Normally when I’m thinking about booze, filling cups and consuming it as fast as humanly possible seems about right to me.
So when I heard about the Bottoms Up system — a beer dispenser that fills beers up from the BOTTOM, and takes only seconds — I figured it was worth a shot, if I ever encountered it. No beer line? No wait? Sounds good to me.
As it turns out, at the Phillies game a few weeks ago, the bottoms up Bud Light stand was the closest one to my section. Let it be known I never drink Bud Light by choice, but…sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. So…Bottoms Up: God’s gift to sports fans? Not quite…
$7.75 got me a Bud Light draft that leaked droplets of beer all over my leg each time I tilted the cup to take a sip. When I tried to wipe droplets off the bottom of the cup, I inadvertently touched the mechanism on the bottom of the cup (that’s supposed to be a magnet, or something?) and for a few seconds, beer went spilling all over the ground. Some guy saw it and made fun of me. And you know what I don’t like? Beer that makes people make fun of me.
Give me back my aluminum bottle, please.