Live Blogging Top Chef: Episode 5


Ok so I’m live blogging tonight, and I have to warn you…. I passionately dislike our precious Padma (yeah, I said it). Her monotone, non-expressive voice, and the Top Chef promos of her popping a champagne bottle and spraying it everywhere make me want to vomit. But I LOVE TOP CHEF, and I just put a vegetable lasagna in the oven for the occasion!


Ok we’re starting- and the preview looks crazy- people are yelling at each other, a table fell down.. what’s going on!


Zoi is always pissed

Ming Tsai is the guest judge. Jesus, Padma just pointed to her mouth and was like “your palate, your palate is so important”

OMG everyone is so conceited about their palate – They have to figure out which cuisine is the gourmet and which is not and Padma sounds legitly pissed that someone was not correct- she’s such a bitch – so disappointed! and Stephanie sounds biiiiter

I don’t know what to think about Antonia… I think she might be the hidden gem…

Or should I say the hidden element –


Wow only 15 minutes to make 3 courses!

Antonia: “I will make a f-ing condensed soup”

I agree with Lisa – How can you be comfortable with having a meal be an EGG! I’m sorry, but people like to eat, and they are not going to be satisfied with 1 egg in the middle of their plate.

Jeff’s mom said over the phone that Spike should lose – I agree – the producers just want to keep him

Ewww why is Spike saying a sentence that includes women and strangling…

Yes! Stephanie! Get the thick cut bacon! Seriously bacon makes everything better!

Andrew is very hyper… I don’t know what to think of him as a chef…

TAPIOCA faux caviar AGAIN! NO! you know what, it’s not famous, it’s not cool, and it reminds me of drinking bubble tea, which was one of the worst experiences ever!

Miso Bacon!! Even my vegetarian roommate just said he thought that sounds amazing

Nikki has a beehive… and she’s talking about making a pomegranate martini

OMG Zoi is such a complainer – like be adaptive! Please!


How could you think that scales are ok to keep on the fish! Like to serve at a Meals on Wheels Fundraiser – not acceptable – yeah yum – tapioca nastiness on scaly salmon — ew — EW I’m gagging! they called it watery salmon!

Padma’s trying to influence MING with her stupid voice “isn’t this shrimp good Ming… don’t you think it is!”

Sorry I’ll stop talking bad about Padma

Padma, seriously stop talking about the shrimp though

Team Earth – “cooking 101: season your food” – I think they did bad


I take it back- I just saw the Top Chef promo of Padma taking a bite out of an apple saying “Still Hungry?” – I will continue to talk sh-t about her


Of course the Shrimp team won – you know why? Because Padma said to do it. And because Stephanie used the thick cut bacon.

I have to try the new technique of this miso bacon – OMG her team member was pissed because Lisa won for bacon! She’s so SMART for using BACON – how dare you be pissed!

Wow team earth fried capers! That sounds awesome!

I have to agree with Ming, soup is a good dish to do, Antonia!

Ok it seems like people here are thinking Richard might go home for the salmon scales.

I agree with Tom, I would also like both Spike and Zoi to be kicked off!


Words cannot describe what I’m feeling after hearing the poll by Bravo, “Who do you think is being the most difficult and needs a spanking?” WHAAA! I’m laughing hysterically and feeling uncomfortable at the same time!


Zoi is out- she was really just giving waaay too many excuses.

Oh my they clearly give the contestants alcohol so they will yell at each other. Antonia is yelllling! And now people are yelling at Lisa! AND HE’s GRABBING HIS NUTS WHILE YELLING!! That is unacceptable.

I don’t like that ending of the episode with all that yelling! Draaaaama.

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  • BS April 9, 2008  

    you don’t even like her profound photographic exploration of misogyny in America’s kitchens? (see above)

  • Liza April 9, 2008  

    what if she gets pubic hair in the food!

