Dumbest. Packaged. Food. Ever.
You know we’re not big fans of Sandra Lee-style cheating here at ES, but I gotta be honest about something: I have a weakness for those tiny little packages of onion dip mix. Sure, it’s a long way from actual cooking, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t a great way to make sour cream hella tasty in about 15 seconds. My aunt used to serve this dip with chips every Christmas Eve and me and my brother would sit there and literally devour the entire bowl in — well, about another 15 seconds.
Yeah, I’m not ashamed to admit it — I actually get a little excited about pre-made dip mixes. So I was interested when my mom recently brought me some leftover items from one of those over-the-top gift baskets her office gets for random occasions and it included a package of roasted red bell pepper and goat cheese dip mix. ‘Yum,’ I thought. Looks like instant dips are getting a gourmet upgrade. I’m in for an even fancier 15-second dip-making experience. Then I read the fine print at the bottom of the package:
***Just add 2 red peppers and 4 oz. goat cheese.
Um, what? How can you market something as a red pepper-goat cheese dip mix when you have to go out and buy both goat cheese and red peppers to add to it?? I’m perfectly fine with anyone’s decision to either make their own dip at home or go buy something pre-made, but what’s the point of buying a pre-made mix that requires you to also buy all the main ingredients? I feel like if you’re gonna cheat, it should be easy. But I’m not gonna go to the trouble of roasting peppers and then mix them with some corn syrup crap. Enough half-measures! Either cheat or don’t cheat, right? The package even helpfully mentions that you can roast, peel, seed and clean the peppers yourself or just buy them already done in a 12-oz. jar. So if I’m buying the peppers and goat cheese to add in, what exactly is in this package anyway?
Corn Syrup Solids, Dextrose, Garlic, Salt, Spices, Natural Flavors, Paprika Extract.
I mean, really? Was it worth someone’s time to put this together?
I’ve also got a package of artichoke and parmesan dip mix, but I refuse to go out and buy the artichoke, parmesan and sour cream needed to make it. Or am I wrong? Are these going to make the absolutely most amazing dips I’ve ever tasted? Should I go ahead and try them? Or how could I re-purpose them? Sprinkled on popcorn, maybe?
What are the most inane pre-packaged foods you’ve ever come across?