As you may or may not have heard, Barack H. Obama is set to be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States this week (it’s kind of flown under the radar). I’ve been as guilty as anyone of getting caught up in all the hype surrounding our leader/savior/superhero, but it’s just occurred to me that while we’ve all been focused on how freaking unbelievable and amazing it is that Barack Obama is actually going to be President in ONE DAY, we’ve completely overlooked another monumental milestone: As of tomorrow, George W. Bush will not be president. O. M. G.
And while it’s been apparent for some time now that W. is just as eager as the rest of us for his last day in office to come, in a recent intimate interview, Bush admitted there is one thing he’ll miss about leaving the White House: The free food. To honor that spirit, we’re taking a fond look back at the Top 10 All-Time George W. Bush Food Moments. The choking, the burping, the eating with his mouth full, it’s been quite a presidency. I never thought the day would come when I’d say this, but as a writer always eager for an easy target — Dubya, I’m gonna miss ya.
Thanksgiving 2003: President Bush made one his gutsiest moves ever, a secret decision to fly into war-torn Baghdad and personally congratulate the troops on their “Mission Accomplished,” surprising the boys and girls with a beautiful golden turkey. Alas, that gorgeous bird, like so much else about this administration, turned out to be fake. Washington Post reporters uncovered the truth: the glossy turkey was just for show, rigged up for the prez — by who else? an overpaid government contractor — and our brave men and women in uniform were actually served cafeteria-style slop.
9. “We gotta get Hezbollah to stop doin’ this shit…are you gonna eat that?”
When you think about it, you can’t really blame George Bush for all his gaffes. The poor guy ran for President in 1999, how was he supposed to know some geeks were about to invent a magical program called YouTube that would record and broadcast his every awkward move and stupid sentence for the next eight years? Well unfortunately for him, they did. And unfortunately for America, the cameras were there at this G-8 meeting in 2006 to catch George artfully explaining the Bush doctrine to Tony Blair…while cursing up a storm…with his mouth full. Stay classy, GWB.
8. Sir, that is Not a Corn Dog
One of the shear joys of American politics is observing the quadrennial rite of presidential candidate trekking out to Iowa to seduce those cornfed voters the only way they know how — by chowing down on their food. But Bushie one-upped all the panderers in August 2004 when he took a campaign swing through Davenport, Iowa and stopped to marvel at their beautiful sweet corn. Apparently unaware that raw sweet corn is generally fed only to livestock, George ripped open an ear and dug in. “Mmm,” George proclaimed. “You don’t even have to cook it.” Actually you do, George. But please don’t — we shudder at the thought of you getting anywhere near an open flame.
7. Bad Sushi
OK, maybe we can’t blame the guy for the food sins of his father, but seriously America, how did you even consider electing a second Bush after the first one THREW UP on the Japanese President?!? Not an urban legend, this actually happened. Your entire family should really be banned from international diplomacy after you do this once.
6. Jenna and Tonic
As long as we’re celebrating the extended family, how could one leave out dear Jenna? The saga of the blond twin’s White House years started early, when the 19-year-old first daughter tried to use a fake ID to buy a margarita at a Mexican restaurant in Austin, Texas. And Jenna didn’t stop there. From falling down drunk to jaunting off on south-of-the-border boozefests to TJ arranged by the Secret Service, she was so amusing she almost made this administration tolerable. And here’s the scary part: After all that, it turns out Jenna is the sensible one in the family.