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    she looks pretty clean to me — ooh that may have gone too far

  • Liza April 9, 2008  

    I think I started it! Sorry
    Oh we’re about to start!…

  • Liza April 9, 2008  

    WOW- they were all yelling and a table was thrown or something!

  • Liza April 9, 2008  

    on the preview for this episode

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    OMG I can’t believe she couldn’t tell the premium butter from the cheap stuff – I mean, everyone knows good butter, right?

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    yeah I am suddenly f-ing loving antonia

  • Liza April 9, 2008  

    yeah – amazing
    not loving the egg on a plate thing

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    seriously. why would you serve a famous chef fake anything? even fake caviar.

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    can we talk about his “breaking down a pomegranate” method…he was fucking killing it! How fast was that? It takes me about 20 minutes to “break down a pomegranate”

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    yeah….I’m done with Nikki

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    Zoi sounds like Christopher Walken in the SNL skit…there’s a time limit? I don’t get to use any ingredient I want? oh, this is not gonna be good.

  • Liza April 9, 2008  

    hahaha she so does!

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    you’ve gotta be kidding me with the scales…could fauxhawk number one actually be going home???

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    I think Ming and Gail Simmons might have a little love connection going on – anyone?

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    I mean how could Richard not deserve to go home? But Zoi has been so freaking annoying that they might just decide to boot her

  • Liza April 9, 2008  

    Yeah, scales seem unforgivable

  • BS April 9, 2008  

    wait. i don’t understand at all why Dale got so mad.

  • BK April 10, 2008  

    Ming is a happily married man. And his wife is 1000 times more beautiful than Gail Simmons.

    And to Padma; his restaurant is in Wellesley MA, not Boston. Two very different places.

  • Pinch of Minch April 10, 2008  

    Liza, I’m with you about boring Padma. The only thing cool about her is her scar.

  • Liza April 10, 2008  

    You are so right! her scar is her one redeeming quality

  • gansie April 10, 2008  

    oh come on. she’s a cook book author. how cool is that!

  • BK April 11, 2008  

    She wrote down some recipes. She is talented.

  • Gemma April 13, 2008  

    SO. Sorry I could not attend the fabulouso episode this week in all its liveliness. My bitching about Zoi paid off, shes out, muchas gracias. Now, my next target is Lisa, the girl is an asshole. There is literally nothing to be said about a girl who makes DALE seem NORMAL. She is this year’s Tiffany, THATS RIGHT I SAID IT. Also, how come the only reason she wins is because she has talented teammates. And as someone who is very fond of Canada and is currently living there, I have such disdain for the Canadian Lisa perpetuating the myth of the gooey maple bacon loving canadians! For shame. She should not have won at all. If anything, Steph should have won. Also, Dale screamed at her because he was upset about Zoi the grouchy leaving and the one time he voiced his opinion about anything, Lisa is all OH STFU LET EVERYONE TALK I KNOW BEST LET ME BE MOMMY DEAREST AND MATURE. Bitch. I hope her big face goes home with the bacon. next ep. .. Sorry. I have a lot of rage built up from the ep. Given Team Mushy Salmon was totally idiotic cus they basically did the SAME DISH TWICE, how come no one picked up on Lisa doing the flat bacon thing twice? And can I just say, she won with.. hollandaise sauce and bacon. Would anyone pay to eat hollandaise sauce and bacon from a top chef winner? I dont think so. I’ll go vent elsewhere now. Thanks for the blogging! Padma isnt as bad as Katiebot!

  • Gemma April 13, 2008  

    Also, how come a pot of well made liquid seemed like a horrid idea to Miz Antonia? Its perfect because soup is forgiving and can be done in large portions and plated/bowled easily and garnished..Do these people really not watch the series before they star in it? Did they not see Elia win with mushroom soup?

  • gansie April 15, 2008  

    gemma! we’ve missed you!

    1) love the mommy dearest reference
    2) i hate lisa as well
    3) i think soup would have been kick ass too. a really good soup def beats mushrooms.

  • Gemma April 16, 2008  

    Whats happening? No blog this week?

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