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Hillary, Huckabee Nab Endless Simmer Unendorsements

Posted by on January 2 2008 in Bacon, Contests, Politics

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Way back in 2007, Endless Simmer started a presidential endorsement process to make sure our readers know who the best candidate for eating is. Because this crop has many more bad eggs than good ones, we’re working in reverse order, un-endorsing the candidates until we find a winner.

While this might not be the single most coveted endorsement in the world of politics, it should certainly be noted that our November unendorsment of Mitt Romney was quickly followed by a freefall in the one-time frontrunner’s poll number. Coincidence? Or the strength of the food blog universe finally making our voice heard?

Well now, on the eve of the Iowa caucuses, we are ready to unendorse two more frontrunners, almost certainly dooming their presidential prospects.

First up: Mike Huckabee. You might have assumed this folksy former fatty would be a shoe-in to win the ES nod, given that he is the only candidate who has written a whole book about food (his 2005 bestseller about his struggle with anorexia). But Huckabee’s food-based campaign began to unravel when I came across this passage in a New York Times Magazine profile:

I met Huckabee for lunch at an Olive Garden restaurant in Midtown Manhattan. (I had offered to take him anywhere he wanted and then vetoed his first choice, T.G.I. Friday’s.)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, guvner – you had to choose ANY RESTAURANT IN MANHATTAN and you opted for TGIF, with the backup of Olive Garden?!?

I understand you are going for the whole populist preacher thing, so no one expects you to dine at Momofuku of Per se, but um…Famous Rays? Five Guys? Shake Shack? Chipotle for Christ’s sake! Anywhere but Friday’s. Mike Huckabee, you are unendorsed.

Hillary, meanwhile gets the losers’ nod for her stance as the un-locavore of the year. Clinton recently appointed the past president of the National Pork Producers Council – aka “the poster organization for corporate agriculture” – to be the co-chair of “Rural Americans for Hillary.” We’re all fans of the hog here at ES (OK, maybe not our Hebrew co-editor), but with mega-factory-farms making us sick, effing up our atmosphere, and just being all around nasty, we could seriously use a prez who isn’t so cozy with Big Meat.

While we’re not ready to issue an endorsement yet, there are a trio of candidates who are looking pretty good:

Mike Gravel: A New Hampshire paper asked all of the candidates to submit their fav recipes, and while the frontrunners played it safe, giving typical Middle American, bland-as-Wonder-Bread recipes (Fred Thomspson’s sugar cookies! Huckabee’s corn casserole! John Edward’s party pizzas!), only Gravel had the chutzpah to submit a Tourtiere, and I’ll be damned if Canadian meat pies aren’t a surefire way to march all the way to the White House.

Also looking good is Rudy Giuliani. Already known for eating his way through America, Heather at Bacon Unwrapped picked up this very useful tidbit from a recent campaign stop:

Along with the omelets and Diet Cokes, Giuliani added a side order of extra crispy bacon

Nice! Not just a bacon guy, but an extra crispy bacon guy. Now there’s a qualification that should be written into the Constitution.

But Rudy better not stay too focused on his endless plates of bacon because Joe Biden has some quite aggressive eating on his mind. Previously best known only for putting his foot in his mouth, Biden recently sent me this email, subject: “I will eat Rudy Giuliani alive.”

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Wow. If Biden follows through on this, he won’t just win the presidency. He’ll be the frontunner for Eater of the Year 2008.

P.S. – In the shameless self-promotion department, some of you may be interested in my far less serious election post on HuffPo today.

Photo: NYT.

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4 Responses leave one →
  1. January 2, 2008

    When I read this I figured there are either two things happening here. Either he is choosing those crappy restaurants as a way to pander to idiot republican voters who spend their lives eating potato sliders and wings at TJ Mcpootershoots’ Food Emporium, or the man is so moronic that when in the food capitol of the world he chooses to fill himself with garbage. Neither answer is a good one.

  2. January 2, 2008

    and kudos for coining the phrase “cozy with Big Meat.” I sense and Endless Simmer slogan/catchphrase for 2008. Sign me up for a t-shirt.

  3. JoeHoya permalink
    January 3, 2008

    http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=007f30d46d0b1c5613aff1c0590db001

    “Did you just say ‘Big Meat?’”

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