An Ode to a Clear Kitchen

It’s hard for me to say anything but “NO” when I see this gadget. How could there be anything more unnecessary than a banana slicer?

We pack our lives with things and stuff. And things and stuff. And things and stuff. The kitchen is the recipient of many of our purchases, from the crucial cast iron pot to the you’ll-use-it-once Dough-Nu-Matic Automatic Dougnut Machine. I scroll through friends’ wedding registries knowing the happy couple will never use half the knives in their over-priced set. And of course that famed waffle maker will never leave its box. Maybe for their first anniversary, a cute breakfast-in-bed, but then it will lead a lonely life in the corner of a dark closet.

And then there’s this fucking thing. This Bananza. Calling to our desire for a quick fix. For an easy way out. This device won’t help you eat more bananas. It won’t help you lose weight. You’ll realize this device isn’t any easier than using a knife. This device will clog up your drawer just like the avocado slicer and pitter. This device will remind you that stuff is just stuff. And more stuff doesn’t create anything but a mess.

And no, my lovely boyfriend, this doesn’t mean I won’t come home from my trip to Seattle without more items to fill the kitchen. I just bought apple smoked fleur de seul, in fact. But I thought writing this ode to a clear kitchen might ease the pain of new friends coming back with me.

You may also like


  • LOL, I agree, a banana slicer is just plain silly!

  • BS February 7, 2011  

    wow. just wow. of all the tools I never knew I needed, something to slice a banana shoots right to the top. what would alton brown think?

  • debbie koenig February 7, 2011  

    I love that it’s a “hand-held” banana slicer. Obvs so much more convenient than those bulky room-sized ones.

  • 80 Proof February 7, 2011  

    Great news! This should go great with the new hand-held banana peeler that I bought while you were gone.

  • Sara February 7, 2011  

    This post made me laugh out loud. I was at Sur La Table, when I saw a pasta timer? that you put in the water. It wasn’t really a timer as much as a boiler alert. I almost lost it.

  • BS February 7, 2011  

    I just tried to cut a banana the old school way, using a knife – and it’s horribly difficult. You should see my kitchen – there are chunks of banana and mashed up peel everywhere. Going out to buy a bananza asap.

  • erica February 7, 2011  

    too bad it only comes in one width of slices, that’s just short sighted. when they come out with an adjustable-width, hands-free version, let me know.

  • dad gansie February 7, 2011  

    Dear erica, never knew I could need one
    Way to go 80P,
    Gansie just get home safely No matter what new freinds you bring home and home

  • Britannia February 7, 2011  

    I kinda want one, don’t judge.

  • dad gansie February 7, 2011  

    Ps. Hit sent too quick

    The second home was a gift hint suggestion for gansie as she always does To me

  • erica February 7, 2011  

    i would also like for it to have a usb port.

  • Brianna February 8, 2011  

    Ya, the banana slicer is probably overkill, but I actually have that avocado slicer/pitter and I use it ALL the time. For someone who loves avocado like I do, that tool is actually a godsend.

  • Miss K February 8, 2011  

    I never thought bananas were tough, either, but Stephen Colbert disagrees. I bet he would buy it if it were a combo peeler/slicer.—fruit-pouch–doritos-ad—super-big-gulp

  • TheGourmetCoffeeGuy February 11, 2011  

    This post made me laugh a lot.
    You are so right: do we really need this “stuff”?
    I suppose there’s a buyer for everything out there.
    Personally, I prefer to peel bananas the old fashioned way, with my fingers and my hand. It really is easy and so far it has worked for me …
    Thanks for the laughter, a healthy thing to do,

Leave a comment