Tricks of the Trade: Filthy Fruit

With crazy things happening like people dying from cantaloupe, you can’t be too careful with your produce. The best option is to grow it yourself, or buy it locally. The next best option is to buy organic…especially when it comes to the Dirty Dozen. Of course, organic isn’t always available, affordable or appetizing (organic produce flown overseas, then stored in a warehouse and truck over a 3-week period isn’t exactly my idea of delicious). Luckily, there is a fairly effective and cheap way to clean your produce: vinegar. I love vinegar. It is single-handedly the most versatile thing in my kitchen. A handful of things I use vinegar for: to clean greasy windows, to brighten my white laundry, to kill weeds, to cure my sore throat, and to clean my produce. A gallon of white distilled vinegar will run you just a few dollars, and will last you a few months.

To clean your produce, you will need a small spray bottle (look in the section of the store where they sell travel-sized things) and a toothbrush. Mix half vinegar and half distilled water in the bottle. For thicker skinned produce like apples, melons, citrus fruit, potatoes, etc…spray the surface with the vinegar mix and scrub with the toothbrush. Rinse in warm water and pat dry. For more thin-skinned produce like grapes and berries, put the produce in a bowl and fill it with half vinegar/half water. Let sit for a few minutes, then rinse in a colander under warm water and pat dry. Lettuces and spinach can be sprayed, then rinsed under cold water and patted dry. Usually I do this all at once when I finish grocery shopping. It takes about 30 minutes to clean everything, and then my kids can grab an apple out of the fridge when they want a snack without getting a mouthful of pathogens.

Burns my Bacon: Inauthentic Ballpark Food

The arrival of spring means I’m taking a lot more trips to Citizen’s Bank Park. In 2007, CBP won “Best Ballpark Eats” at the Food Network Awards (which I don’t quite understand, hello CRABS at Camden Yards). To be honest, I never eat that often in the stadium, because Italian hoagies and beers are much better consumed in the parking lot before the game.

So imagine my surprise when I drunkenly went on a search for a pretzel in this iconic Philly venue and the only thing I could find were SUPER PRETZELS, complete in the rotating cases with the Super Pretzel logo plastered all over them. Come on. We’re a city known for our pretzel consumption, and you’re going to serve commercial pretzels from a box that can be found in any grocery store across America? Maybe real Philly pretzels are hard to source or something, but I can’t really fathom that since every WaWa sells them, as well as my work cafeteria (breakfast!) and every random guy walking down broad street with a shopping cart.

Does this happen elsewhere? What’s next? New York selling frozen bagels? Chicago selling DiGorno pizza? Get your shit together, America.

How to Get Drunk While Feeding Your Kids

If you’re a long-time reader, you know I’m quick to tell everyone what to do all the time, even when I have no leg to stand on. I like to pretend I live in a perfect world, where kids eat whatever we want them to and won’t ask for a chicken nugget if we don’t offer it to them.

That’s where Brett Cohen comes in. Author of the wildly successful Stuff Every Dad Should Know, Brett has created a beautiful guide instructing parents on exactly what to drink when their kid insists on buttered noodles or PB&J for dinner. I’m just upset I didn’t think of it myself.

Chicken Nuggets & a Martini: Fried foods typically soften the taste and take the bite out of cocktails with high levels of alcohol.  So, class up those chicken nuggets (or fish sticks) with a dirty martini or a vodka gimlet.

Macaroni and Cheese & Champagne: Generally speaking, pasta takes on the flavor of the sauce.  In this case, it’s a cheese-based sauce.  And, cheese is a natural pairing with white and sparkling wines.  Pop the bubbly and you’re good-to-go.

Read the rest, and check out the infographic here.

 

Burns My Bacon: Excuses

Apparently some restaurants are better with their words than with their food and service. This weekend, my girlfriend and I went to a place on the beach with a great view for a casual dinner. We got our seats on the deck, got some sub-par cocktails, and looked over the menu. We picked the “casual” section of the restaurant, so most of the food was sandwiches and fried food, which was exactly what we were looking for.

Enter the waitress: clearly already frazzled by a section of six people. Before taking our orders, she explained, “we want to let you know right now that the food comes out fresh as it is made, so she may get her meal before you get yours.” I’ve heard it before; that’s fine. We ordered fries, chicken tenders, cheesesteak pizza roll things, and soup.

After 30 minutes, I realized that they are so clever at Coconut Cove that they’ve figured out how to have an excuse for the food and service before it’s even ordered. If you set people up to expect a wait for “fresh food,” they can’t be disappointed, right?

Read More

Peanut Butter and Jell-WHY?!? Vodka

By this point in my Endless Simmer career (and let’s face it, my career as a human being in general), I have become the go-to girl when it comes to crazy/ridiculous/ill-fated novelty alcoholic endeavors. (Well, to be fair, this honor is shared with my booze soulmate, ML.)

So it should come as no shock that when Van Gogh wanted to send us a bottle of its new PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY FLAVORED VODKA to sample, I was the first (and only) writer to jump at the chance to experience such a creation. I didn’t have the highest of hopes for it, but come on, I never really have dreams of glory for any of my drunken experiences. All I hope for are entertaining stories we can retell in the future. And by “entertaining” I mean “humiliating,” but whatever.

My roommates and I decided to throw together a last-minute “flavored vodka tasting party” (classy) to poll people on the PB&J vodka. As one might imagine, the reactions were not the most positive. Don’t get me wrong, I love vodka. I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But something seems a bit…. off about this booze.

Their website describes it as such:

Read More

Burns My Bacon: Useless Fortune Cookies

Last week, my husband and I both, separately, had super-rough days, and so instead of our usual rice and beans, we decided that we needed to drown our sorrows in a pile of grease and MSG.  Which is to say that we decided to order Chinese takeout.  The cheese wontons were delectably devoid of nutritional content, the “sesame beef” was mainly breading dipped in sweet and sour sauce, and the Kung Pao vegetables were mmm, mmm, SPICY.  Basically, the meal was exactly what we needed.  Until we got to the fortune cookies.

First off, let’s get one thing out of the way: fortune cookies do not taste good.  Apparently, there are people who like them, but here’s my thought:  think of a cookie, any cookie.  Now ask yourself, is it better than a fortune cookie?  I cannot think of a single instance where the answer would be no.  But that was not my problem.  That was not news to me.  No, the issue at hand, what really burns my reconstituted pork product, is the “fortune,” which is supposed to be the only redeeming part of the cookie.  When did fortune cookies stop predicting the future and start offering unhelpful life advice?  If I needed more of that, I would subscribe to O Magazine.  When I suffer through that hard, tasteless, folded piece of “cookie,” I expect to find out what exciting event awaits me, not a command to, “welcome each day as a fresh new beginning.”

I still remember the episode of Step by Step where Cody keeps opening fortune cookies to solve his life crisis until he finds one that reads, “Seek advice from the man upstairs.” This is what I’m talking about.  I guess I’ll just have to go back to horoscopes for a glimpse into my future (and that of everyone else born between November 22 and December 21, but that’s a rant for another time).

Plate It or Hate It

Recent food world discoveries the ES crew is loving and hating…

Plate It: Joy of Cooking Flask

Let’s be honest — you haven’t actually consulted that Joy of Cooking sitting in your kitchen for years. Put it to better use with a decoy Joy of Cooking that conceals a flask of booze.

Hate It: Everything on a Pop

Pie pops? No. Just doesn’t work. (Photo: Jen Cinclair)

Read More
« Previous
Next »