OK fine, we realize no one is likely getting us any of these outrageous food gifts this year. But here are a few last-minute ideas for some cheapo gifts to toss in your favorite foodie’s Christmas stocking or Hanukaa lederhosen.
Is that a watermelon in your pocket or 350 megabytes of digital information? We think these nifty USB drives — which also come in hamburger, sushi, and strawberry — might just make us hungry all day long, but what a great idea to treat the food blogger on your list to.
Nothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like “here’s a way to control how much butter you eat.” But if one of your loved ones has an unfortunate tendency to eat the whole stick, you might want to consider one of these handy butter portion control devices, which ensure you get just one little pat each morning.
For those of you who treat your pet dog less like a companion and more like an amusement, you’ll enjoy watching Fido (or BS) jump around the room for hours on end chasing an endless stream of bacon-smelling bubbles. Honestly, I think this might actually be a torture device.
We know you’ve got at least one on your list — the creepily obsessed hope-monger who shrieks with joy at the mere mention of anything Obama-related. (OMG did you hear who’s being considered for deputy undersecretary of agriculture? I totally can’t even believe it!) The Haphazard Gourmet Girls point us towards Barack’s favorite sweet treat — the smoked salt caramels dipped in milk chocolate from Seattle’s Fran’s Chocolates. Guaranteed to bring you one step closer to Barackutopia.
Speaking of liberal celebration, what better way to mark the anticipated repeal of the global gag rule than with these adorable fetus-shaped cookies? Tasty!
5. Snap Capps
It’s a lunchtime disaster we’ve all encountered. You snap open a can of soda, chug half of it and then realize that your over-sized sandwich didn’t exactly leave room for an entire Pepsi. But you made the mistake of not getting a bottle, so now you’ve got to either down the entire thing or throw away the rest of it. Oh no you don’t! Not with Snap Capps, which let you turn any opened soda or beer can into a resealable, transportable bottle. Talk about genius.
4. Grill Charms
Everyone has their own method for keeping track of whose drink is whose at holiday parties, whether with those cutesy little wine glass charms or a crudely-drawn sharpie likeness of yourself on a keg cup. But what about keeping the meat straight? These handy little gadgets let everyone mark their steaks or other grill items with indications like rare/medium rare, not too spicy, or keep away from the veggies.
You know the trendsetter on your list wants in on the magic taste-changing miracle berries, but if they (ahem) don’t have the gardening chops to make the plant thing come through, just hook them up with some of these insta-miracle berry tablets, now available at your local sketchy Chinatown hole-in-the-wall.
2. Ice Cream
Nothing funny about this gift, but how can you go wrong with the gift of ice cream? Ben and Jerry’s finally finds a way around the age-old dilemma of how to stuff a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough into a Christmas stocking. Just use these ingenious holiday coupons. If you’ve got someone who won’t appreciate this gift, then they’re just not worth shopping for.
The only problem with bacon is that its salty delicious taste only stays in your mouth for a matter of minutes! But now you can make all your favorite bacon meals last just a little bit longer with this fantastic set of bacon-flavored toothpicks. Don’t let anyone ever tell you bacon never did anything useful!
Previously on ES:
The Top 10 Most Outrageous Holiday Gifts for Foodies