Top 10 All-Time George W. Bush Food Moments
As you may or may not have heard, Barack H. Obama is set to be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States this week (it’s kind of flown under the radar). I’ve been as guilty as anyone of getting caught up in all the hype surrounding our leader/savior/superhero, but it’s just occurred to me that while we’ve all been focused on how freaking unbelievable and amazing it is that Barack Obama is actually going to be President in ONE DAY, we’ve completely overlooked another monumental milestone: As of tomorrow, George W. Bush will not be president. O. M. G.
And while it’s been apparent for some time now that W. is just as eager as the rest of us for his last day in office to come, in a recent intimate interview, Bush admitted there is one thing he’ll miss about leaving the White House: The free food. To honor that spirit, we’re taking a fond look back at the Top 10 All-Time George W. Bush Food Moments. The choking, the burping, the eating with his mouth full, it’s been quite a presidency. I never thought the day would come when I’d say this, but as a writer always eager for an easy target — Dubya, I’m gonna miss ya.
Thanksgiving 2003: President Bush made one his gutsiest moves ever, a secret decision to fly into war-torn Baghdad and personally congratulate the troops on their “Mission Accomplished,” surprising the boys and girls with a beautiful golden turkey. Alas, that gorgeous bird, like so much else about this administration, turned out to be fake. Washington Post reporters uncovered the truth: the glossy turkey was just for show, rigged up for the prez — by who else? an overpaid government contractor — and our brave men and women in uniform were actually served cafeteria-style slop.
9. “We gotta get Hezbollah to stop doin’ this shit…are you gonna eat that?”
When you think about it, you can’t really blame George Bush for all his gaffes. The poor guy ran for President in 1999, how was he supposed to know some geeks were about to invent a magical program called YouTube that would record and broadcast his every awkward move and stupid sentence for the next eight years? Well unfortunately for him, they did. And unfortunately for America, the cameras were there at this G-8 meeting in 2006 to catch George artfully explaining the Bush doctrine to Tony Blair…while cursing up a storm…with his mouth full. Stay classy, GWB.
8. Sir, that is Not a Corn Dog
One of the shear joys of American politics is observing the quadrennial rite of presidential candidate trekking out to Iowa to seduce those cornfed voters the only way they know how — by chowing down on their food. But Bushie one-upped all the panderers in August 2004 when he took a campaign swing through Davenport, Iowa and stopped to marvel at their beautiful sweet corn. Apparently unaware that raw sweet corn is generally fed only to livestock, George ripped open an ear and dug in. “Mmm,” George proclaimed. “You don’t even have to cook it.” Actually you do, George. But please don’t — we shudder at the thought of you getting anywhere near an open flame.
7. Bad Sushi
OK, maybe we can’t blame the guy for the food sins of his father, but seriously America, how did you even consider electing a second Bush after the first one THREW UP on the Japanese President?!? Not an urban legend, this actually happened. Your entire family should really be banned from international diplomacy after you do this once.
6. Jenna and Tonic
As long as we’re celebrating the extended family, how could one leave out dear Jenna? The saga of the blond twin’s White House years started early, when the 19-year-old first daughter tried to use a fake ID to buy a margarita at a Mexican restaurant in Austin, Texas. And Jenna didn’t stop there. From falling down drunk to jaunting off on south-of-the-border boozefests to TJ arranged by the Secret Service, she was so amusing she almost made this administration tolerable. And here’s the scary part: After all that, it turns out Jenna is the sensible one in the family.
5. Party Foul
Speaking of drinking, W. swears he quit the habit decades ago, but as these past 8 years dragged on, it became increasingly clear to everyone that this could not possibly be the case. So it made a lot of sense when we finally caught him downing a brewski while on another one of those crazy G-8 weekend getaways with Tony B. and Angela and the gang. The worst part of this video isn’t Bush pouring the beer so miserably that it overflows all over the table, it’s that he then swoops in for a slurping-the-foam move, thinking this fixes the problem and there’s no need to clean up after himself. Dubya leans back and giggles to himself, clearly pleased that he’s pulled another fast one, and unaware of those omnipresent cameras behind him. Seriously, has anyone told him about YouTube yet?
4. TurkeyGate Revisitied
I mean, come on, George! Ever single other president has had to take part in this stupid Thanksgiving turkey-pardoning ceremony, and none of them liked it, but how are you the only one who ended up making a fool out of yourself year after year? I don’t even know what’s going on in this photo, but can you imagine Teddy Roosevelt or John Kennedy ever, ever, stumbling into a photo-op this bad? How do you do it, George? Seriously, tell us. And no, Sarah Palin is even dumber than I am is not the appropriate answer.
3. Bush Eats Pubes
It’s true. Ask anyone.
2.Happy Birthday, Mr. Senator
Here’s Bushie licking the frosting off his hands after sharing a delicious 700th birthday cake with his good frenemy John McCain. What’s so embarrassing about that, you ask? Oh, just that this little cake-eating shindig took place on August 29,2005, when a major American city just happened to be under water. You’re doin’ a heckuva job, foodie.
1. The Incident
Just less than one year after starting his first term, an event would shock the world and define George W. Bush’s presidency forever. While relaxing at home and watching a peaceful NFL football fame, W. suddenly choked on a wayward pretzel particle, broke a blood vessel on his cheek, fell off the couch, and slipped unconscious until awakened by his faithful dog Barney. Again, this is not urban legend but yet another thing that actually happened to our fearless leader. Only to you, W, and only in America.
It’s been a long 8 years. Happy Obama! Bring on the arugula.
“the eating with his mouth full”…I’m sure you meant talking with his mouth full, as it is hard to eat without food in your mouth, but it still gave me a good laugh this morning
I miss him already , we ‘misunderestimated’ him after all
that fake turkey is TERRIBLE
Love it!!!
So where is the good will everyone is trying to foster?
Would you like all your college crazies posted here years later?
Hope ES does not have to eat any of their words.
If we can include extended family, how about Bush Senior’s refusal to eat broccoli? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIKmp-Ualzg
Good roundup! The fake turkey is a classic – just like those often used in (other) commercials. I do think H.W. Bush deserves a bit of a pass, though, since he took anti-nausea medication beforehand that didn’t work, and in the end, the younger Bush certainly induced more nausea than his dad.
A good round-up! I needed a good laugh and Bush Jr. is always good for that! lol
Much as I am overjoyed to see the worst president in the history of the country bid adios, I have to back him up on one of your items – you actually can eat corn raw, if it’s truly fresh as in just picked. It’s different from cooked corn, as any raw veggie is different from its cooked counterpart, but still delicious.
And I’m afraid I have to knock down #5. It’s true enough that he made a mess of drinking it, but I recognize that bottle of beer. It’s Buckler, an imported non-alcoholic beer. But dude, learn to pour. Don’t tell me that’s the way they do it in Texas.