushroom. Well, I can’t argue. We always serve some sort of stuffed mushroom app. Basically, this device is a red alert for over indulging. (Which, I’m not usually against for Tgiving, but in this ad – yes.)
Top Right / Chafing Dish
Another totally unnecessary purchase that is really just tacky looking. And what’s inside. Sliced turkey splashed with jarred gravy and garnished with cherries? Guess they’re taking the fruit cue from the ritzy mags. I still don’t buy it. Oh, I punned! Or wait, is that not a pun? Whatever. Not my strong point.
Bottom Left / 3 Step Server
So, I’m not really offended by the tiered plates. Sure, it takes up a lot of room, but I can actually see a habitual host using this at year-round shindigs. I know I’m always on the look out for appetizer plates. This may be a little generic for me, but I think it’s pretty classy. And for the desserts, I can’t guess what these clearly store bought creations are supposed to be. I will tell you, I’m not intrigued. Especially all the pink that’s going on. Pink is not appetizing. Well, this pink isn’t too bad.
Bottom Right / Bodyfat Scale
I shit you not. A scale on the cover is bad enough, but inside it is literally labeled: Bodyfat Scale. And, of course, there is a delicate, white woman weighing herself and the machine screams out “UH-OH.” Yes, that is the EXACT message we should send this holiday season. EAT AND EAT AND EAT and BUY the BIGGEST serving platters you can find and won’t ever need again (perfect for this economy!) and then after you’ve rightly enjoyed the holiday season with friends, family and food, you—a woman—should definitely feel bad about yourself and immediately weigh yourself.
Is this why America is so fat? Where is the moderation? Where are the people eating responsibly? No, it’s just massive amounts of food and then shameful, fatty guilt. Binge eating. Bring on the scale. Repeat.
Happy Holidays, from your neighborhood Bed, Bath & Binge.