This is a very special day. For starters, yes, it’s Friday, but not just any Friday. It is, apparently, National Iced Tea Day! Duh. On this holiest of days, everyone must appreciate the refreshing luxury iced tea brings to our lives. I know I certainly do.
Of course, there is one glaringly obvious inherent flaw in iced tea: no booze! What is the point of even drinking any liquid if it’s not going to get you buzzed, you know? Never fear. Many geniuses out there agree with my “iced tea needs more alcohol in it” conclusion. These days we have a cornucopia of boozy sweet teas to choose from: Firefly, Jeremiah Weed, Sweet Carolina, etc…
This is a somewhat controversial beverage; I have personally encountered haters who proclaim it “too sweet” or even “disgusting” …but you know what I say? The same thing I say any time someone turns down delicious alcohol: great, more for me!
Now, let’s state the obvious: classic iced tea makes a great mixer. Just ask Arnold Palmer, the great man who discovered the glory of combining lemonade and iced tea, so brilliant that his name will now forever be associated with beverages instead of just golf. Tragically, this drink possesses the same drawback as traditional iced tea: non-alcoholic. However, let’s do the math. Iced tea (good mixer) + Lemonade (good mixer) = Good mix of good mixers = one GREAT mixer = Arnold Palmers are alcohol’s best friend! In-depth historical research informs me that we can call an alcoholic AP either a John Daly or a Happy Gilmore (…no) or a “Donovan.” What? Has anyone ever ordered a Donovan without feeling like a douchebag?
Anyway, the problem with alcoholic Arnie Palmies, Donovans, whatever you want to call this heavenly nectar: during the summer I want to drink them all the time. But the man wants to keep me down. Unlike mild-mannered sober iced tea, which is accepted everywhere, society frowns upon constant public consumption of iced tea cocktails. I say enough is enough! On this momentous holiday, I shall share my secret recipe for limitless summertime boozin’ fun. Mix up one of these bad boys after work today, and raise a glass to the weekend.
Public Palmer Cocktail
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