Friday Fuck-Up: Sometimes Booze Doesn’t Improve Things
I know. I KNOW! You read that headline and the fact it was written by me, and your world turned upside down. Your illusions were shattered. I’m sorry! Above all, I have let myself down. But… I’m gonna say it anyway…
Sometimes booze makes things worse, not better.
No, no, NO. Before we get any further, let’s get one thing straight right now: I am not about to tell y’all why you should quit drinking or anything preposterous like that. I’m talking about one very specific, very isolated incident.
Now, most people would see a protein shake and probably not think, “I bet this would be way better if I added trashy flavored vodka to it.” But guess what, most people aren’t me. I received a sample of CalNaturale Svelte, a nutritious and soy protein-packed energy shake, and while I thought it was tasty and filling on its own, I was intrigued by the myriad alcohol possibilities I could introduce into the mix. After all, there has been a considerable amount of buzz about alcohol-related diets and weight loss lately, so I figured, why can’t I hop aboard this train?
Next stop, diet White Russian town. I poured a generous amount of Smirnoff “toasted marshmallow” flavored vodka into my shake, added a splash of Kahlua, and prepared my tastebuds for a tasty, boozy, “healthy” (you know, because of the protein shake) treat.
Tragically, somehow things took a turn for the worst. That beverage got real bad, real fast. Could it be possible that I finally stumbled upon something that didn’t mix well with alcohol? I hate to believe it, but I can’t deny the truth. What started as a creamy, vanilla-y milkshake of nutrition ended up as a semi-curdled, throat-closure-inducing, cup of slop.
To clarify, this was 100% my fault, not Svelte’s. I guess I had to learn the hard way: leave healthy things alone and just let them be nice and nutritious! Sometimes two rights (delicious protein shake + delicious alcohol) can definitely make a wrong. I learned the hard way so you don’t have to.