Burns My Bacon -

by BS

Dumbest. Packaged. Food. Ever.

You know we’re not big fans of Sandra Lee-style cheating here at ES, but I gotta be honest about something: I have a weakness for those tiny little packages of onion dip mix. Sure, it’s a long way from actual cooking, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t a great way to make sour cream hella tasty in about 15 seconds. My aunt used to serve this dip with chips every Christmas Eve and me and my brother would sit there and literally devour the entire bowl in — well, about another 15 seconds.

Yeah, I’m not ashamed to admit it — I actually get a little excited about pre-made dip mixes. So I was interested when my mom recently brought me some leftover items from one of those over-the-top gift baskets her office gets for random occasions and it included a package of roasted red bell pepper and goat cheese dip mix. ‘Yum,’ I thought. Looks like instant dips are getting a gourmet upgrade. I’m in for an even fancier 15-second dip-making experience. Then I read the fine print at the bottom of the package:

Burns My Bacon: Jewish Deli Bread

Britannia got our mini-rant series going last month with his admonishment of the salt and pepper shaker filler-uppers, and now I’d like to tell you yell about something else that burns my bacon, er…pastrami.

I think we can all agree that an old-school, New York-style Jewish deli is just about the best place in the world to get a serious sandwich. Pastrami from Katz, corned beef from 2nd Avenue Deli — wherever it is, you know the deal: some form of exquisitely cured beef product piled far beyond reason and then shoved between two slices of bread; mustard, pickles and slaw on the side.

But there’s one thing that has always bugged me about Jewish delis, and I’ve been afraid to ever say it, fearing an outpouring of anger from the traditionalist eaters. But I just can’t stay silent any longer.

Burns My Bacon: An Open Letter to the Salt & Pepper Shaker Filler Upper

You know we always love a good rant here on ES, so it’s time to introduce our newest feature: Grinds My Gears Burns My Bacon.

As much as I love food, there are just so many little thing to complain about. Every time I go to a restaurant, deli, grocery store or coffee shop there is always something that’s just not right. It’s usually a simple thing that can be easily rectified but it persists, probably because no one has ever complained about it before. Not any more, people of ES. I’m not prepared to sit back any longer. This is a time that demands action. So, without further ado, here is your first Burns My Bacon:

What’s the Deal with Iced Coffee?

Scene: A coffee shop. The first perfect, 85-degree late spring day in Brooklyn, NY.

Dramatis Personae: BS, an easily disgruntled food blogger.

Conflict: The same issue that brews through my caffeine-addicted mind every time the weather gets this warm. I get to the front of the line and see:

Hot Coffee: $1.25

Iced Coffee: $2.50

WTF? Why is iced coffee so damn expensive? Is it really that hard to cold brew coffee? Because it seems like you’re paying twice as much for goddamn ice. Ice costs like 99-cents for a giant bag, and of course you can just make it yourself for, oh I don’t know – free! Even factoring in the price of water, I’d say a cup of ice costs about 1 cent, which means that charging me $1.25 extra for ice in my coffee is basically a 10,000 percent markup. Pound for pound, iced coffee is the most expensive drink in the world!

Needless to say, I went with hot coffee. I’m considering going back up there and asking for a (free) glass of ice water, dumping out the water, and pouring my coffee over the ice.

Grrr….

Previously on ES: What’s the Deal with Mozzarella Sticks?

Getting a Chip off My Shoulder

(Photo: Kanko*)

in Drinks / Rants & Raves 8 comments