How Wheat It Isn’t

Living in New York, I could care less about skyrocketing gas prices – I can count the number of times I’ve driven a car on on my fingers. And to be honest, I’m about ready for this city’s real estate bubble to burst already (got half a mil? you can be the proud owner of a tiny apartment in the middle of a crappy neighborhood!) But this developing wheat crisis is threatening to hit me where it hurts – in the stomach.

That’s right, the pillars of the New York City food chain are about to topple, because rumor has it pizza is heading up to $3 a slice! But that’s not all – next up: bagels for more than a dollar a pop. And no, that doesn’t include cream cheese.

As a rough estimate, I’d say I eat a bagel for breakfast about 17 days a month, and grab a slice of pizza for lunch or dinner maybe 10 times a month. That means the monthly expenses associated with being a New York City bottom feeder just jumped by about $15. Let’s not even think about pizza bagels, which I can only assume are now going for the price of white truffles.

The reason? Bad weather around the globe has hit wheat crops hard, sending prices through the roof. So let’s start praying for some sunshine, people, because if this starts screwing with wheat thins in any way, I am just going to explode.