T.G.I. Super Tuesday
The presidential campaign is heading into its biggest day yet, and across the board, the candidates are still ignoring the food vote. We’ve said goodbye to Rudy Giuliani, whose brave attempts to eat his way into power were thwarted when his ill-conceived strategy to bring out the Florida Jews ended in a miserable failure. At least one foodophile is ready to speak the hard truth: he should have gone more Ashkenazi.
Yet the remaining candidates have left this blog’s editorial board uninspired. Seriously people, Thailand has already made history by placing the “Thai Emeril” at the seat of government, is it so much to ask for some statements on your caviar policy? If this keeps up, we may have to start a Draft Bourdain campaign. Or at least Carol Mosely Braun.
While these shortcomings are depressing, we feel compelled to give you a few more updates on the field, given the enormity of today’s contests:
– Obama is looking perhaps the most foodie-licious, as he actually received an endorsement worded “We’re not just Wonder Bread, here. We’ve got pumpernickel; we got whole wheat; and we got rye.” Gotta love it.
– Meanwhile, the already-unendorsed Mitt Romney cemented his position as the Wonderbread candidate of choice by stopping into a Florida KFC last week and digging into a hunk of chicken – after REMOVING THE SKIN. Food sin alert! Come on man, you can get a heart attack just by looking at a KFC, you think peeling off the skin is gonna save you? Looks like someone just lost the Kentucky vote. Oh, and all the other states too.
Sorry folks, but with the candidates ignoring our issues, Endless Simmer is going to have to hold off on making our long-awaited endorsement.
However, on a purely personal basis, I’d like to remind all of our readers living in New York, New Jersey California, Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Colordo, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Kansas, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Missouri, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Utah, American Samoa and overseas, to get off you fat asses for a minute and represent for my homeboy.