Artsy Shill of the Day


So the nice folks over at Redwood Creek were recently kind enough to send me a bottle of their newest pinot noir. Actually, for a behind-the-scenes look into the cutthroat world of food blogging, here’s how it went down:

From: PR Guy

Dear ES,
Redwood Creek offers seven food-friendly wines that are easy on the wallet, around $8 per bottle………..

  • Pinot Noir: the brand’s bestseller, this medium-bodied wine boasts flavors of black cherry with a smooth finish that compliments vegetarian dishes perfectly.
  • Cabernet Sauvignon: this bold wine features hints of vanilla and rich mocha, enhancing flavors in a hearty, meat entrée or even a chocolaty dessert.

…………..Also, let me know if you’d like to receive a bottle to try yourself!


From: BS
To: PR Guy

Black Cherry pinot noir sure sounds interesting…would love to try! Here’s my address:
Brooklyn, NY 11217


From: Gansie
To: BS

cant believe you claimed this before me!


Haha, sorry gansie. You snooze, you lose.

Moving on — I chose the pinot noir because that’s what my parents drink, and thus the extent of my wine knowledge. Oh, I also know that I hate merlot, but only because Sideways told me to. I wish I had something smart-sounding to write about this bottle, or why I like piont noirs in general, but all I can garner up is that it’s cheap, tasty, and got me buzzed. Seriously, if I’m gonna be a food writer, I need to have at least one high-falutin thing to say about why I like pinot, right?

Help me out, ESers. How does one go about being an entry-level wine snob? What do you say when someone asks you to describe a wine? I’m always like….uh…wine? I’ve heard the buzz words, and they mean nothing to me. Fruity accents? Tannin? Mouthfeel? (Or is that one for just beer? See, I’m clueless).

Mind you, I don’t want to actually learn about wine — just doesn’t hold my interest. But if someone could describe to me, in fifty words or less, how to sound smart while talking about wine without being the most boring person in the room, I would seriously appreciate it.

PS (aside to PR flacks – please submit all free alcohol-related emails directly to BS(at)endlesssimmer(dot)com

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  • Alex March 11, 2009  

    I can’t believe you didn’t wait to drink the wine that “complements vegetarian dishes perfectly” until the vegetarian was actually present. What do you think I’m in this for??

  • JoeHoya March 11, 2009  

    Either of these should work, depending on how you’re feeling:

    “You can call a wine red, and dry, and strong, and pleasant. After that, watch out…”
    -Kingsley Amis, Everyday Drinking

    “It’s a bold wine with a hint of sophistication and lacking in pretension. Actually, I was just talking about myself.”
    -Meg Ryan, French Kiss

  • Yvo March 11, 2009  

    HAHAHA @ Alex’s comment 🙂 I

  • Yvo March 11, 2009  

    PS This is a good time to food blog solo, lol. And why did my entire comment get eaten? WHAT DID I DO? Please find it 🙁

  • Maids March 11, 2009  

    I recommend that you use the word viscosity a lot. that shows true wine snobbery

  • gansie March 11, 2009  

    i recommend that you share some wine w/ me!

  • Tim March 13, 2009  

    Getting hyper-specific on the color is a great way to sound smart w/o any real wine knowledge.
    Also, just like a shitload of fruit that the wine reminds you of. If you can’t taste anything, just make it up. Start with “grapes” but always insist that there’s a hint of juniper berries in the back.
    Do the same thing with the smell, only refer to aromas as being “on the nose.”
    Decide if it’s acidic or mild and report your decision snob-ily.
    Also decide if it’s more thick/cloying or thin/slick on your mouf. This is mouffeel.

  • Tim March 13, 2009  

    RE: my last post…

    I meant to say …Just LIST a shitload of fruit… not like.

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