Friday Fuck Up:This Tastes NOTHING Like a Chip

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Clearly I was shaken up. Last week I welcomed the news of two engagements of very dear friends. The term “dear friends” is quite obnoxious, I know, but these are like super good friends, well, couples, and I am so excited. That must be the only excuse for this fuck up. Because unlike most other times I open up my oven to face a disaster, I actually followed a recipe.

My friend Hickey, of one of the engaged couples, came to DC from her home in Pennsylvania and I gladly made us dinner. I wasn’t actually sure what to put together but basically I stuffed a lot of crap inside this huge pumpkin-shaped eggplant. It was an elaborate, multi-step experience and while the inside concoction of corn, tomatoes, blended eggplant, ricotta and I forget what else was surely tasty, the outer shell of the eggplant did not cook fully and basically served the function of a ceramic bowl, which is of course not the point of baking food in something edible in the first place.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. Shit, the crappy Cook’s champagne wasn’t even the worst. T’was the kale.

You all know there is a slight kale obsession going on these days. Notice exhibits A through D: Kale. Kale. Kale. Kale. But I always take it raw. For my newly engaged friend I decided to try something I’ve been seeing A Lot of: crispy kale chips.

I followed Steamy Kitchen’s instructions, who claimed,

And then you call it “Crispy Kale” see if your kids will eat it…Yup!

As a kale lover to start, I knew this would be great if even her KIDS would eat it.

Well I did what she said and washed the kale, dried the kale very well, tore it into small pieces, tossed with oil, placed in the oven and held the salt to the end. I followed it perfectly.

It tasted like grass. Like mushy, burnt, gross, grass. Some pieces were crispy, but it still didn’t taste good. If you got a crispy section with some salt, it wasn’t totally terrible, but nothing I’d deem as addictive, as so many other bloggers declared.

Luckily we had the option to snack on purple basil flecked ricotta, heirloom tomatoes and fresh bread instead.

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8 thoughts on “Friday Fuck Up:This Tastes NOTHING Like a Chip

  1. Well that sucks! Sorry didn’t work out for ya. But damn, I want some of that purple basil flecked ricotta.

  2. huh. i wonder if you didn’t use enough oil. I’d broil it rather than bake.

  3. ML! holy crap. i totally forgot about your incident with kale chips. and i cant believe we even used the same recipe. wow. steamy kitchen will just have to give us a one on one tutorial on this since we clearly cant figure it out ourselves.

  4. Baked kale chips really can be crisp and delicious. Is it possible that you overcrowded the pan? (Not drying the kale meticulously after washing it and not using enough oil could be problems too.)

  5. As a private chef, I’ve been cooking for some vegan yogis lately, and they freak over kale. 350 degrees, SINGLE LAYER in the pan, 10-11 min. Totally dry leaves before you start, just a little bit of oil, salt & pepper and you should be good to go. That is, if you ever want to try it again.

  6. I’ve tried this too, expecting SOMETHING to replace, well, potato chips. It was horrible. Come on! KALE? It needs to be stewed. Did you ever make Krispy Spinach (and spinach isn’t even bitter). A bad application for a great green, I say.

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